switch from medical school to nursing?

[gj101]

This may be an unusual topic for discussion. I would appreciate some thoughtful and kindhearted opinions. Perhaps discussing my situation in an open (albeit anonymous) forum may help me think more clearly regarding my situation. I would appreciate all sincere and thoughtful replies.

I'm finishing my second year of medical school in Philadelphia and I'm nearly ready to begin my hospital rotations. I have been able to work PT as a chiropractor (former career) during medical school. My wife is a Filipina and although I have asked her to work, she is not willing to do so b/c she claims, in her culture, the men support the household financially. Plus… we are trying to have our first child now and my wife tells me that she must not work right now since she is trying to get pregnant b/c she feels the stress/strain of working (even working a desk job) would decrease the likelihood of her getting pregnant. This is apparently a cultural sentiment. I have tried to be empathetic and considerate of our cultural differences, but it's getting difficult. I have been able to pay for all of my medical college tuition and our living expenses from my savings through my second year of medical school. However, as my savings accounts dwindle, financial pressures are mounting. My wife tells me that I should immediately drop out of medical school and pursue a nursing career since I will be able to earn a healthy income sooner than if I were to remain in medical school for 2 more years and then do a residency for 4 years. Before starting medical school, I considered doing an accelerated BSN to MSN program. My wife has worked part-time in the past but she always demanded that most of her income be sent to her family (grandfather, some aunts and uncles, and cousins) in the Philippines since their living situation is so desperate. I feel for her family in the Philippines and I would like to help them, but we have no income currently and my having no income is a source of stress for us. My wife seems unwilling to budge on this issue.

Will you please help me think through my options? There are so many ways to look at this situation. I believe I need to gain better clarity before making any decisions.

thanks!

-greg

[nurs1ng]

Let me just say this. Yes in the Filipino culture, men have an obligation to support the family (much like other cultures though, right?). But in this situation, it sounds like your wife is making every excuse to get things HER way. Sorry, but she sounds like a controlling spoiled brat. In my household, my mom has been working two full time jobs while dad has been on disability (yes, both Filipino parents). To make the long story short... Get in line with what you want to do. Don't let others tell you what you know you want to do in life. Your wife needs to be a WIFE and learn how to compromise. And btw, "tampo tampo" is synonymous with sulking. She needs to get over herself. Sorry.

SOURCE: I'm Filipino. And I have a huge Filipino family.

[pedseraprn]

I was thinking maybe a month long vacation in the Philippines might provoke an attitude readjustment as a slight reminder of what she has vs they don't. Might be worth the money. Won't be making babies and on the internet there. Better than the shame of sending her home to daddy.

[timeis]

Does she understand that you will have to start be accepted to a nursing school which takes about 3 to 6 months and then attend for at least 2 years if you have all your pre-requites? You probably have the core classes since you were a chiropractor. So by my quick estimate you would still take 2.5 years give or take to graduate. By that time you would be matching for your residency and make as much as the graduate nurse. Residencies are around $55k a year last time I checked. After 3 years of residency you will make more.

[CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

This may be an unusual topic for discussion. I would appreciate some thoughtful and kindhearted opinions. Perhaps discussing my situation in an open (albeit anonymous) forum may help me think more clearly regarding my situation. I would appreciate all sincere and thoughtful replies.

I'm finishing my second year of medical school in Philadelphia and I'm nearly ready to begin my hospital rotations. I have been able to work PT as a chiropractor (former career) during medical school. My wife is a Filipina and although I have asked her to work, she is not willing to do so b/c she claims, in her culture, the men support the household financially. Plus… we are trying to have our first child now and my wife tells me that she must not work right now since she is trying to get pregnant b/c she feels the stress/strain of working (even working a desk job) would decrease the likelihood of her getting pregnant. This is apparently a cultural sentiment. I have tried to be empathetic and considerate of our cultural differences, but it's getting difficult. I have been able to pay for all of my medical college tuition and our living expenses from my savings through my second year of medical school. However, as my savings accounts dwindle, financial pressures are mounting. My wife tells me that I should immediately drop out of medical school and pursue a nursing career since I will be able to earn a healthy income sooner than if I were to remain in medical school for 2 more years and then do a residency for 4 years. Before starting medical school, I considered doing an accelerated BSN to MSN program. My wife has worked part-time in the past but she always demanded that most of her income be sent to her family (grandfather, some aunts and uncles, and cousins) in the Philippines since their living situation is so desperate. I feel for her family in the Philippines and I would like to help them, but we have no income currently and my having no income is a source of stress for us. My wife seems unwilling to budge on this issue.

Will you please help me think through my options? There are so many ways to look at this situation. I believe I need to gain better clarity before making any decisions.

thanks!

-greg

Were you not aware of who your wife was or what she wanted before you got married? I am by no means making any accusations, I am just wondering if you two had a frank discussion about individual roles/responsibility prior to getting married. If so, did your wife not express that all she wanted was to be a SAHM/housewife? If she was honest about her ambitions to be a SAHM/Housewife, although I understand your plight, you wouldn't have a cause or reason for complaining now.

Please note that I have empathy for you, because I was in a relationship like yours once upon a time. My partner was unwilling to seek counseling, so our relationship ultimately ended because he was simply unwilling to pull his weight. He saw me as a meal-ticket rather than a partner, he claimed it was cultural and continued putting pressures on me to accept more nursing shifts than I could handle. When his ambition for anything started to dissipate, I gave him the ultimatum: we seek counseling and you make compromises or we are over! He refused to seek counseling or make any compromises. Instead he focused his energy on my career and advising me all of the time as to what he thought I should be doing. He had no plans of his own, but was certain about plans he had for me. I took a long look at his behaviour over the course of our relationship and decided for myself I was not comfortable marrying someone who would not pull their own weight. To me that seemed like a recipe for an unhappy marriage.

IMMEDIATELY seek counseling with your wife. You two need to meet each other somewhere in the middle. Compromises need to be made by both parties, you're in this relationship together. My sister was 6-months pregnant during her ObGyn residency (how ironic) and was working long hours often on her feet. She's now an ObGyn and worked through her second pregnancy, once again with long hours on her feet. I've had coworkers, who are RNs working bedside shifts while pregnant. So, no offense but I call BS on your wife's claim that pregnant women cannot hold a job because of the stress, let alone a desk job. It seems like you both want different things. She clearly does not want to work (at all), and nothing is wrong with that so long as you both agree and you're comfortable financially supporting her indefinitely. Many women just desire to be SAHMs/a housewife and nothing is wrong with that. If she has been honest all along about wanting to be a SAHM/a housewife, you should not be surprised or disappointed. Get counseling ASAP! You should be supporting and helping each other to reach your goals and happiness. I don't see why only one person should do all the benefiting and make all the demands without making any compromises... even temporary compromises.

Do not drop out of medical school until you both get professional counseling to navigate your options. With your financial struggles/pressures, why would you be planning to have a baby anytime soon? In my opinion, I think your wife could/should get a part-time job. In the end, it'll only benefit her to help you get through medical school because eventually she'll be marrying a doctor

[Hoyasaxa96]

Marriage is a partnership and it doesn't seem that you two are on the same page. You aren't finished with school so it is not time to start a family. You have to many responsibilities eith your school and begining hospital rotations which will be very stressful. Did you both have a discussion before you got married about money, work and starting a family? If she wants to start a family and can't wait 2 or 3 yrs then shes not team player, selfish behaviorand you unfortunately may need to cut your losses and move on so you can meet your goals. There will be plenty of time to find right person and start family ehen your done with med scool and residency. I worked at a teaching hospital for years its very punishing schedule and very hard on people who are married.