Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

[AngelfireRN]

Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

[regularRN]

Kudos to Sharpei mom.

[greenfiremajick]

"the most frustrating part sometimes, is people who don't know me assuming that i'm unable to communicate, am retarded, an empty shell. some of my favorites? "can she understand me if i speak

s-l-o-w-l-y?" "won't she hurt someone if you turn your back on her?" "how nice that you have her out in the fresh air today!" (answers phone) "may i speak to someone legally competent, please?" that day, i did say, "just who the xxxx do you think manages the finances in this family?"

more of an answer than you wanted, i suspect!"

i promise to always tell you off when i disagree with your opinion and mine is right

and if at all possible, i will challenge you to as many games of intellectual prowess, as possible...if only to improve my own, in the pursuit of trying to best you....plus, your name is cool, as i have a rescued sharpei! go sharpeimom!

in november 2003, i had a severe stroke. i have recovered somewhat, but am almost totally dependent

upon my husband for many things now. i have a wheelchair, a motorized scooter, a hemi walker and a cane. i can also walk short distances holding on to things. what i use depends upon what i'm doing.

i've had hundreds of hours of pt and many hours of ot. our victorian-era house, which was built as a boarding school, has been adapted to accommodate my special needs. we've installed a stair chair, remodelled the bathroom off our bedroom so the shower is handicapped accessible, the john is higher and we've added bars at the sides. the downstairs bathroom also has a handicapped john and hand rails.

faucet handles (except in the bathroom with 150 year old fixtures) have been replaced with blade type handles because my fingers don't always cooperate. three years ago, i tore my right rotator cuff. i have a 9 cm tear which my neuro advises that i not have repaired because the annesthesia might cause problems. my right hand/arm was my "good" arm/hand. i was left handed prior to the stroke. that became the paralyzed side. of course.

throughout the whole adventure, my mind has remained as it was pre-stroke. i use lido patches plus

voltarin gel on my shoulder and most days, that combo works fairly well. my speech has been affected.

i have had much speech therapy, but it isn't good enough to have to speak professionally over the phone.

in a group, or one to one, you'd have no trouble understanding me however.

the most frustrating part sometimes, is people who don't know me assuming that i'm unable to communicate, am retarded, an empty shell. some of my favorites? "can she understand me if i speak

s-l-o-w-l-y?" "won't she hurt someone if you turn your back on her?" "how nice that you have her out in the fresh air today!" (answers phone) "may i speak to someone legally competent, please?" that day, i did say, "just who the xxxx do you think manages the finances in this family?"

more of an answer than you wanted, i suspect!!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

in november 2003, i had a severe stroke. i have recovered somewhat, but am almost totally dependent

upon my husband for many things now. i have a wheelchair, a motorized scooter, a hemi walker and a cane. i can also walk short distances holding on to things. what i use depends upon what i'm doing.

i've had hundreds of hours of pt and many hours of ot. our victorian-era house, which was built as a boarding school, has been adapted to accommodate my special needs. we've installed a stair chair, remodelled the bathroom off our bedroom so the shower is handicapped accessible, the john is higher and we've added bars at the sides. the downstairs bathroom also has a handicapped john and hand rails.

faucet handles (except in the bathroom with 150 year old fixtures) have been replaced with blade type handles because my fingers don't always cooperate. three years ago, i tore my right rotator cuff. i have a 9 cm tear which my neuro advises that i not have repaired because the annesthesia might cause problems. my right hand/arm was my "good" arm/hand. i was left handed prior to the stroke. that became the paralyzed side. of course.

throughout the whole adventure, my mind has remained as it was pre-stroke. i use lido patches plus

voltarin gel on my shoulder and most days, that combo works fairly well. my speech has been affected.

i have had much speech therapy, but it isn't good enough to have to speak professionally over the phone.

in a group, or one to one, you'd have no trouble understanding me however.

the most frustrating part sometimes, is people who don't know me assuming that i'm unable to communicate, am retarded, an empty shell. some of my favorites? "can she understand me if i speak

s-l-o-w-l-y?" "won't she hurt someone if you turn your back on her?" "how nice that you have her out in the fresh air today!" (answers phone) "may i speak to someone legally competent, please?" that day, i did say, "just who the xxxx do you think manages the finances in this family?"

more of an answer than you wanted, i suspect!!

thank you. i don't mind listening to people's problems - i wouldn't do psych otherwise!

yes i used to work in an aboriginal health unit and some nurses used to shout at the patients, (cos many do not speak english at all, or only speak it as a 3rd language, or speak pidgeon english), and i used to say: 'shouting is not going to make them understand you better, they aren't deaf in any way - they don't speak english!' it used to amaze me how ignorant some nurses were.

unreal some of the comments you have gotten, good for you for standing up for yourself.

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

To the patient I was doing a pre-admission surgery check on yesterday:

When I ask you for an answer to ONE question, I expect ONE, SHORT, STRAIGHT answer, not five conflicting ones! There is NO other answer on these forms except 'yes' or 'no' to questions such as: do you wear dentures, or do you have caps, crowns, etc? I don't need to know your WHOLE dental and medical history to get one answer!

