Hi all, I am wondering if anyone has taken a break from this site and come back to it, and if so why? How long did you stay away, and did you come back "refreshed?" I've been on much more than usual during shelter in place. I previously logged on a few times a month, to ask a question, see what's new, and answer questions. I've always appreciated the answers and feedback I've gotten, and as I gained more experience I enjoyed answering questions from new grads and hoping I helped.
Lately I've found the site triggering, especially the recent thread after the Derek Chauvin verdict (thread now closed). It hurts me that there are nurses who believe racism is over or "black people are racist for having their own, exclusively black organizations." I tried to explain these organizations were created because black people were excluded from all organizations, and to promote civil rights. It scares me there are nurses who think like this, and I wonder how they treat their black pts. There are statistics about black people receiving worse care, less pain meds, etc.
I saw this when a pt was having chest pain but nothing showed on the ekg so resident labeled her drug seeking, didn't call cardiologist. Turns out she was having ischemia to the back wall of her heart which doesn't show on ekg. She died. Cardiologist was livid. I knew her for 4 years and it hit me hard. Also, there have been posts about people in mental health crises. I give my advice based on my experience w/ bipolar, but they come back and make the same posts and it scares me. Maybe I'm too sensitive and need to realize I don't even know these people, but I feel I need to take a break for my own mental health, as it exacerbates my bipolar and makes me more scared about my black in-laws and friends. There have been more killings of black people arrested for traffic stops, air freshener in their window, etc. I don't understand how people can't notice the pattern of black people being pulled over for nothing, then ending up dead, or someone like Breonna Taylor shot while sleeping, completely innocent of any crime. It makes me cry to read that people don't care and think it's "overrepresented in the media." There is hard data showing it's not. Any advice? It seems hard to avoid threads w/ triggering topics, because threads start about one thing and take sharp turns to end up talking about other topics. thanks. ❤️
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
I'm still unsure if @Gillyboo is male or female? Or non binary or another identity? was the picture of you? or your wife? If you don't want to clarify it's OK, just curious! I thought I was kind of smart but now I'm so lost LOL
I'm still unsure if @Gillyboo is male or female? Or non binary or another identity? was the picture of you? or your wife? If you don't want to clarify it's OK, just curious! I thought I was kind of smart but now I'm so lost LOL
Non binary and as explained before, its a gender fluid thing.
Im a mom. The pic is all me. All natural. I breastfed my son. Im a wife. Im a sister. You can call me a woman or a she. It doesnt bother me at all. I know I am a woman.
I am just also a man, on a more spiritual plane, I guess you could say. I had always seen girls being called tomboys for climbing trees, fishing, being involved with sports, etc. Back then, we just called ourselves tomboys. This, however, seems to be a more accepted version of what we now call ourselves, which is women who are also men. Tomboys. Just think of me as a tomboy. I am the type that can be out fishing, gutting fish, and smell like squid LOL, and still be red carpet ready for a night of ballroom dancing, by 8 pm. And I am VERY punctual.
I can explain it better if I tell you about how I do halloween costumes..
OK.
So Halloween starts rolling up, and I stress a bit about wearing a costume that is too strictly female. I have worn strictly female costimes, but they sometimes make me feel a little too effeminate.
So.. between super girl, a woodlands fairy, pure gold, and catwoman, I felt a little uncomfortable being pure gold because it was literally something my then bf called me based on my... uhh girly parts. I had dumped him just prior, because he was being a real jerk.
It made me mad that I dressed like that and even objectified myself. This was actually while I was in therapy for my histrionic and masochistic traits, and for PTSD from rapes, so go figure. Mostly I was working on the PTSD stuff and was brand new to therapy so I mean, things hadnt changed much. I was still basically engaging in self defeating behaviors. It took 5 years of therapy to kick that to the curb, and I feel a lot happier now.
I digress.
I only felt uncomfortable as the fairy when I called myself a wood nymph. LOL talk about self defeating. Ugh. But yeah I was equating my entire worth on my sexuality for a LONG time.
Anyhoo. I actually LOVE wearing more gender neutral costumes, even if there is a skirt or trousers. I like dressing as a pirate in a skirt, or a cowboy, or an animal, a doctor, an object, a football player, a clown, or a mummy. Or dressing like a character.. if I dress as another charactor I am not focusing on my gender, but on that characters gender so thats just a thespian, acting thing.
I also in my middle years, have found that pun costumes are fun and easy. Kinda fun anyways.
Sooo thats about it.
Oh and I LOVE scrubs. They take all the guesswork out of what to wear, and are very gender neutral, which is great, since even jeans and shirts arent especially gender neutral, and I just like wearing stuff thats fairly gender neutral, so that I can just not be so uncomfortably overly feminine or masculine.
I wear boots and jackets with skirts a lot. It just helps.
I dunno what else to tell ya. LOL hope that helps, to whatever extent. I just figured this out for myself a few months ago, and am simply thrilled to learn I am not alone.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
1 hour ago, Gillyboo said:
Non binary and as explained before, its a gender fluid thing.
