Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
From my days in L&D: Please do not go into your post-eclamptic friend's room q 5 minutes and then complain to the staff that the room is dark and you want to talk to her, when she barely pulled through her seizure and crash C/S and needs to rest and heal from her eclampsia. Yes, you and her 515 other friends will have to wait until she is d/c to the Mother/Baby Unit when she is more stable. What part of recovery do you not understand?
From office nursing: do not wait until 1200 on a Friday to call and request your anxiolytics/narcotics when you've been out of them for a few days or call and c/o about your N/V/D or cold sx that you've had since Monday.
Do not call and harangue the staff multiple times in a single day when all you needed to do was to leave a simple message for me requesting a written rx for pickup for your annual trip down to the VA.
Do not call and request a return call from me wanting to review your labwork for the nth time, when we've already discussed it before and you have discussed it with the doctor, oh, say, at least twice, and you have two or three other doctors also performing labwork on you.
Do not throw a temper tantrum over the phone when you leave a message wanting a call from me today at 1500 on a Friday. Your own granddaughter told me that you've burned through at least three or four other doctors due to your behavior and you're on the verge of that with both my MD and myself.
If you have side effects or experience other issues with your medications, do not simply quit taking them, call our office and let us know.
If the doctor tells you to lose weight/monitor your BP/check your BG, do so. Doing these will keep you alive.
Do not wait until AFTER the doctor leaves the room to tell me about the multiple other issues, concerns, or worries that you have. He has already gone on to his next patient and you will need to make another appointment to discuss these with him.
No, I cannot give your spouse/child/parent-in-law a flu shot or check their BP or assess them, as they are not patients here and it goes against office policy.
Do not stop taking your medications because your spouse/child told you to do so. They are not RNs/MDs/NPs.
Do not waltz in here 15 minutes late for your appointment and be upset that I no-showed you. You need to leave your work/home earlier and show up on time. We see other patients that are sicker than you and unless you are acutely ill, there will be no exceptions.
Do not show up late, then have multiple complaints that you want to have all addressed today. Due to your tardiness, you will have a short visit. The MD has other patients to see, who showed up on time.
Turn off your cellphone now. There were signs at the front desk and next to the clinic doors, requesting that you do so. Surely you can take 15-30 minutes for the doctor's time?
The reason it's taking so long for the doctor to come and see you is that you brought your child here (possibly by ambulance) for the dumbest reason ever and are super low priority. Seriously, the kid looks better than most of my coworkers.
No, I will not run out the restaurant next door to get you a burger. Oh by the way, calling me a lazy b!@#$ is so not going to make me want to go and get your burger. Go home already!
Do NOT make an appointment just for yourself, then turn up with 5 family members in tow and then when the Dr decides to see all of you, expect us NOT to bill you all, then wonder why the Dr asks for cash up front! (we had a woman notorious for doing this - she never clicked that the Dr was making her pay cash to teach her a lesson!)
Do NOT pick up the next patient's paper file (long time ago, when we didn't have computers), and read who they are and ask how long Mr/Mrs ___ will be! It breaches confidentiality and it's rude! (this is in a VERRRY small town where everyone knows everyone else's business).
Don't turn up at 5.30pm expecting the Dr to be there. The Dr has duty at the hospital from 6pm onwards so her last appointment is at 5.00pm sharp. She needs a break you know to have something to eat and to at least pee! No sir, she CANNOT see you because she IS NOT ACTUALLY HERE! (don't know how many times I told the same people this, and we had a big sign on the wall as well!)
Don't be late for ur appointment. If ur going to be late, call and let us know. The Dr has other patients waiting who turned up on time. Yes, we know u have a demanding and stressful job/are a fulltime Mum/are an executive, but you make OUR lives stressful by not even calling us, then rocking up here anytime you feel like, then STILL expect to be seen! And you make the Dr late home so she doesn't get to spend time with her young kids either.
To my detoxer, I *know* you knew what you were doing, and if you keep directing your F-bomb tirades at me, I will get a STAT order for a cocktail and call a code so big men pin you down while I jam the largest needed I can find into your orifice. I have never been so verbally abused at work, heck, EVER. And lady, ain't gonna happen again tonight. Totally uncalled for, I don't care what is going on in your life. I'm a human too ya know.
Use the ******* call light if you want something! Do not send whatever family member you have in the room to come and interrupt me so I can get that super-duper important cup of ice, blankie, pillow, whatever.
When they say this crap I wish I knew enough about pharmacology to say "that's interesting because oxycodone is made up of X and Y and [blah blah blah blah ] which has the same chemical action as the ingredients in Z and A which you say you are allergic to." LOL
I am enough of a geek to do this!! Brilliant idea!!!
As for the OP:
-Don't snap your fingers at me like I'm a dog to do your bidding. If you do, I'll presume you can't speak, can't move, and can't open your eyes....and I may take appropriate action.
