Hi all, I am wondering if anyone has taken a break from this site and come back to it, and if so why? How long did you stay away, and did you come back "refreshed?" I've been on much more than usual during shelter in place. I previously logged on a few times a month, to ask a question, see what's new, and answer questions. I've always appreciated the answers and feedback I've gotten, and as I gained more experience I enjoyed answering questions from new grads and hoping I helped.
Lately I've found the site triggering, especially the recent thread after the Derek Chauvin verdict (thread now closed). It hurts me that there are nurses who believe racism is over or "black people are racist for having their own, exclusively black organizations." I tried to explain these organizations were created because black people were excluded from all organizations, and to promote civil rights. It scares me there are nurses who think like this, and I wonder how they treat their black pts. There are statistics about black people receiving worse care, less pain meds, etc.
I saw this when a pt was having chest pain but nothing showed on the ekg so resident labeled her drug seeking, didn't call cardiologist. Turns out she was having ischemia to the back wall of her heart which doesn't show on ekg. She died. Cardiologist was livid. I knew her for 4 years and it hit me hard. Also, there have been posts about people in mental health crises. I give my advice based on my experience w/ bipolar, but they come back and make the same posts and it scares me. Maybe I'm too sensitive and need to realize I don't even know these people, but I feel I need to take a break for my own mental health, as it exacerbates my bipolar and makes me more scared about my black in-laws and friends. There have been more killings of black people arrested for traffic stops, air freshener in their window, etc. I don't understand how people can't notice the pattern of black people being pulled over for nothing, then ending up dead, or someone like Breonna Taylor shot while sleeping, completely innocent of any crime. It makes me cry to read that people don't care and think it's "overrepresented in the media." There is hard data showing it's not. Any advice? It seems hard to avoid threads w/ triggering topics, because threads start about one thing and take sharp turns to end up talking about other topics. thanks. ❤️
Thank you. I was being honest but I also knew what the reaction would be. I don't understand it frankly. But I would hate for anyone to be able to get my goat up so easily.
LOL me too but I was scared to say that. I don't mind being hit on by straight men as long as they are not sleazy or aggressive, and as long as they don't react poorly to being rejected. Usually they don't, because it's not a personal insult if the person rejecting you isn't attracted to your entire gender. It's not personal. I don't like men over sexualizing lesbian relationships, but I will stand by if a straight man wants to compliment me or buy me a free drink with no further expectations even after I say I'm gay, I won't turn it down!
I didn't like the parts in the other threads expressing disgust about gay men. There are certain sexual things that people of all sexualities do that turn me off, but I don't specify them or shame anyone. I do find @Curious1997 is receptive to feedback, and did apologize for coming off homophobic or offensive. That is a quality I admire and I am working on. I do see how some people would be turned off by the comments, and it's good they can give that feedback. I just wish all discussions could be this civil.
I really apologize if I implied that I am disgusted by gay men. It's an extreme reaction I admit but it's only because of my ignorance. I would absolutely defend a gay person's rights to do whatever they want because a person's choice FAR supersedes any reaction I may have. I have learned from this forum though, that lesbians can also have the same extreme reaction to heterosexual men.
Doesn't anyone find that reaction interesting or does everyone just chalk it down to homophobia? Unless you understand a problem, there's no way you will fix it. I really don't think you can insist reactions out of people. I think you can educate reactions though.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
On 4/24/2021 at 10:18 AM, LibraNurse27 said:
Hi all, I am wondering if anyone has taken a break from this site and come back to it, and if so why? How long did you stay away, and did you come back "refreshed?" I've been on much more than usual during shelter in place. I previously logged on a few times a month, to ask a question, see what's new, and answer questions. I've always appreciated the answers and feedback I've gotten, and as I gained more experience I enjoyed answering questions from new grads and hoping I helped.
Lately I've found the site triggering, especially the recent thread after the Derek Chauvin verdict (thread now closed). It hurts me that there are nurses who believe racism is over or "black people are racist for having their own, exclusively black organizations." I tried to explain these organizations were created because black people were excluded from all organizations, and to promote civil rights. It scares me there are nurses who think like this, and I wonder how they treat their black pts. There are statistics about black people receiving worse care, less pain meds, etc.
