switch from medical school to nursing?

[gj101]

This may be an unusual topic for discussion. I would appreciate some thoughtful and kindhearted opinions. Perhaps discussing my situation in an open (albeit anonymous) forum may help me think more clearly regarding my situation. I would appreciate all sincere and thoughtful replies.

I'm finishing my second year of medical school in Philadelphia and I'm nearly ready to begin my hospital rotations. I have been able to work PT as a chiropractor (former career) during medical school. My wife is a Filipina and although I have asked her to work, she is not willing to do so b/c she claims, in her culture, the men support the household financially. Plus… we are trying to have our first child now and my wife tells me that she must not work right now since she is trying to get pregnant b/c she feels the stress/strain of working (even working a desk job) would decrease the likelihood of her getting pregnant. This is apparently a cultural sentiment. I have tried to be empathetic and considerate of our cultural differences, but it's getting difficult. I have been able to pay for all of my medical college tuition and our living expenses from my savings through my second year of medical school. However, as my savings accounts dwindle, financial pressures are mounting. My wife tells me that I should immediately drop out of medical school and pursue a nursing career since I will be able to earn a healthy income sooner than if I were to remain in medical school for 2 more years and then do a residency for 4 years. Before starting medical school, I considered doing an accelerated BSN to MSN program. My wife has worked part-time in the past but she always demanded that most of her income be sent to her family (grandfather, some aunts and uncles, and cousins) in the Philippines since their living situation is so desperate. I feel for her family in the Philippines and I would like to help them, but we have no income currently and my having no income is a source of stress for us. My wife seems unwilling to budge on this issue.

Will you please help me think through my options? There are so many ways to look at this situation. I believe I need to gain better clarity before making any decisions.

thanks!

-greg

[Dikid]

I understand that your wife has a strong set of values from her cultures. Is it possible that she is not totally committed to your career. Is it possible she is only committed to her own goals?

she seems very manipulative and while I didn't read all of the posts and don't know if it has been suggested but is it possible she married you in order to send money to her relatives. Many fillapino women work so I find her excuses off. Also, are there any legitimate studies about working woman being unable to conceive?

I know nurses with several children and who have worked for years while popping babies.

I hope that she is able to see the light.

I think that the first two years of medical school are very difficult and now things are going to start getting easier academic wise.

getting an msn costs roughly 60k and new grad nurses makes a fraction of what doctors make.

I Know the route to becoming an Md is difficult but if that is something that is your goal than you need to figure it out with your wife.

I am sensing a communication issue with your wife and it seems that you have different expectations. With whichever decision you do make I highly encourage you to see a marriage counselor. If she is not willing than go yourself

marriage isn't only about a man supporting his wife but about sharing goals and dreams and values.

I wish you all the luck!!

[KT_C]

Will you leave your parents just because they have no money? No, because you're a family and love is more important than money.

Then why do some wives leave their husbands when the husband can't support them? I think you can answer the question.

[SharePRN]

We have a large Filipino community where I live and so many of them are nurses who work very hard. They know they must support the family and often make more than their husbands. If you have a baby now and pursue your MD, it will be truly difficult. You will miss out on this kid's life until you go into practice. Your wife will resent you for never being home. It's one thing to accommodate her culture but she is an American and needs to assimilate to this culture too. She doesn't support your dreams and expects you to be a paycheck only. That will blow up soon if you don't work on it first, before a baby comes. Alternate careers to think about are nurse practitioner, physicians assistant, nurse anesthetist, in case MD doesn't work into your life.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

We have a large Filipino community where I live and so many of them are nurses who work very hard. They know they must support the family and often make more than their husbands. If you have a baby now and pursue your MD, it will be truly difficult. You will miss out on this kid's life until you go into practice. Your wife will resent you for never being home. It's one thing to accommodate her culture but she is an American and needs to assimilate to this culture too. She doesn't support your dreams and expects you to be a paycheck only. That will blow up soon if you don't work on it first, before a baby comes. Alternate careers to think about are nurse practitioner, physicians assistant, nurse anesthetist, in case MD doesn't work into your life.

But if he wants a career in medicine, which he seems like he does since he is two years in, nursing isn't the direction for him. I wouldn't suggest someone go a completely different path, he seems happy with what he is doing. Especially since he is gonna be in school for awhile regardless of what he is gonna do.

Also he will miss his children's events if he goes into nursing too. I don't know any nurse who gets off for every holiday or school event their child has. It's part of being an adult.