Cool! And yes, scrubs are wonderful! And I agree at Halloween it's always tough to decide between the sexy/slutty route or scary, or funny, etc. Mostly I just get overwhelmed, stay home in sweats and pass out candy to cute kids = )
Cool! And yes, scrubs are wonderful! And I agree at Halloween it's always tough to decide between the sexy/slutty route or scary, or funny, etc. Mostly I just get overwhelmed, stay home in sweats and pass out candy to cute kids = )
My husband is getting me into that game now too!! It was easy to do last year!!
Our little community doesnt get a lot of trick or treaters so I just tell my young mommy friends to come by and get their kiddos a full sized candy bar lmao. I can get two six packs of those and still have candy bars leftover. It's like JEEZ LOL we need signage or something here hahaha
But yeah I feel you on the sweats thing. Sweats and candy. Ooh la la!
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
Last year during covid a parent organized a trick or treat in the backyard of our apartment complex so we could put candy in plastic bags and they could walk around outside (6 ft apart in masks) and still have Halloween. Such cute costumes! It was fun and a good way to meet neighbors since we all sat on our back porches. The thread is off topic again, and maybe I can stir some controversy by asking everyone’s opinion of sexy nurse costumes hahaha
I’m OK with it if you’re an actual nurse, but if you haven’t been through what nurses have, you haven’t earned the right!
With race and sexual violence being such a forward topic now discussions where it comes up are going to happen. That's a good thing in my opinion.
Participants in those discussions will say things they wouldn't necessarily say in a face to face discussion. Sometimes that does result in some pretty illuminating opinions being aired that really expose a posters level of intolerance.
But sometimes a decent dialogue ensues, like this one. Various viewpoints are discussed and education can and does happen.
I have black friends. I have friends that married or partnered with people of color. My former son-in-law became my former daughter-in-law after coming out as transgender so it's not like I have no personal exposure to alternate lifestyles.
I am a middle age straight married white woman. I can't and never will walk a mile in their shoes. I can empathize and yes, even get angry at prejudice but I won't ever be on the receiving end of it. As much as I'd like to better understand my friends experiences I don't feel comfortable ever bringing up the topic unless my friends do first. I am afraid of it coming across the wrong way despite my best intentions. I don't feel like I've earned the right to start that discussion if that makes sense?
But here, where I am like everyone else somewhat hidden behind a veil of anonymity it's a little easier to ask those hard questions. Worst case is I get shot down on the internet. Even if the shooting down comes at the hands of somebody I consider an AN friend I can take that any day over accidentally offending or worse hurting somebody who is a friend in real life.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
1 hour ago, kbrn2002 said:
I don't feel like I've earned the right to start that discussion if that makes sense?
That makes sense. Other than initiating conversations with my partner who is black, I wait for my friends of color to bring up race and injustice, in case they don't feel like talking about it. They have said sometimes it is difficult to talk to white friends no matter if the white friends agree with their opinions, because they end up having to explain and educate, and sometimes deal with "white fragility" of white friends getting defensive and feeling they are accused of being racist if a person of color brings up something they said that offended them or brings up white people being racist in general. They have to hear a "not all white people" and "I'm not racist" speech, and reassure their white friends when THEY are the ones who need support.
This is something I've been working on, coming to terms with the fact that I have implicit biases and I will mess up, that all white people have biases. I try to listen more than I talk, and if I'm given feedback take it in without getting defensive, which I'm not good at in general. And when I hear white people complained about as a group, not take it as a personal insult. I like this thread because people are expressing opposite opinions but staying calm and not hurling insults. Wish America could do the same ?
To Nursel56, and anyone else that seems to be generally LGBTQphobic...
FYI Libra Nurse asked me for more information to help them understand the concept of what being gender fluid, aka nonbinary, means, in my case. I explained. We are having a comfortable dialogue, here, and it would be very kind and even (GASP!) professional of you to not only skip over explanations on LGBTQ issues that you probably are simply still philosophically beleaguered about, but to go ahead and help yourself to blocking me, if you feel SO strongly about how I identify.
Frankly, I am sure I have been far more bullied about WHO I am ever since I have been able to put a name to it, than I ever could have imagined before.
Not really sure what your problem is, but it CERTAINLY shouldnt be "I cant stand this person because they are gender fluid."
Grow up. Please. Block me. Block the shiznit out of me. Do it. Do it now.
Im done with people like YOU. Who needs that!
Not I, said the fly! I like who I am, and I am not here seeking YOUR approval or anyone elses. So kindly go away. Buh bye now.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
When I lived in the big city I had 200 kids on my porch at Halloween. We moved here to the country to a great old house up a long driveway shared c two other houses. The kids and I made 8 smiling jack-o’lanterns and put them all the way up from the street as a guide and readied the stash. And got two kids, former students of the kindergarten teacher from whom we bought the house. The next year my brother brought his 3 year old. And that has been that ever since. It makes me sad, a combination of fewer kids in the neighborhood and net-driven panic over CSA and razor blades in apples.
LibraNurse27, BSN, RN
972 Posts
I'm still unsure if @Gillyboo is male or female? Or non binary or another identity? was the picture of you? or your wife? If you don't want to clarify it's OK, just curious! I thought I was kind of smart but now I'm so lost LOL