Hi all, I am wondering if anyone has taken a break from this site and come back to it, and if so why? How long did you stay away, and did you come back "refreshed?" I've been on much more than usual during shelter in place. I previously logged on a few times a month, to ask a question, see what's new, and answer questions. I've always appreciated the answers and feedback I've gotten, and as I gained more experience I enjoyed answering questions from new grads and hoping I helped.
Lately I've found the site triggering, especially the recent thread after the Derek Chauvin verdict (thread now closed). It hurts me that there are nurses who believe racism is over or "black people are racist for having their own, exclusively black organizations." I tried to explain these organizations were created because black people were excluded from all organizations, and to promote civil rights. It scares me there are nurses who think like this, and I wonder how they treat their black pts. There are statistics about black people receiving worse care, less pain meds, etc.
I saw this when a pt was having chest pain but nothing showed on the ekg so resident labeled her drug seeking, didn't call cardiologist. Turns out she was having ischemia to the back wall of her heart which doesn't show on ekg. She died. Cardiologist was livid. I knew her for 4 years and it hit me hard. Also, there have been posts about people in mental health crises. I give my advice based on my experience w/ bipolar, but they come back and make the same posts and it scares me. Maybe I'm too sensitive and need to realize I don't even know these people, but I feel I need to take a break for my own mental health, as it exacerbates my bipolar and makes me more scared about my black in-laws and friends. There have been more killings of black people arrested for traffic stops, air freshener in their window, etc. I don't understand how people can't notice the pattern of black people being pulled over for nothing, then ending up dead, or someone like Breonna Taylor shot while sleeping, completely innocent of any crime. It makes me cry to read that people don't care and think it's "overrepresented in the media." There is hard data showing it's not. Any advice? It seems hard to avoid threads w/ triggering topics, because threads start about one thing and take sharp turns to end up talking about other topics. thanks. ❤️
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
There are those who step away or were pushed away for being politically incorrect. Well-respected guides with thousands of likes and posts like Viva could get disciplined or disappeared for comments that some people would find amusing, others would find provocative, others inciting, and other just shrug off with a “meh.” You’ll never know. It’s like Twitter or facebook or any other social site. Them who own Twitter can cancel or limit your membership. Same here.
So when you develop relationships (good or triggering) at AN, you have to realize that for the most part they’re evanescent, able to disappear at a moment’s notice for whatever reason. Perhaps it’s because it’s better for a member’s mental health to leave, like blocking a set of posters on Twitter so you can’t be triggered by them (which I don’t think you can do here).
It’s not going to be good for you if you feel like you’re the member of a community and then find that it doesn’t “community you back,” as it were. You can always take a break for whatever length and drop by again later, to see what’s different— and what hadn’t changed, and will not ever. It’s not reality, though it has reality-based features. Think about how / if parts of it fit your needs, let it go, or not, mostly up to you.
I think the site has definitely improved the last few years. It appears to be run better, with less bias. There used to be something not right about all nurses years ago, from my point of view. I could be wrong though but I think administration here has learned some lessons. They seem more flexible. I could be wrong but that's my feeling.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
13 hours ago, DavidFR said:
in countering somebody's assumptions for example about race as you outline in your OP, you have done some good in putting forward the anti-racist point of view. As a gay man homophobic posts may upset me, but I see it as almost a duty to correct the misassumptions that homophobes may have about people like me.
Good point! That is very encouraging. I am also gay and for some reason the homophobic posts don't bother me as much as the racist ones, maybe because I feel like I can defend myself. Since I am white and married to a black person I feel passionate about standing up for racial justice but not as confident about how.
Some of the anti LGBTQ posts have bothered me but the most recent one that took a strange side path into the topic of straight men hitting on lesbians turned out to be kind of funny. Still waiting for @Curious1997 to buy me a drink with no strings attached ? Thank you for your response and I really enjoy your posts as well = )
Good point! That is very encouraging. I am also gay and for some reason the homophobic posts don't bother me as much as the racist ones, maybe because I feel like I can defend myself. Since I am white and married to a black person I feel passionate about standing up for racial justice but not as confident about how.