I saw this when a pt was having chest pain but nothing showed on the ekg so resident labeled her drug seeking, didn't call cardiologist. Turns out she was having ischemia to the back wall of her heart which doesn't show on ekg. She died. Cardiologist was livid. I knew her for 4 years and it hit me hard. Also, there have been posts about people in mental health crises. I give my advice based on my experience w/ bipolar, but they come back and make the same posts and it scares me. Maybe I'm too sensitive and need to realize I don't even know these people, but I feel I need to take a break for my own mental health, as it exacerbates my bipolar and makes me more scared about my black in-laws and friends. There have been more killings of black people arrested for traffic stops, air freshener in their window, etc. I don't understand how people can't notice the pattern of black people being pulled over for nothing, then ending up dead, or someone like Breonna Taylor shot while sleeping, completely innocent of any crime. It makes me cry to read that people don't care and think it's "overrepresented in the media." There is hard data showing it's not. Any advice? It seems hard to avoid threads w/ triggering topics, because threads start about one thing and take sharp turns to end up talking about other topics. thanks. ❤️
I didn't exactly intend to take a break, but there was a confluence of sorts wherein allnurses was dealing with it's lawsuit and loss of it's founder, which in turn attracted massive hordes of spammers and trolls.
I began to feel cynical, and as if everybody was starting threads to deliberately stir the pot. Then the site went down for a longer than usual overhaul.
At the same time, I was dealing with some personal issues, and didn't even have a reliable internet connection at times. When the site came back, I didn't start posting again and was leaning toward staying away for good. Hey, what does one less COB matter anyway?
In the end I realized I missed the camaraderie and friendships here. Since I joined the site in 2005 and began posting in 2009, there are many who've shared their lives, and their wisdom, and their funny anecdotes over the years. I just didn't want to cut that off entirely.
Now I comment in the Politics Club, and offer advice if I think I can offer a perspective nobody else mentioned, or covers a topic I have personal experience with.
I'm getting better at ignoring people who post things that are personally hurtful. I'm trying to accept the idea that I will never understand why people choose to spend their time trying to figure out what will cause someone distress, and baiting them repeatedly on that once they think they've identified it.
My inner male is very attracted to you, right now, @Curious1997
Lets talk about that. Because I KNOW you would be one of many men who approach me on a daily basis, hitting on me, and not taking no for an answer.
So let me let you talk to my inner man.
Theres no member here, so you shouldnt even feel gay about it.
Hey sailor! ?
No, I don't think my husband would mind.... A drink? Sure. Why not.
As long as you understand that IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, of course.
Tosses hair... winks, scratches butt.
Mr GillyBoo wants that drink... don't be a stranger now. ?❤️
A lot of the EXTREME reactions YOU get, are a direct result of your own personal issues of not taking no for an answer.
Desperate much? You are literally on a professional career forum, discussing hitting on all women with a person who you know has zero interest in men.
Call me crazy, but to me, thats a red flag.
If you need to ask questions about homosexuality, or understand why you are clearly not getting any of the positive reactions you SO desire from women, why not start your own thread?
From, nonbinary GillyBoo.
And no. It's NOT appropriate. So knock it tf off, dude. It's sick. Get a grip.
I may not leave or take a hiatus from here, but I can see myself blocking a couple of the most vocal men on here for a plethora of reasons, one being that they are apparently sociopaths, or have sociopathic tendencies and the other being the additional passive aggressive nonsense that alphas like me just cant respect.
Meanwhile, I think I will hang around just to help the lesbian here to have some back up. She probably doesnt want you to keep hitting on her. None of us do. ?
We are NOT put on this planet to satiate YOUR curiosity. Read a book. Go to a gay bar. Get on tinder.
My inner male is very attracted to you, right now, @Curious1997
Lets talk about that. Because I KNOW you would be one of many men who approach me on a daily basis, hitting on me, and not taking no for an answer.
So let me let you talk to my inner man.
Theres no member here, so you shouldnt even feel gay about it.
Hey sailor! ?
No, I don't think my husband would mind.... A drink? Sure. Why not.
As long as you understand that IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, of course.
Tosses hair... winks, scratches butt.
Mr GillyBoo wants that drink... don't be a stranger now. ?❤️
A lot of the EXTREME reactions YOU get, are a direct result of your own personal issues of not taking no for an answer.
Desperate much? You are literally on a professional career forum, discussing hitting on all women with a person who you know has zero interest in men.
Call me crazy, but to me, thats a red flag.
If you need to ask questions about homosexuality, or understand why you are clearly not getting any of the positive reactions you SO desire from women, why not start your own thread?
From, nonbinary GillyBoo.
And no. It's NOT appropriate. So knock it tf off, dude. It's sick. Get a grip.
I may not leave or take a hiatus from here, but I can see myself blocking a couple of the most vocal men on here for a plethora of reasons, one being that they are apparently sociopaths, or have sociopathic tendencies and the other being the additional passive aggressive nonsense that alphas like me just cant respect.
