switch from medical school to nursing?

[gj101]

This may be an unusual topic for discussion. I would appreciate some thoughtful and kindhearted opinions. Perhaps discussing my situation in an open (albeit anonymous) forum may help me think more clearly regarding my situation. I would appreciate all sincere and thoughtful replies.

I'm finishing my second year of medical school in Philadelphia and I'm nearly ready to begin my hospital rotations. I have been able to work PT as a chiropractor (former career) during medical school. My wife is a Filipina and although I have asked her to work, she is not willing to do so b/c she claims, in her culture, the men support the household financially. Plus… we are trying to have our first child now and my wife tells me that she must not work right now since she is trying to get pregnant b/c she feels the stress/strain of working (even working a desk job) would decrease the likelihood of her getting pregnant. This is apparently a cultural sentiment. I have tried to be empathetic and considerate of our cultural differences, but it's getting difficult. I have been able to pay for all of my medical college tuition and our living expenses from my savings through my second year of medical school. However, as my savings accounts dwindle, financial pressures are mounting. My wife tells me that I should immediately drop out of medical school and pursue a nursing career since I will be able to earn a healthy income sooner than if I were to remain in medical school for 2 more years and then do a residency for 4 years. Before starting medical school, I considered doing an accelerated BSN to MSN program. My wife has worked part-time in the past but she always demanded that most of her income be sent to her family (grandfather, some aunts and uncles, and cousins) in the Philippines since their living situation is so desperate. I feel for her family in the Philippines and I would like to help them, but we have no income currently and my having no income is a source of stress for us. My wife seems unwilling to budge on this issue.

Will you please help me think through my options? There are so many ways to look at this situation. I believe I need to gain better clarity before making any decisions.

thanks!

-greg

[Squidney]

Hello! I am not a nurse and not even a nursing student yet, but I am Filipino so I thought I could share a little bit.

Traditionally, Filipino women are supposed to stay home and care for the kids and the home. The guys are expected to bring in the money and make decisions for the family.

From what you posted OP, she expects you to be a traditional Filipino male and bring in the money and yet she's not playing her role as a traditional wife very well. She's supposed to take care of the house which she isn't really doing according to you. Neither is she taking care of the kids because you have none. Also, as the lady of the house, it is expected of her to take care of you and not order you to work yourself to death.

Also, it is true that a lot of Filipinos- both male and female- send money back home to support IMMEDIATE family members like aging parents or younger siblings. From what I understand, though, is that it is HER responsibility to take care of her parents/siblings and and as her husband you are free to help but not required.

If I were married and did what your wife did to my husband, my parents would send my lazy orifice back to the Philippines and make sure I learn basic good manners and how to be good Filipina wife while being a good individual.

I am sorry to say this, but if you can't talk it out, go for a divorce. You sound like a really nice guy and I hate for you to let go of your bright future for a lady like her. As it stands right now, you do not have a wife; you have a leech.

Best of luck to you, OP!

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

but for those of you who seek to know the Lord and who also pray for others… will you please pray for me and for my wife?

Absolutely!! I'll type more later, but have to start dinner now. :)

[zzbxdo]

My gf and her family is filipino, and what you say your wife claims is hocus pocus. A lot of first generation Filipinas(RNs) are the primary source of income in the US. Your priorities are your immediate self and family. Culture aside, (which isnt viable to me personally) I don't believe she is being considerate toward you or your future. I'll keep it civil and leave it at that. You discussed mostly financial aspects from Md to RN, so I'm sure lifestyle differences isn't your biggest concern. Evaluate it if you haven't. But long term wise, bust out excel and graph your income/loan relationships with debt comparing the 2 careers. Pursuing nursing will take several years longer since you have to take the prerequisites, and apply in and who knows how long you have to wait or how far. See how long it takes you to break even or profit when finish school and work vs starting over for as a RN. If it was me, I'd stick it out since youve already invested and put time in med school... And drop the wife and put my future and career first.

I'm not sure if you would get the best and most useful responses here. Maybe a relationship forum or.. a lawyer. The career itself is irrelevant. Too many things to consider like access to schools, regional needs, market demand etc.

