Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in LTC- Tx Dept. of aging and disabilities.

hi everyone, i am a new grad and i havent started working yet, but i have one to share. my husband and i were talking about my cousin who was in labor. i told him that "she lost her mucus plug and started bleeding a bit, so she was on her way to the hospital." well, my husband then asks "i know a woman doesnt have her period when she is pregnant so, the mucus plug does what? holds in her menstrual flows every month because she is pregnant? man, she must have started bleeding alot, she had 9 months of blood in her!!"

gotta love a man for thinking like that lol.:lol2:

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My mother in law was staying with us last year after a pretty long stay in the hospital. She knows I'm in nursing school, so she acts like I'm her nurse in the hospital. She has fibromyalgia and takes a lot of pain meds, so she tends to get constipated. So, even though I work full time and go to school, I took the time to cut up a bunch of fruit and put it in the fridge (watermelon, canteloupe, honey dew, grapes, strawberries, etc). I explain to her that she needs to eat some fruit each day to assist with the constipation. We had a lot of battles over her diet while she was staying with us. Anyway, I come home from my full-time job one day and innocently ask her how she is feeling and how her day went. She says, the day was Ok, but that she is really constipated. I asked her what she ate that day. Her response? Cheese and fudgesicles.....oh really? And you're constipated you say?? Boy am I glad she ended up going back home!

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

Recently one of the dogs had surgery. When I had to remove her stitches, my darling husband wasn't sure I could handle it. After all, I was a "people" nurse, not a "puppy" nurse. I think he was serious. :icon_roll

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Specializes in Case Mgmt, Anesthesia, ICU, ER, Dialysis.
Recently one of the dogs had surgery. When I had to remove her stitches, my darling husband wasn't sure I could handle it. After all, I was a "people" nurse, not a "puppy" nurse. I think he was serious. :icon_roll

When our darling Chicago-kitty was in the final stages of his life, and needed fluids and injectible antibiotics at home, the vet had to PERSONALLY reassure DH that I was more qualified to wield a needle and IV tubing than any of his vet techs.

(Plus being one h*ll of a lot CHEAPER!)

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I have two:

#1: a while back, my 10 year old daughter passed out at school after PE and not eating any breakfast. She's had a few incidences similar, so I was telling hubby we should check her blood sugar for a few days to get an idea of what she was running. He said, "Are you sure you can do that? Shouldn't we take her to the doctor for that?" Never mind my insistence that yes, I really do this all the time at work (several times a day, as yall know), and no, I don't just wipe @$$ for a living, as he insisted that's all I do at work, and was NO WAY qualified to stick her.

#2: We were in a chain pharmacy, and hubby saw a large box of cetirizine and said, "Hey, isn't that the same thing as Zyrtec? I bet I could save some money if I bought that instead!" I replied, yes, it is, and yes, it's just as good as brand name Zyrtec, and yes, it really will be the same thing. Even still, he had to ask the pharmacist hey, what is this stuff? Is this the same thing as Zyrtec? Even my 10 year old rolled her eyes, and said, Geez, Dad!!

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Specializes in Long-term Care.

My dear boyfriend of 5 years: I think there is something wrong with my prostrate (that's how he said it)

Me: what makes you think that?

Him: It itches.

Me: ;) You can't itch your prostate

Him: I think its from sweating or,maybe its that new laundry detergent you bought.

Me: You can't itch your prostate it's internal

Him: no its not. I can see it

Me: Sorry to break it to you babe but that is your scrotum.

Him: I't doesn't hurt when I pee

Me: just forget it

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Specializes in ED.

Me: what makes you think that?

Him: It itches.

Me: ;) You can't itch your prostate

Him: I think its from sweating or,maybe its that new laundry detergent you bought.

Me: You can't itch your prostate it's internal

Him: no its not. I can see it

Me: Sorry to break it to you babe but that is your scrotum.

Him: I't doesn't hurt when I pee

Me: just forget it

made me cry, before your vasectomy i need to shave your prostate.

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Specializes in Telemetry, M/S.

I had come home after my first code and my patient didn't make it. I was venting to my DH and telling him how doing CPR on a real person is so much different from the CPR dummy when he asked if the pt had made it to which I replied no.

He told me that I must not have been doing CPR right...*sigh*

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.
I had come home after my first code and my patient didn't make it. I was venting to my DH and telling him how doing CPR on a real person is so much different from the CPR dummy when he asked if the pt had made it to which I replied no.

He told me that I must not have been doing CPR right...*sigh*

:angryfire That's just mean.

For revenge, you should do what one of my students did. In skills lab, they were practicing catheterization and for some reason I still don't understand, each student was permitted to take home one catheter. One of my students said that her boyfriend saw hers in her car and asked what it was. She told him---and then said that her assignment was to "practice" on somebody! :eek:

Better yet---the boyfriend believed her!

No, she didn't really cath him. At least, I don't THINK she did. :D

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Specializes in LTC, SNF, PSYCH, MEDSURG, MR/DD.

you arent going to sleep all day are you?

after i worked a 3pm to 7am shift..............

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Specializes in Medical.

A friend of mine was sent home from a shift with pneumonia so severe they wanted to admit her and she was getting IM antibiotics BD from her GP.

Her husband: I think I have the same thing but without the chest part

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Specializes in Case Mgmt, Anesthesia, ICU, ER, Dialysis.

OK, to the one who's DH said she hadn't been doing CPR right - girl, you want us to hurt him?? 'Cause we will!

To the one who's DH gave them crap about "sleeping all day"...yeah, I got that on a regular basis too. I worked 3 12's 7p-7a, and by that third day, I was dead on my feet, ready to kill anyone who suggested I didn't have the right to pass out for 24 hours or however long it took me to recooperate, especially if it had been a busy weekend in the local "gun and knife club". :-\

Folks just don't get it. That's why it's so important for us to stick together.

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