Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.
my sister-n-law swears up and down that some guy she knew that is an alcoholic was on the verge of death in the icu, when his wife came running in and yelled "he's not dying, he needs a beer!" so the dr. spiked an iv bag of coors and now the guy is alive and well! *i'm* the dumb one though because i don't believe her.... ha!

reminds me of the people around here who say either, "i used to be alcoholic but i can drink a little bit now." or "i'm an alcoholic so i can only have beer." huh?

good luck changing their minds.

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

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Specializes in LTC, peds, rehab, psych.

My ex husband has been known to say moronic things. He has a very rare autoimmune disease that many doctors have never heard of, and was finally diagnosed by a rheumy after 6 other specialists could not diagnose it after myriads of tests. Anyway, because me, the LPN, could not diagnose him myself, he refused to listen to any advice I gave him that was within my realm, like things involving medications, etc. And when I'd say, "I'm a nurse, this is my job, why do you not believe me?" His reply would be, "Because when I ask you medical questions like what disease I had, you couldn't tell me, so why would you know this stuff?"

Um...yeah.

This is from the guy who was positive that his sinus infection was actually a brain tumor.

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'Tis an auto filter indeed. For the same reason when you're describing purulent drainage using another also-can-be-misconstrued word, it gets filtered out too. :coollook:

I was on another site trying to post about the author Charles Dickens. The filter wouldn't let me.

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Specializes in OB/Gyn, L&D, NICU.

Actually, this happens quite often. The treatment for delerium tremens due to alcohol withdrawal is alcohol, often beer.

My sister-n-law swears up and down that some guy she knew that is an alcoholic was on the verge of death in the ICU, when his wife came running in and yelled "he's not dying, he needs a beer!" so the Dr. spiked an IV bag of Coors and now the guy is alive and well! *I'm* the dumb one though because I don't believe her.... HA!
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Specializes in OB/Gyn, L&D, NICU.

I think he meant "bilateral inguinal hernias."

My ex-husband called me at work one day after his doctor appointment and said "I have bilingual hernias." I busted a gut laughing. He had bilateral hernias.

Now, I can't help wonder what language his hernias were .......

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Yes, however the exceptial part of the story was the dramatic spiking of the beer bag IV!:)

Actually, this happens quite often. The treatment for delerium tremens due to alcohol withdrawal is alcohol, often beer.

Originally Posted by kirkwoodLPN2009 viewpost.gif

My sister-n-law swears up and down that some guy she knew that is an alcoholic was on the verge of death in the ICU, when his wife came running in and yelled "he's not dying, he needs a beer!" so the Dr. spiked an IV bag of Coors and now the guy is alive and well! *I'm* the dumb one though because I don't believe her.... HA!

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

My youngest is a single 39 yo who has never had a serious intimate relationship with a SO. She became a CNA a few years ago, who was working in a nursing home, and one day told me, "You know, I shouldn't have to give men a bath or a shower. After all I am a virgin. :D

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.
my youngest is a single 39 yo who has never had a serious intimate relationship with a so. she became a cna a few years ago, who was working in a nursing home, and one day told me, "you know, i shouldn't have to give men a bath or a shower. after all i am a virgin. :D

:hhmth:

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

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Specializes in critical care, home health.

My former sister-in-law told us she'd taken her new husband to church to cure his alcoholism. (She met him in a bar, or course.) Because he was clearly possessed by a demon, the pastor cast the demon out, and he was cured.

Imagine her surprise when he relapsed a couple of weeks later, kicked big dents into the side of her car, ripped the phone out of the wall, and punched her 14-year-old daughter in the face. Her response to this was to kick her daughter out of the house, and take her DH back to church for another exorcism. Surprisingly, that exorcism too had little effect on his "demon", and she eventually divorced him, resulting in HER being disowned by her church. She never took her daughter back in, either.

When I was a kid, I remember eating a spoonful of sugar out of the sugar bowl. My mom freaked right out. "You can't eat plain sugar like that, or you will get WORMS!" she cried.

I didn't believe her, even then. Years later, after I became a nurse, I confronted her on this. I said, "You know you can't get worms from eating sugar out of the sugar bowl, right? That was probably just something YOUR mom told YOU when she caught you eating out of the sugar bowl."

She just looked at me blankly and asserted that no, she knew for a fact that eating sugar straight out of the bowl is what caused worms. She could not bring herself to even question what her mother had told her. As we all know, mothers never lie. :uhoh3:

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Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.
I'm not a nurse yet so I don't know everything but my fiance thinks I do, I have do deal with him constantly "give me your hand. okay touch here" for every bump, bruise, scratch, everything.

He doesn't eat enough fiber and gets constipated a lot. He went to the doctor and pointed out a "bump" under his ribs on his right side and the doctor told him "that's your ribs" so he got mad and said the doctor was stupid and didn't want to go back there again. He made me touch it and all I did was look at him and he freaked out "DONT TELL ME ITS MY RIBS"

Oh, and this is not just with medical stuff:

If I tell him, "eat more fruit so it'll be easier when you use the restroom" etc. and he still went to his mom asking what he should do because it's hard for him to use the restroom. She gave him some weird herbal pill and he was confident it would fix it but it didn't do anything and when I told her he doesn't eat any fruits or vegetables she freaked out all, "he didnt tell me that!! i thought he had a real problem!" but he always goes to someone, anyone to get a "2nd opinion" if I tell him something. he always asks me questions but he never believes me when I give him answers until someone else confirms it. It's frustrating but when I call him out on it he's sweet about it, he's just a weirdo.

HA!! My BF is the same way.....annoying!!! :uhoh3:

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My ex-hubby and I used to "share" our golden retriever (a female) with his parents. One day, it was determined that she needed a flea bath. My dear, sweet, MIL, in a tone only a mother could muster,admonished the then hubby, "Now JP, when you are giving the dog her flea bath, you make sure that you be very careful of her testicles!"

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Moogie I'll see what I can do! Unfortunately I don't think he'd be quite that dumb. I hope I have great clinical instrutors

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