This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.
I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."
He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"
As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!
Of course he's not a nurse!
Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!
I am unable to convince my SO that you can't get the flu from a flu shot.
Last year he got a severe pain in his toe. I knew it was probably gout, but when I told him he needed to see a Doctor, he wondered why he spent all that money to put me through school if I couldn't help him...Needless to say that was a huge fight!
Years ago, my pastor announced to his very large congregation that his 8 year old granddaughter was going to have surgery on her ears, to repair her "fallopian tubes"...!
years ago, my pastor announced to his very large congregation that his 8 year old granddaughter was going to have surgery on her ears, to repair her "fallopian tubes"...!
Specializes in L&D/Postpartum/Newborn, Home Health.
I have several..haha!!
One night when I was on c-section call and there was a mom attempting a VBAC so I was required to be within 5 minutes of the hospital while she was laboring. My husband and I went to dinner at a restaurant about amile away from the hospital. As we finished dinner I was debating whether I should call in and see how the patient was doing so I knew if I would be able to head home soon or if I should just go to the hospital. My husband said "they'll probably tell you she's six and multi-tipped" HAHAHA! I must say, I was impressed that he was at least trying to use the "lingo"
When I was about 28 weeks pregnant with my third child, I got a wild urge to rearrange my furniture. As I was moving things around my daughter, who was 8 at the time, and my son, who was 5, were concerned. They kept telling me I should stop. I reassured them that I was fine but they weren't convinced, my daughter said "but, mom, please stop if you start having those one things.." my son rolled his eyes and replied "duh, they are called C-SECTIONS." I think "contractions" is more what she had in mind....
And finally, a few years ago I took my daughters to the zoo, they were 8 and 7 at the time-they were playing on some toys in the petting zoo-one was a large nest, one was a cracked egg that was big enough for a couple of kids to get inside. My youngest daughter was in the egg, her big sister was in the nest on the other side of the playground-the daughter in the egg yelled out "look mom, I hatched out of an egg" the daughter in the nest yelled across the playground to her "no you didn't, you grew in moms uterus and came out of her lady parts." Yeah, maybe being open about the reproductive process is not always the best idea!!! (haha)
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
OK, I'm an NP now, which to my DH, puts me right up there with the Almighty himself. There's not a whole lot I can't do, according to him. I was talking about having to go in for my yearly last week when he had his latest fit of brilliance....
"Hey! You're a family NP now, you can do those!"
"Yeah, your point, honey?"
"Just do your own. Get one of the nurses to help you."
"Honey, you DO realize what all goes on? I'd have to be a contortionist to pull that off!"
"Well, you could walk them through it, right? I mean, wouldn't you be in the room?"
Ya know, some days, it's not even worth getting out of bed. God love him.
I love my special needs sister, but she's a bit of a hypochondriac. One day (right after I got up) she walked up to me, freaking out: "my right elbow hurts".
Me: (looking at her. doesn't appear to be in great agony) "Your elbow."
Her: (terrified) "Uh-huh. I read in the Reader's Digest that right arm pain can indicate a heart attack."
Me: "It's your elbow."
Her: "But it's my RIGHT ARM." (pause) "Or does the left arm pain indicate a heart attack?"
My significant other has a brother who is nothing short of a severe exaggerater when it comes to his stories. There is always some kind of fantastical story coming out of my brother in laws mouth and they are always hard, if not impossible for me to believe, sadly though there are some who fall for all of his stories and hang off of his every word. The best one that had me laughing right mid story, causing everyone around me to look at me intrigued as to what i found so amusing, was when he told of how he had been water skiing and had broken his leg by way of a bad fall from the skiis, He said it was a bad break, penetrated the skin, snapped the bone clean in half. This aparrently occured when he was away on holiday for 2 weeks, so within this 2 weeks he managed to heal completely and come home to tell us all about it? Miraculous, and then when asked about the hospital and how they repaired such a significant break he simply told us that they glued the bone back together with the same glue they use to close wounds and then glued the wound closed and wrapped his leg in a tight bandage to keep the bone in place whilst the glue set. And yes, he does know what i do for a living....
I had a neighbor who told everyone who would listen that she had a lung transplant at our small rural hospital and only had to stay overnight. Wish I healed that quickly!
My husband swears that my children will grow up really tough. He tells me that when one of the kids gets injured, that I 'tell them to rub some dirt on it'
Mine told me, in all seriousness, that he needed a non-rebreather at night while he sleeps because he snores and has asthma. I wondered if he'd even want the 10L of o2!!
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Mine told me, in all seriousness, that he needed a non-rebreather at night while he sleeps because he snores and has asthma. I wondered if he'd even want the 10L of o2!!
Honey, in all seriousness I doubt that he would. He would get tired of it really fast. I know. I am on it 24/7 and it's a pain juggling that tubing everywhere I go. I give you permission to tell him I mentioned it.
al7139, ASN, RN
618 Posts
I am unable to convince my SO that you can't get the flu from a flu shot.
Last year he got a severe pain in his toe. I knew it was probably gout, but when I told him he needed to see a Doctor, he wondered why he spent all that money to put me through school if I couldn't help him...Needless to say that was a huge fight!