Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[exnavygirl-RN]

Too funny. ha ha ha

I came home from work one day (a Saturday) and found my husband coming out of the bathroom. He told me he had been having diarrhea all day. I asked him what he had been eating and he told me "I was at the neighbors and we had boiled peanuts and beer. That's all I've had all day". My response was "well duhhhh!!!"

Gotta love 'em!

[CarrieH]

Just tonight, my mother-in-law told me that one of her sisters needs to have the aorta in her neck cleaned out.

My husband is always coming up with some weird comment or complaint, but I can't think of an example right now. (time for bed) He likes to use my name to give his family advise... ie: "Carrie said you should stop taking baby aspirin because there was blood on the tissue when you blew your nose"... excuse me? I said what now?

[HmarieD]

My MIL in resp isolation for suspected TB, tells me "They keep making me do that spit 'em up test"

[exnavygirl-RN]

LOL!!

Just tonight, my mother-in-law told me that one of her sisters needs to have the aorta in her neck cleaned out.

My husband is always coming up with some weird comment or complaint, but I can't think of an example right now. (time for bed) He likes to use my name to give his family advise... ie: "Carrie said you should stop taking baby aspirin because there was blood on the tissue when you blew your nose"... excuse me? I said what now?

[Moogie]

Another story about my DH.

A couple of years ago, he got two flu shots in one season. He thought he would be doubly protected against the flu.

He 'fessed up while he was lying in bed, moaning, c/o muscle aches and fever.

[kerric511]

Too funny. ha ha ha

"I was at the neighbors and we had boiled peanuts"

Gotta love 'em!

Boiled Peanuts .... That makes me miss home

[Di Deanna]

Can someone please clean the aorta out of my neck?

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

"Aorta" know better than that! :chuckle

[exnavygirl-RN]

Where is home? I'm in Mississippi.

Boiled Peanuts .... That makes me miss home

[Moogie]

"Aorta" know better than that! :chuckle

GROAN! Great pun!

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Said by my sister (who has bipolar disorder and is extremely noncompliant).

"Well, I found that I can cure Malaria with my chicken soup for 3 days. 'Cause Mike (her DH) had it and I just dosed him up and he's cured!!!!!"

"You see he got back when he served in Vietnam, and it keeps coming and going - Besides what else could he have possibly had, 'cause he had a fever but no vomiting or diarrhea - it had to be the Malaria."

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As a side note, she used to tell me that she "adjusted" her Lithium dose so that she could drink "just a little bit."