[littlepeopleRNICU]

I agree with organizedChaos. It's most important for you to have that conversation. I understand her tie to her culture and wanting to respect that, but I also do not feel it's fair for her to put that amount of responsibility on you and make you change your career plans, if that's not what you want to do. I'm making an assumption here(and maybe shouldn't), but I'm guessing the two of you have known each other for at least a while and probably even before med school, since you're in second year now. So she knew your aspirations beforehand.

[Nursejackie782]

Hi, I came from a Filipino background and I have to tell you that your wife's way of thinking is very, very, very old fashioned. In fact, I never hear of such things anymore. I'm 36 years old and my mom worked and helped support all four of us siblings in the Philippines even when my father worked his butt off here in the US. My mother and father combined have 10 sisters that received their education and had careers all throughout their lives. It sounds as if your wife is putting her family first in the Philippines. Are they pressuring her to support them? That could be one of the reasons. Either way, it is NOT right for her to place all of this on you. Good luck and stay in med school if it's what your heart desires!!

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Alrighty, I'm back. I'm the one with the 5 kids, and to be honest I felt a lot of resentment toward my husband for years, because I had to work. I wanted to be a SAHM, and it seemed at every turn the church was glorifying the role (I'm Christian, too.) At the time I made more than he did, plus he was in a demanding MBA program.

Then one day reading 1 Peter, I became very convicted. I was sinning not by working, but by holding this resentment towards a man who was doing the best he could. Towards the man that Scripture tells me to respect. I pray your wife will come to the same realization.

(These days he makes a LOT more than I do, and I have cut back on my hours because I could...but I really love my job that I'm at now. I didn't want to leave completely, and am very grateful for his support!)

When you're bringing in an income, if you and your wife decide she can stay home, that's great. I hope if/when that time comes, she is thankful rather than entitled.

And the thing about it is....kids and home are a lot of work!! If you look at many of the notable women in the Bible, they all worked hard in and out of their homes! Lydia and the Prov. 31 woman --selling purple cloth. Ruth -- gleaning wheat for herself and her MIL, while insisting that the older Naomi not do the work. Priscilla -- a fellow worker in Christ, according to Paul. Deborah, a married mother -- a judge over Israel. The Hebrew midwives in Exodus -- in practicing their occupation defended the lives of the newborn boys.

I think of my grandma, a farm wife. She worked her tail off!! Talk about a job. She raised five kids while working a garden, milking cows, turning headless feathered chickens into meat, making hay, cooking everything from scratch, canning the surplus........ I think of Katie Luther getting up at 0400 and butchering their meat, Idelette Calvin being a "faithful helper" in her husband's ministry.

Yeah, not a lot of sitting on FB all day.

I'll be praying for you both and your home, as you asked.

[Satchmo]

I haven't read the thread yet but, the first thing that probably needs to happen is a divorce.

[elkpark]

OP, even if your wife is unwilling to pursue any kind of couples counseling or therapy, you can go to therapy/counseling on your own to help you figure out what makes the most sense for you in this situation, and support you in either choosing to remain in the relationship or to leave it. Best wishes!

[Satchmo]

Ok, I've now read the entire thread. The saddest thing to me is that you are staying in a marriage that will NEVER work because of religion. This is a ridiculous reason to live an unhappy life. It ain't gonna work. Just be done with all this while you still have enough life to enjoy. Don't get counseling. Don't pray for her heart to be softened - use your head. Deep down, you KNOW the real deal. Follow what you can see is really right.

Or don't, and spend your life wallowing in a misery that was easy to avoid.

Life isn't magical. Sometimes we get things wrong. Correct it now!!!!

[zzbxdo]

In the end I'd probably just go back to practicing as a chiropractor instead of getting your rn as well. Dump the wife, restart your practice else where, move on with life.

[~Shrek~]

This whole thing sounds ridiculous. I suspect trolling, but that is just me.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

This whole thing sounds ridiculous. I suspect trolling, but that is just me.

I think you're the only one.