Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.

"Hey, watcha doing?" This phone call, at 12noon, after a grueling 14hr shift. And you know I had to go back in at 7pm :uhoh3: Oy~ It took me a while to get through to him that he was NOT to wake me except on the occasion of nuclear holocaust or my hair was on fire...

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I'm still in the process of reading this thread. Some of these are hysterical! I'm a new grad, but have been a PCT on night shift for the last few years.

One night a pt (approx. 40 y/o) put on his call light at about 0300-0400. So I go into his room to see what he needed. First words outta his mouth... "I didn't wake you up, did I?" :lol2: *sigh*

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
One night a pt (approx. 40 y/o) put on his call light at about 0300-0400. So I go into his room to see what he needed. First words outta his mouth... "I didn't wake you up, did I?" :lol2: *sigh*
:yeah: When I was in an assisted living facility, I did have to wake up a caregiver. Thankfully, I had my own phone so I could call by phone. :down: I do not have a good word for that place, nor will I ever recommend it to anyone.:down:
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My husband was raised on a dairy farm. When I was pregnant with our first child, he said, "whaddya mean they come out head first?" Cows are normally born front hooves first. He understood then why we couldn't just pull to help get the baby out.

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Specializes in ED.
Ok have any of you ever watched the comedian Jeff Dunham? Anyways he has a puppet named Achmed The Dead Terrorist, he is a skeleton. Ok we were watching him on comedy centeral one night and Achmed made a joke saying that he was having a bad time and he thought he had Scoliosis. My DH breaks out laughing like it is the FUNNIEST thing he has ever heard. Well I know my husband and I said "Do you know what Scoliosis is?" to which he replied, " Yea it is a flesh eating disorder, Achmed is a skeleton dear, shouldn't you know this being a nursing student?!" And continues to laugh as hard as he can.......Had to set him straight on that one....

I KEEEL YOU!!!

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

OK, I'm an NP now, which to my DH, puts me right up there with the Almighty himself. There's not a whole lot I can't do, according to him. I was talking about having to go in for my yearly last week when he had his latest fit of brilliance....

"Hey! You're a family NP now, you can do those!"

"Yeah, your point, honey?"

"Just do your own. Get one of the nurses to help you."

"Honey, you DO realize what all goes on? I'd have to be a contortionist to pull that off!"

"Well, you could walk them through it, right? I mean, wouldn't you be in the room?"

Ya know, some days, it's not even worth getting out of bed. God love him.

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Specializes in Onc/Med-Surg, ER, Nursing Supervisor.
I'm still in the process of reading this thread. Some of these are hysterical! I'm a new grad, but have been a PCT on night shift for the last few years.

One night a pt (approx. 40 y/o) put on his call light at about 0300-0400. So I go into his room to see what he needed. First words outta his mouth... "I didn't wake you up, did I?" :lol2: *sigh*

LOL. I have had several pts ask me where the nurses sleep at night.

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.
lol. i have had several pts ask me where the nurses sleep at night.

we check to see which patient seems to be sleeping the hardest and looks the most comfortable, then we kick him out of bed, so we can crawl in instead. j/k...:cool:

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A few years ago, my husband was telling MY BOSS about his shoulder injury, and instead of him saying that he tore his labrum in his shoulder, he said he had torn his labia!!! I yelled his name at him in embarrasment, and as everyone looked at me, and my bright red face, nobody in the room knew what that meant! I then explained that it is female genatalia, and my female boss said, "Oh, well you shouldn't have said anything, I had no idea what it was." :eek: Even though she had one, she didn't know it. I'm still not sure what part is funnier, what my husband said, or that she didn't know what it meant either!

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A few years ago, my husband was telling MY BOSS about his shoulder injury, and instead of him saying that he tore his labrum in his shoulder, he said he had torn his labia!!! I yelled his name at him in embarrasment, and as everyone looked at me, and my bright red face, nobody in the room knew what that meant! I then explained that it is female genatalia, and my female boss said, "Oh, well you shouldn't have said anything, I had no idea what it was." :eek: Even though she had one, she didn't know it :D

Something similar happened to me. I was the person who said something embarrassing. My friend (who is a student nurse as well) and I were at our placement at a school and we were talking about our skin types (i.e, dry, oily and combination) during our break.

Friend: My face is so dry. I have to moisturize at least x times during the winter.

[The principal of the school came inside the room where we were taking our break]

Me: Well, my FORESKIN gets oily! Note: I'm female. What I meant was my FOREHEAD. Oh my, Freudian slip mayhap? lmao :lol2:

I was beet red! And I tried to quickly redeem myself by saying "I mean, I mean FOREHEAD not FORESKIN!" multiple times but by then the damage was done and my friend was laughing at me. lol :clown:

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Something similar happened to me. I was the person who said something embarrassing. My friend (who is a student nurse as well) and I were at our placement at a school and we were talking about our skin types (i.e, dry, oily and combination) during our break.

Friend: My face is so dry. I have to moisturize at least x times during the winter.

[The principal of the school came inside the room where we were taking our break]

Me: Well, my FORESKIN gets oily! Note: I'm female. What I meant was my FOREHEAD. Oh my, Freudian slip mayhap? lmao :lol2:

I was beet red! And I tried to quickly redeem myself by saying "I mean, I mean FOREHEAD not FORESKIN!" multiple times but by then the damage was done and my friend was laughing at me. lol :clown:

OH man, I think THAT is one of the funniest things I've ever heard! I am crying from laughing right now!! Lmao!;)

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When I looked back at where the principal was in the room, I don't think she heard what I said. But then again, I said it pretty loud. I think she was trying to be professional and she didn't want to embarrass me further lol. I'm glad I made you laugh.

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