Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
I know it can be embarrassing to talk about, but you have to tell us what is wrong before we can help you. I don't expect perfect medical terminology, but I also have no idea what you mean when you say "My whatchamacalit hurts." I don't know if you are talking about your member or your orifice or your uvula." I would rather you used juvenile terminology like "weiner" than make me ask a million questions trying to figure it out. I also have no idea what you mean when you say "I did a oopsie and I need help." Just tell me the condom broke and you want Plan B. I can help with that. And…I don't know what you mean when you say, "I feel puny," "I feel like I am shutting down," or "My insides are all flaky."
Just because my behind is on this chair does not mean i am not working. As you can see i have a huge pile of charts in front of me, i am documenting the docs round, i'm not exactly sitting here with my feet up having a laugh.
Also dont you dare say that nurses should not be allowed to prescribe and that this should be left up to the doctors.
How about you shut your yapper and listen to what the KIDNEY SPECIALIST is telling you rather than try to argue with him. HE is the one who went to medical school and completed a fellowship while you barely finished high school.
So please, open your ears and shut your mouth and LISTEN TO WHAT THE DOCTOR IS TELLING YOU!!
Specializes in Oncology/Hematology, Infusion, clinical.
"sure, I can run your chemo in wide open so you can get to your important appointment...I didn't realize your appointment involved a ride to the ER via EMS. How silly of me. "
No, you can't go home early and "drink a lot of water" instead of staying here another night and receiving IV fluids like the doctor ordered. Really, you can't. I promise, it's not the same thing.
It's taken me almost four days, but I've read this entire thread. And I feel so much better. I'm not a nurse. Hell, I'm just a pre-nursing student at this point. But I feel better because having read these...it seems that people are people no matter what field you work in. Having been in customer-service related fields for 20 some years, I've been called every name in the book. I've had things thrown at my head by mentally addled individuals. I've dealt with truly horrid people who seem to have no other goal in life but to make me cry. I'm sort of used to it....so oddly enough, this thread has made me feel much more "at home" (that's a strange way to word it, but it works) about going into nursing. Does that make me a masochist? Hmm...maybe. LOL
Reading these has also made me happy to know that when I've been in the hospital I've been a decent patient. I was worried because when I had my daughter last year, once we were settled in our postpartum room, the nurses kept offering me pain meds, and I kept refusing because honestly, I felt okay. A little sore, but not anything as bad as after my ankle fusion...so why take stuff if I didn't need it? They kept offering and I kept saying "no thanks, I'm groovy"...and I was worried that they were getting annoyed with me but seriously, after finally meeting my daughter, and finally getting something to eat (no food or water or anything for 24 hours), I was happy as could be. I felt awful if I had to use the call light for anything (I kept apologizing to the nurse who had to come because I was bleeding all over everything suddenly). But hey..good to know what annoys and what doesn't in case I'm every a patient at a hospital again!
You came in for a GI issue. Yes, if the doc says he wants strict I&Os, that includes your stool, as well. Trust me, I would like nothing more than for u to flush that rank sh*t down the toilet...stop looking at me like I'm making you do it for general purpose.
No, I will not take your IV out until you walk out of the door. And yes, if you take it upon yourself to take it out, I will have another one put back in. :-)
Your son is 4 months....I'm pretty sure he will not think he is gay just because I have to stick a rectal thermometer up his yahoo. You brought him here for fevers, so I'm taking the temp. And btw, that gay comment if offensive...
Your son is 4 months....I'm pretty sure he will not think he is gay just because I have to stick a rectal thermometer up his yahoo. You brought him here for fevers, so I'm taking the temp. And btw, that gay comment if offensive...
Oh my God. I just scared my cat by laughing so loud at that. Who THINKS that kind of stuff, let alone says it? lol
You come to the ER from the detox center because your BP is 210/120. You were just here yesterday for the SAME thing. You were given scripts for you BP meds. You tell me you had your last drink today, but have no money to buy your BP meds that are on the $4 list.
Maybe if you take the money that you use to buy alcohol, you can afford your meds. And BTW, how did you buy your alcohol if you don't have any money? You need to get your damn priorities straight!
No, I don't think it's funny that you called 911 to tell them you want to fire your doctor and we are all idiots. *sigh.
Mom is NPO for surgery in the morning, as we've told you all yesterday and all night; sneaking her pop and a bagel first thing in the morning means surgery is CANCELLED! Thank yourselves for a job well done.
(to the Doc who asked me how I 'allowed' that to happen - I was pingponging like mad all night between a bleeder whose doc wouldn't answer pages, two pts on Q2 hour pain meds, two total cares, three admissions and one ICU transfer who decompensated. Sorry I wasn't there to be food police but everyone is alive! SHUT IT!).
Sir, you're over four hundred pounds and had a hearty dinner. I promise you will not starve to death being NPO after midnight for a ten o'clock case. Trust me, please? I kinda do this everyday and all.
Yes, I know your medications.....we went over them together, remember? Twenty minutes ago? I'm the SAME NURSE who just admitted you.
No shower meant no shower. Wait till the surgeon finds out you showered with those sites still open. Oooohhh!
Stop unhooking yourself. Really. It's not as easy as 'just pinching together those thingies and reconnecting them' when your line infiltrates and I get to poke you again for another.
Your telemetry monitor lets us watch your heart. Dumping it in the toilet is hardly going to ruin MY day, but it might not turn out so well for you.
You can't even keep your eyes open or talk to me. NO MORE PAIN MEDICINE!! No, I'm not ignoring you. I'm telling you: NO MORE PAIN MEDICINE UNTIL YOU CAN STAY AWAKE AND BREATHE!
flashpoint
1,327 Posts
I know it can be embarrassing to talk about, but you have to tell us what is wrong before we can help you. I don't expect perfect medical terminology, but I also have no idea what you mean when you say "My whatchamacalit hurts." I don't know if you are talking about your member or your orifice or your uvula." I would rather you used juvenile terminology like "weiner" than make me ask a million questions trying to figure it out. I also have no idea what you mean when you say "I did a oopsie and I need help." Just tell me the condom broke and you want Plan B. I can help with that. And…I don't know what you mean when you say, "I feel puny," "I feel like I am shutting down," or "My insides are all flaky."