Meanwhile, I think I will hang around just to help the lesbian here to have some back up. She probably doesnt want you to keep hitting on her. None of us do. ?
We are NOT put on this planet to satiate YOUR curiosity. Read a book. Go to a gay bar. Get on tinder.
Besos!
Are you angry much? What's it with you and sex? You ever just talk to people? People are enormously interesting. They give you information and advice and recommendations, laughs, anecdotes. Just talk to people without an ulterior motive, but YOU need to be careful because you are incredibly reactive and volatile and might get the wrong reaction. Jesus. Get a hold of yourself!
You ever heard of interaction? It's not done in a vacuum and it involves more than just yourself. If I see an interesting face or a warm character, and I have the time, I don't care if it's a man or a woman, I'm chatting because that person could pass out of your life forever. Try it, but without the anger and no ulterior motives. I know it might be difficult for you based on your TONAL VOLUME but take a chance. People are surprising.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
9 hours ago, Curious1997 said:
Could this actually be a reflection of you?
This is actually a very good question.
There is a school of thought that says we dislike some traits in others because they personify some traits that we possess. There's also projection, where we displace our feelings about ourselves onto another.
Something else that I see a lot on theses forums is negative, caustic members giving advice as if anyone would want to follow their lead.
Oh yeah! I want to be negative, condescending, and give out mandates! I WANT to be just like you!
All in all, I kind of like myself and maybe need a little tweaking, but do not require a major overall like some cosmic mechanics have recommended.
There is a school of thought that says we dislike some traits in others because they personify some traits that we possess. There's also projection, where we displace our feelings about ourselves onto another.
Something else that I see a lot on theses forums is negative, caustic members giving advice as if anyone would want to follow their lead.
Oh yeah! I want to be negative, condescending, and give out mandates! I WANT to be just like you!
All in all, I kind of like myself and maybe need a little tweaking, but do not require a major overall like some cosmic mechanics have recommended.
What is this in relation to Davey? You know with you, I'm always joking around and looking for you to match my bizarre sense of humor.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
5 hours ago, nursel56 said:
I didn't exactly intend to take a break, but there was a confluence of sorts wherein allnurses was dealing with it's lawsuit and loss of it's founder, which in turn attracted massive hordes of spammers and trolls.
I began to feel cynical, and as if everybody was starting threads to deliberately stir the pot. Then the site went down for a longer than usual overhaul.
At the same time, I was dealing with some personal issues, and didn't even have a reliable internet connection at times. When the site came back, I didn't start posting again and was leaning toward staying away for good. Hey, what does one less COB matter anyway?
In the end I realized I missed the camaraderie and friendships here. Since I joined the site in 2005 and began posting in 2009, there are many who've shared their lives, and their wisdom, and their funny anecdotes over the years. I just didn't want to cut that off entirely.
I remember that time vividly. It was hard; some very respected long term posters were disappeared or left on their own, due to hypersensitivity and what looked like panic, and a trigger-finger in the banish button when hard questions were asked (as they can be in a stressful family situation....we felt like family then). A lot of trust and goodwill was wasted.
Many families weather storms like these, or worse, and come back with an appreciation of what’s really important, who has a genuine affection for the gestalt even when expressing difficult ideas, less fearfulness, and more inclusion. Other families won’t do that. (I knew a great therapist who always said, “Don’t say ‘can’t’, say ‘won’t’.” Puts a whole ‘nother perspective in there.) I’m not yet entirely sure what we’re working c here.
I am glad to see some COBs poking their heads out of their shells and cautiously returning. ::wavey:: . It’s not quite the same; I guess that nothing really is after that much sturm und drang. Time pssses. But what I would give to see a giddy, goofy long-running thread with words like “fromunda” again (search it!) and not feel the imperative to stay inside the carapace so much for concern of a whap on my shell. I guess we’ll find out.
In relation to posts where members blatantly criticize others and give unsolicited advice as if they were the be all and end all.
"I don't care what you do, I wouldn't want to be like you"- Alan Parsons Project
Well humans are emotional. You know that as a psych nurse. We don't hold it against our patients no matter what they say.
I think it's good that people sometimes let off some steam and as nurses we should understand that. Very few people enter a hospital expecting a wonderful experience and if they are negatively expressive, I think we should understand. Just like at this forum. It doesn't mean that's their default position, just for the brief period of time.
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Thank you. I was being honest but I also knew what the reaction would be. I don't understand it frankly. But I would hate for anyone to be able to get my goat up so easily.