Some of the anti LGBTQ posts have bothered me but the most recent one that took a strange side path into the topic of straight men hitting on lesbians turned out to be kind of funny. Still waiting for @Curious1997 to buy me a drink with no strings attached ? Thank you for your response and I really enjoy your posts as well = )
I hit on any woman I find interesting and attractive to me. It's not like a lesbian woman has a sign and biologically, forget the semantics, both sexes are sort of programmed to be attracted to each other, aren't they?
I still think it's incredibly intriguing how women can hold hands and hug each other etc and surely you see, that if you take the sexual issue out of the equation, lesbians, to a curious hetero, is fascinating. Reality shows are popular because of vicarious interest. Not to me, but I wonder how different people live. So many different cultures and ethnicities, how do they negotiate problems or plan their family's outings and what outcomes they seek to achieve etc? Do you see what I mean?
As a gay woman, don't you wonder or wondered about experiences with different ethnicities or nationalities? I know I did and indulged myself whenever possible and I don't think I'm aberrant.
And of course someone is going to be offended by this post without looking at the context or actually thinking. Actually, I need some schooling. What exactly is offensive about chatting up a lesbian? Surely, that person should be the determinant of whether they are offended, instead of a group determining whether they should be offended?
I hit on any woman I find interesting and attractive to me. It's not like a lesbian woman has a sign and biologically, forget the semantics, both sexes are sort of programmed to be attracted to each other, aren't they?
I still think it's incredibly intriguing how women can hold hands and hug each other etc and surely you see, that if you take the sexual issue out of the equation, lesbians, to a curious hetero, is fascinating. Reality shows are popular because of vicarious interest. Not to me, but I wonder how different people live. So many different cultures and ethnicities, how do they negotiate problems or plan their family's outings and what outcomes they seek to achieve etc? Do you see what I mean?
As a gay woman, don't you wonder or wondered about experiences with different ethnicities or nationalities? I know I did and indulged myself whenever possible and I don't think I'm aberrant.
And of course someone is going to be offended by this post without looking at the context or actually thinking. Actually, I need some schooling. What exactly is offensive about chatting up a lesbian? Surely, that person should be the determinant of whether they are offended, instead of a group determining whether they should be offended?
Curious, your constant need to justify your absolutely creepy ways amongst women, along with your hypersexuality and homophobia towards gay men, is what you need to work on. And don't take that the WRONG way. It's just that every thread you are on, everything you have to say, seems to be oversexualized and almost as if you feel we women must explain everything to you, just to get someone to even TALK about sex with you. It's creepy, dude. It's SUPER creepy.
Let me recommend something to you:
When you talk to a woman, and I don't care how you view her. If she appears to be a female, you need to approach her as if she is wearing a badge, has handcuffs and a gun, or has a big buff WWE wrestler boyfriend, or is an actual marine.
You wouldnt ASK people stuff like this if you were approaching them with any level of respect. It's gross.
Stop it.
We are tired of guys like you CONSTANTLY presuming that because YOU are attracted, we should be attracted as well.
Curious, your constant need to justify your absolutely creepy ways amongst women, along with your hypersexuality and homophobia towards gay men, is what you need to work on. And don't take that the WRONG way. It's just that every thread you are on, everything you have to say, seems to be oversexualized and almost as if you feel we women must explain everything to you, just to get someone to even TALK about sex with you. It's creepy, dude. It's SUPER creepy.
Let me recommend something to you:
When you talk to a woman, and I don't care how you view her. If she appears to be a female, you need to approach her as if she is wearing a badge, has handcuffs and a gun, or has a big buff WWE wrestler boyfriend, or is an actual marine.
You wouldnt ASK people stuff like this if you were approaching them with any level of respect. It's gross.
Stop it.
We are tired of guys like you CONSTANTLY presuming that because YOU are attracted, we should be attracted as well.
It doesnt work that way.
Yuck. Shame on you.
'' I wonder how different people live. So many different cultures and ethnicities, how do they negotiate problems or plan their family's outings and what outcomes they seek to achieve etc? Do you see what I mean?''
Could this actually be a reflection of you? I categorically stated that this wasn't about sex, yet somehow you went there. I find that Super Creepy when people profile others! It's usually the basis for racism and misogyny etc. I am certainly not hypersexual, neither homophobic, however I do get that you are overly sensitive, so I suggest you work on that.