-Don't urinate on the bed just because you think it's funny to watch me change the sheets. Especially don't do it three times. You're in for a sprained ankle, and I KNOW you know how to use the call light, as you've used it successfully all night. Use it, and I will (a) help you to the bathroom or (b) bring the bedside commode.
-No, I will not get snacks for all your family members/entourage. There are vending machines down the hall.
-No, I also will not outfit them in scrubs at hospital expense because you "heard they were free."
-On the same note, unless we cut off your clothes or they are extensively soiled, I will not give you scrubs to "borrow," either.
-This isn't McDonald's. The kitchen isn't open 24/7, and, no, I don't keep full trays here hot, just in case you stumble in. And, no, you can't have food anyway until your tests are done.
-No, I won't watch your kid while you step outside for a phone call/smoke.
-Your ingrown toenail is not as important as the code we have going in the next room. And, no, you can't watch.
-If your family members continue to "accidentally" be outside the coding pt's room, I WILL have them escorted out by security (I have said this, actually). This isn't "ER," the TV show. You want drama? Watch Lifetime.
-No, you may not touch me. Not that you asked permission.
-I don't care what "special film" you saw about nurses. No, I don't care that it starred Ron Jeremy and some girl who looked like me. No.
Do not sit on your lab order sheet and cuss out the lab staffers because the lab wasn't open yet and throw a temper tantrum in front of all the pts in the waiting room and drag the managers into this, all because you showed up an hour early. You are an adult, not a child. Control yourself.
Do not book an OV for your back pain, no show for that appt, then show up the next day stating it's an emergency. It's not and you will have to make an appt tomorrow, as the MD's already booked up for today.
Do not abuse my colleagues--this is everyone from Live Answer staff, the front desk, the secretaries, the lab staff, the CMAs, other RNs and MDs, NPs--because without them, I cannot do my job. Extend the respect you have for my MD to all of them, and I will respect you too.
I did say this to my pt in DT's on suicide watch in ICU:
Sir, you're ordered to be on bedrest. All the cussing, yelling, and empty threats will NOT change that. If you try to get out of bed again, or try grabbing hold of my arm one more time, I will restrain you to the bed, and THAT'S A PROMISE!
I'm sure all the Symbicort, nebulizers and such are doing wonders for your COPD. Just like the smoke breaks (which you did gracefully sign AMA) and disgusting tobacco chew at your bedside.
Glad to hear someone's got health insurance, 'cause it ain't me!
Brilliant idea!!!
ShifraPuah
73 Posts
From my days in L&D: Please do not go into your post-eclamptic friend's room q 5 minutes and then complain to the staff that the room is dark and you want to talk to her, when she barely pulled through her seizure and crash C/S and needs to rest and heal from her eclampsia. Yes, you and her 515 other friends will have to wait until she is d/c to the Mother/Baby Unit when she is more stable. What part of recovery do you not understand?
From office nursing: do not wait until 1200 on a Friday to call and request your anxiolytics/narcotics when you've been out of them for a few days or call and c/o about your N/V/D or cold sx that you've had since Monday.
Do not call and harangue the staff multiple times in a single day when all you needed to do was to leave a simple message for me requesting a written rx for pickup for your annual trip down to the VA.
Do not call and request a return call from me wanting to review your labwork for the nth time, when we've already discussed it before and you have discussed it with the doctor, oh, say, at least twice, and you have two or three other doctors also performing labwork on you.
Do not throw a temper tantrum over the phone when you leave a message wanting a call from me today at 1500 on a Friday. Your own granddaughter told me that you've burned through at least three or four other doctors due to your behavior and you're on the verge of that with both my MD and myself.
If you have side effects or experience other issues with your medications, do not simply quit taking them, call our office and let us know.
If the doctor tells you to lose weight/monitor your BP/check your BG, do so. Doing these will keep you alive.
Do not wait until AFTER the doctor leaves the room to tell me about the multiple other issues, concerns, or worries that you have. He has already gone on to his next patient and you will need to make another appointment to discuss these with him.
No, I cannot give your spouse/child/parent-in-law a flu shot or check their BP or assess them, as they are not patients here and it goes against office policy.
Do not stop taking your medications because your spouse/child told you to do so. They are not RNs/MDs/NPs.
Do not waltz in here 15 minutes late for your appointment and be upset that I no-showed you. You need to leave your work/home earlier and show up on time. We see other patients that are sicker than you and unless you are acutely ill, there will be no exceptions.
Do not show up late, then have multiple complaints that you want to have all addressed today. Due to your tardiness, you will have a short visit. The MD has other patients to see, who showed up on time.
Turn off your cellphone now. There were signs at the front desk and next to the clinic doors, requesting that you do so. Surely you can take 15-30 minutes for the doctor's time?
THANK YOU!