Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

If she had COPD she would have a reason to wheeze. Doesn't she know that no ventilation and hair spray don't mix? My sister used to put that stuff on my hair after she cut and styled it. I always had to go outside in order to get my breath. I eventually told her to only put that stuff on my hair outside if she wanted to put it on my hair.

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Specializes in -.

Me: I will have to go to the doctor and get some Lasix

Partner: Lasix ?

Me: It's a diuretic

Partner: Wouldn't my dad have some ??

Me: Why ??

Partner: He's a diabetic !

:p

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Omg. I just realized that i've been telling doctors and nurses that my grandfather has a touch of emphysema.

I'm a nursing student.

crap. :bluecry1:

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Specializes in Cardiovascular.

my fiance and i were watching a show and the womans water broke. he then asks me how long she has to get to the hospital since she was taking a shower and getting things ready before she left. he then asks me "well shouldnt she hurry to the hospital because now the baby can't breathe...since all the fluid is gone the baby is going to die!" i was like lol....the baby is not going to die. it was just so funny cause he was so clueless! :)

he always asks silly questions and has no idea...it always cracks me up! but it always gives me an opportunity to practice teaching so its all good! lol! :)

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

i called my elderly aunt tonight and while we were talking, she told me a friend's husband had had an m.i., but went right on to tell me she was thankful that, at least, he hadn't had a heart attack.:uhoh3:

she's almost 90, and frightens easily, so i didn't correct her.

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Specializes in PACU, OR.
A friend who had been in the military once told me that when any of his fellow officers got an STD, he'd say it was dysentery to avoid embarrassment. devil-smiley-038.gif

Unfortunately, one of the young officers DID get dysentery! (Did he say he had an STD, then?)

devil-smiley-083.gif

Did you know that, during WW2, soldiers coming home from North African service frequently came home with STDs. Their favorite excuse? They caught it from the camels...

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Specializes in multispecialty ICU, SICU including CV.

Me: I'm really tired today, honey (after working a 12 hour shift).

Husband (a salaried business guy) : Why? You don't have any responsibility. Somebody just finishes all your work after you leave.

We still fight about this one all the time. :mad:

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Me: Lord, my back is killing me, I hope I don't have a kidney stone.

DH:Well, if you do, it's your own fault, you shouldn't have eaten all those blueberries.

Me:What does THAT have to do with a stone?

DH: All those little seeds probably got together in a stone and stopped your kidneys up.

Me: Sigh, and fight the laughter.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
'Tis an auto filter indeed. For the same reason when you're describing purulent drainage using another also-can-be-misconstrued word, it gets filtered out too. :coollook:

This makes me laugh! We were doing an I&D one day and I hear the surgeon dictating on the phone. He said the alternate word for purulent drainage, but added an "ie" sound at the end. When he hung up, I asked him how he thinks the telephone auto-dictation would actually spell out that word. He immediately called and deleted the dictation!

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
My significant other has a brother who is nothing short of a severe exaggerater when it comes to his stories. There is always some kind of fantastical story coming out of my brother in laws mouth and they are always hard, if not impossible for me to believe, sadly though there are some who fall for all of his stories and hang off of his every word. The best one that had me laughing right mid story, causing everyone around me to look at me intrigued as to what i found so amusing, was when he told of how he had been water skiing and had broken his leg by way of a bad fall from the skiis, He said it was a bad break, penetrated the skin, snapped the bone clean in half. This aparrently occured when he was away on holiday for 2 weeks, so within this 2 weeks he managed to heal completely and come home to tell us all about it? Miraculous, and then when asked about the hospital and how they repaired such a significant break he simply told us that they glued the bone back together with the same glue they use to close wounds and then glued the wound closed and wrapped his leg in a tight bandage to keep the bone in place whilst the glue set. And yes, he does know what i do for a living....

Oh wow! What a fishing story that was! How I WISH that there was something like glue to repair bones! I bet you had to hold your stomach you were laughing so hard! What a dork!

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

Very funny story:

My friend who works in the sales industry absolutely loves the show "Nurse Jackie". She is an educated woman, but she has a learning disability and sometimes does not understand what she is hearing, especially when it comes to medical terminology. I have encouraged her to expand on her vocabulary, and she has a comfort level with me that allows her to "try out" big words without the fear of ridicule. She was telling me about one particular episode where the new nurse, Zoe is trying to get Jackie's attention for a code that was rolling through the door. Zoe comes into the room yelling, "Jackie, this patient needs to be intubated STAT!" It was Jackie's hilarious reaction to the flustered Zoe that my friend was trying to convey, but instead of saying the word "intubated", my friend said "incubated" and I missed the entire point of her story. I was laughing so hard I was crying!

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:smokin: You can tell him that I had one after my third child and my childless sister has had one too.

My mum too after having me.

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