I am however, extremely curious and since I have not acquired the ability of osmotic absorption of knowledge, I have to resort to more conventional means, like interaction. You should try it sometime. Remarkably effective as a medium of exchanging information! Also very pleasant.
LOL you literally started out by saying you hit on all women, and proceded to inform us that you believe lesbians must have an innate and natural desire for men as well.
LOL you literally started out by saying you hit on all women, and proceded to inform us that you believe lesbians must have an innate and natural desire for men as well.
Its all you.
Knock it off, creep.
I am absolutely sure you know all about creepiness so I am going to take you seriously.
How did you get cured from your creepiness or is it still prevalent?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
22 hours ago, Curious1997 said:
I hit on any woman I find interesting and attractive to me. It's not like a lesbian woman has a sign and biologically, forget the semantics, both sexes are sort of programmed to be attracted to each other, aren't they?
I still think it's incredibly intriguing how women can hold hands and hug each other etc and surely you see, that if you take the sexual issue out of the equation, lesbians, to a curious hetero, is fascinating. Reality shows are popular because of vicarious interest. Not to me, but I wonder how different people live. So many different cultures and ethnicities, how do they negotiate problems or plan their family's outings and what outcomes they seek to achieve etc? Do you see what I mean?
As a gay woman, don't you wonder or wondered about experiences with different ethnicities or nationalities? I know I did and indulged myself whenever possible and I don't think I'm aberrant.
And of course someone is going to be offended by this post without looking at the context or actually thinking. Actually, I need some schooling. What exactly is offensive about chatting up a lesbian? Surely, that person should be the determinant of whether they are offended, instead of a group determining whether they should be offended?
This whole post is majorly offensive. And I thought about it. Yep still awful. And damn creepy.
Why do so many people get wound up by online posts as if they were talking to a real person instead of an online presence?
I would explore why certain subject matter triggers the dramatic response. Does any of you work psych? Borderline patients would have a field day with you. Don't let people own you so easily.
It's almost like so easy to get you folks going. You guys don't feel vulnerable being triggered so easily? Just a few choice words and off you go. I mean how many clues did I leave in that post and even predicted the reaction, and still you couldn't help yourselves.
SilverBells winds you guys up all the time and you constantly fall for it. Ask yourselves, why?
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
6 minutes ago, Emergent said:
I found it interesting and honest.
LOL me too but I was scared to say that. I don't mind being hit on by straight men as long as they are not sleazy or aggressive, and as long as they don't react poorly to being rejected. Usually they don't, because it's not a personal insult if the person rejecting you isn't attracted to your entire gender. It's not personal. I don't like men over sexualizing lesbian relationships, but I will stand by if a straight man wants to compliment me or buy me a free drink with no further expectations even after I say I'm gay, I won't turn it down!
I didn't like the parts in the other threads expressing disgust about gay men. There are certain sexual things that people of all sexualities do that turn me off, but I don't specify them or shame anyone. I do find @Curious1997 is receptive to feedback, and did apologize for coming off homophobic or offensive. That is a quality I admire and I am working on. I do see how some people would be turned off by the comments, and it's good they can give that feedback. I just wish all discussions could be this civil.
Hannahbanana, BSN, MSN
1,265 Posts
There are those who step away or were pushed away for being politically incorrect. Well-respected guides with thousands of likes and posts like Viva could get disciplined or disappeared for comments that some people would find amusing, others would find provocative, others inciting, and other just shrug off with a “meh.” You’ll never know. It’s like Twitter or facebook or any other social site. Them who own Twitter can cancel or limit your membership. Same here.
So when you develop relationships (good or triggering) at AN, you have to realize that for the most part they’re evanescent, able to disappear at a moment’s notice for whatever reason. Perhaps it’s because it’s better for a member’s mental health to leave, like blocking a set of posters on Twitter so you can’t be triggered by them (which I don’t think you can do here).
It’s not going to be good for you if you feel like you’re the member of a community and then find that it doesn’t “community you back,” as it were. You can always take a break for whatever length and drop by again later, to see what’s different— and what hadn’t changed, and will not ever. It’s not reality, though it has reality-based features. Think about how / if parts of it fit your needs, let it go, or not, mostly up to you.