This guy just loved talking and going through his whole history, but I knew he was going down for his gastroscopy soon, so I was trying to rush through everything, plus try to catch up with my 5 other patients. AAHH! He just drove me nuts man!

[sevensonnets]

Yes, I can see your hand is bleeding but next time you go to the bathroom that bag up there on the pole has to go with you.

[Scoops]

why are we afraid to talk to our pt's about their weight? It's time we treat their obesity as the disease condition it is, and educate them about the consequences of it: sleep apnea, diabetes, heart diseaseand osteoarthritis to name a few. It's obvious that many physicians are uncomfortable with this topic as well. I've cared for many pt's who were oblivous to the fact that their 300lb. weight was the reason they were having a knee replacement at 40y.o. and that they could likely improve the pain by losing weight. We are doing them a disservice by not talking to them about their weight.

As funny of a thread that this is. Isn't part of a nurses practice to educate patients, and treat the human response to a conditon. Thanks

[silverbat]

of course we do all that and more.. It just gets so frutrating when you say the same things a zillion times to the same pt and they continue the same behaviors. You can teach and teach and teach, but you can't make them learn.

TO THE NURSE KPRNC58:and re: weight.....yes, I know I am fat, I know that my 300 pounds ain't helpin my knee pain, unfortunately, even a 1200 cal / day diet ain't gonna take it off quickly enough to ease pain caused by bone destruction caused by rheumatoid arthritis or severe osteoarthritis. Not all arthritis caused by being fat. It don't help for sure, though. Even if I weighed 120 pounds, the bone destruction is stil gonna happen unless I can get proper meds, but wothout insurance, how I can I pay for 3,000 dollars/month of meds?

I do understand what you are saying KPRNC58...BUT, I can guarantee you that they were aware of the part of the cause of their knee pain.....

off my rant...... helping is good, teaching is better, COMPASSION and understanding is best..........

dianna

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

As funny of a thread that this is. Isn't part of a nurses practice to educate patients, and treat the human response to a conditon. Thanks

Buzz off. (this is the thread where we get to say what we want, right?)

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I agree. This is a vent thread where you say what you think but would never say.

I mean I agree with "buzz off" in a nice way though. I just think you misunderstand the purpose of this particular thread.

[HappydayRn]

So to preface this I do telephonic triage for a clinic system.

1. When I ask you a question answer it,

" Are you wheezing?"

Pt: " Well last week I had a fever, and so did my sister, and then man today my nose was so stuffed up!"

"Okay....but are you wheezing?"

Pt: " Yeah, so I took some sudafed for it but it didn't help so yeah, man my foot hurts do you think it's related?

"Uh, huh well probably not, but DO YOU HAVE WHEEZING? OMG JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONS I ASK, SO WE CAN BOTH MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES.

2. I'm not your friend, I don't want to chat with you about your cats for 45 minutes, I have other people waiting to hear from me. Go talk to your cats. I know you are lonely and I can sympathize with that, but please you are making all the other sick people lose appts. because you won't let me get off the darn phone.

3. Don't call me if you have no intention of listening to me or following my advice.

[talaxandra]

To the former patient who came in last night for a visit while on day leave from rehab:

- I know you're worried about cancer

- you've been diagnosed with MS

- MS and cancer look different on the scans

- you need to talk with our doctor/s about these concerns

- your symptoms do not fit with cancer

- the fact that your symptoms haven't resolved with pulse methyl pred doesn't mean you have cancer

-you should write down your questions & concerns and talk about them with your doctor

- it is not possible for cancer to travel from your mouth to your spine

- in any case, you do not have cancer

- increased gastrointestinal rumbling does not indicate that you have cancer

- spinal cancer and MS lesions look different

- these are issues you need to talk about with your doctor

- yes, the doctors at [small country hospital] said they couldn't rule out cancer, that's why you were referred to [quaternary hospital]

- I understand that you're worried about cancer

- I thinkyou need to see a psychologist, because your concern about cancer is preventing you from hearing what I'm saying

- I think this is because of stress

- you also need to talk to your doctors

I said all of this, over and over for twenty-five minutes I didn't have, and could seriously have doubled my take home pay if I have a dollar for every time I said "you need to talk to your doctor."

What I didn't say was:

- I'm in the middle of feeding a patient

- I only came out for a straw

- I'm supposed to be at tea

- your delaying me means my partner will also be late to tea

- you're not even a patient here any more

- for the love of all that's holy, your symptoms aren't caused by cancer

- why are you not concerned about having MS? Is it not disease enough for you?

you have two choices: I'm taking your life or my own if it means ending this discussion. Every time you say the word 'cancer' the odds shift further in favour of it being your life

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

Please please please just take your pills and let me leave the room because I HAVE TO GO PEE!!

This is that little lovely women who wants to take her pills one... at... a.. time. Very..... slowly......... so .........she .........won't........choke. And has about 10 pills to take!!