[amajeste]

You need to ask yourself if you really want to be a physician! I have known two people who have started medical school and then decided on becoming nurses because, they preferred the bedside nursing care over the in and out management of care from the physician. You mentioned that you considered the BSN to MSN accelerated, if this is a Nurse Practitioner Program I highly recommend that you stay in Medical School. The MD route will give you a greater amount of autonomy, regardless of what state you live in. Do not simply leave medical school for financial reasons. There are plenty of opportunities to take out student loans, and if you've been through the first two years debit free that is a huge accomplishment. Go with your heart and your passions. Perhaps waiting two years until you start residency to start having children will also make this an easier financial decision. Good luck! Keep the community updated!

[tallen23]

Wow! This is tough because you sound like a good guy that is trying to do "the right thing" but you have also allow yourself happiness and deserve to accomplish your goals you have set for yourself. Medical school is difficult on a marriage and should've been something you two discussed prior to marriage. I understand your wife is from another culture and you are being respectful but the one big important factor you WILL be faced with is, RESENTMENT. If your wife is unwilling to work with you (as marriage is supposed to work) then it may be time to head to counseling for professional advice. You want to be a doctor, that is clear. Go be a doctor and live your dreams young man!! You DESERVE that! Good luck!

TA

[teapiglets]

Your post on your wife really upsets me because I can say from my Asian culture and from my non American's friends point of view, that is JUST lazy and selfish on her part. You are being manipulated. In a healthy relationship and marriage, both people have to contribute. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices and prioritize things. You are making a future by completing your degree and babies are expensive - they say it cost 1mil? What if she has twins or more? You'll be very stressed.

Sorry to sound harsh but go to marriage counseling and if she doesn't adapt, I'd leave her cause your spouse is someone you're going to spend the next 10,000 meals with, and talking and going on vacation and she is someone who will influence your future kids.

You need to man up and be more selfish and concentrate on yourself because you sound way too nice and you'll get taken advantage of.

[pedseraprn]

Dude. Stay in medical school. It's what you want to do. Nursing doesn't need more people that are there for the money and don't like the work. Have you thought about your income in any profession with a kid. Try alimony and child support plus she'll get a good lawyer to say she "supported" you thru school when we all think opposite. Doesn't your med school have programs where you can talk confidentially with someone? Most do cause they know the stress of med school itself and the havoc it can create.

[Sweetbeth]

Am sure your wife had a dream, before coming to America, and the dream is to come to America and Marry a rich white man just like Donald Trump and his immigrant wife, she will be the rich woman's wife and send his money to her people that's why she tell you real men work and don't go to school. she's probably in good body shape to attract the rich American guy and she hides under religion to get her dreams come true. She is very selfish and really does not know God if at least she is a Christian, from everything you said here she is all about herself. Take some time out to clear your head. She doesn't want counseling and she has made it clear what she wants so is either you do it or she continue to make your home a living hell. She has a dream and a mission.

[enigmainpa]

Wow! I really feel for you. After reading through your posts, I think you've answered your own questions and need validation. Let me segue this by saying, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. For that partnership to be successful, both parties need to identify their mutually attainable goals, be able to make compromises and work together to attain them. You don't have that in your marriage. You 're looking to the long term well being of your family. In using your savings to pay for the first two years of medial school and supprot you and your wife, you've already made enough sacrifices. Stay true to yourself. Finish medical school.

Your wife is not living in the Phillipines and should assimilate into the culture in which she resides. She is being selfish, inconsiderate, and short sighted. She's taking advantage of you, deliberatley misinterpretting cultural traditions to manipulate you. As long as you allow her to, she's going to continue to do so. You're a second year medical student so ought to know that having a job isn't going to interfere with your wife getting pregnant, and frankly, I don't think having a child right away is the smartest thing you could do with all of the other issues the two of you have. Is it part of Phillipino culture for the wife to spend 11 hours a day on Face Book? Here's a link for you:

The Roles Of Husband, Wife, And Children | Philippine Culture

Perhaps share it with your wife.

To put it bluntly, man-up, tell your wife you're staying in medical school and if she wants a future with you she had better join the team, get a job and start being a real partner to you

[pedseraprn]

Also, if you've already been through chiro school, you are a non traditional aged med student and you know a good amount about life, working and school. You had a good idea what you were signing up for and to echo others, the fact that so far you are not in debt is amazing. Doubt the rest of your class can say that. Please be smart and hold your ground with this crazy lady who in my opinion, needs an "education" of her own. Religion isn't enough anymore these days for glue in a marriage. Probably your pastor would be appalled

[Psychcns]

I have a Filipino sister in law and she works more than my brother. I worked with Filipino nurses. Stay in Med school. Do not have a child now. Get some couples counseling or individual counseling. Best wishes