Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[monkeelouise]

My vet let me take our dog home to recover from an accident, he had hematuria, my husband freaks, Do Something, Do Something. I said what? He said you're the nurse, your supposed to know. I said I do people, not dogs. Dog is great.

Same situation- removing stitches after the dog was spayed- Do you know what you're doing? Nah, I'll figure it out as I go.

Or my husband was in ER, got an IV, I cleaned the site, while the nurse finished taping it down, he said Don't do that, you will mess it up, the ER nurse (i worked with for years) was laughing so hard he was crying and had to leave the room.

[sharpeimom]

my vet let me take our dog home to recover from an accident, he had hematuria, my husband freaks, do something, do something. i said what? he said you're the nurse, your supposed to know. i said i do people, not dogs. dog is great.

same situation- removing stitches after the dog was spayed- do you know what you're doing? nah, i'll figure it out as i go.

that's ok! our cats (more than 20) have all been boys but two of them. after sophie and eleanor were spayed, i removed their sutures, using the kits the vet had sent home with me. the weather was below zero both times and the vet said it was silly to take them out when i could remove them just as easily. my husband said, "are you sure you really know how to remove cat stitches? what if she has a scar?":eek: aarrruuuggghhhhhh! i told him to quit worrying because her bikini bottom would cover the scar ....

one of our boys came from a shelter where they neutered at 8 weeks. we were told he had some hematuria but that it would only last a day or so, and if it lasted longer, call our vet. it lasted a week and we checked in with our vet, who checked him out and put him on special food for a week and it finally quit. about six months later, my husband had a vasectomy and had a similar problem. the urologist told me to really push fluids and that should help. my husband's question, asked after we got home, "i won't have to eat that frank ate, will i?" ... huh?!

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

[Psilant]

My sister told me a while ago that she wanted to be a nurse. After her hearing me tell her how hard it is and all the work (classroom wise) that was involved she changed her mind. She then said that she wanted to be a CNA, because it was far less physically demanding......... Sadly, I had to burst her bubble on that one.

[Amber Lynn]

When he grabs my lovehandles and says...."SubQ"

It's not stupid...kind of cute actually. Now if I could only get rid of the lovehandles...

[fiveofpeep]

When he grabs my lovehandles and says...."SubQ"

It's not stupid...kind of cute actually. Now if I could only get rid of the lovehandles...

thats very cute hehe

[Kim O'Therapy, BSN, RN]

I am an oncology nurse, so I get asked questions from pt family members as well as my own family members. I am ALWAYS asked, "You are a cancer nurse...what EXACTLY causes cancer?" Hmmmmmmm.......if I knew the answer to that one, I would be a millionaire!

[S.Gettes]

My significant other has a brother who is nothing short of a severe exaggerater when it comes to his stories. There is always some kind of fantastical story coming out of my brother in laws mouth and they are always hard, if not impossible for me to believe, sadly though there are some who fall for all of his stories and hang off of his every word. The best one that had me laughing right mid story, causing everyone around me to look at me intrigued as to what i found so amusing, was when he told of how he had been water skiing and had broken his leg by way of a bad fall from the skiis, He said it was a bad break, penetrated the skin, snapped the bone clean in half. This aparrently occured when he was away on holiday for 2 weeks, so within this 2 weeks he managed to heal completely and come home to tell us all about it? Miraculous, and then when asked about the hospital and how they repaired such a significant break he simply told us that they glued the bone back together with the same glue they use to close wounds and then glued the wound closed and wrapped his leg in a tight bandage to keep the bone in place whilst the glue set. And yes, he does know what i do for a living....

[talaxandra]

And you found that unconvincing? Really? Maybe he had some revolutionary new therapy that... what a liar!

[teeniebert, LPN]

I am an oncology nurse so I get asked questions from pt family members as well as my own family members. I am ALWAYS asked, "You are a cancer nurse...what EXACTLY causes cancer?" Hmmmmmmm.......if I knew the answer to that one, I would be a millionaire![/quote']

From one of my favorite t-shirts: "It has recently been determined that research causes cancer in rats."

[seasonednurse78]

My ex-husband called me at work one day after his doctor appointment and said "I have bilingual hernias." I busted a gut laughing. He had bilateral hernias.

Now, I can't help wonder what language his hernias were .......

[seasonednurse78]

This is one for the books and from my mother who, in the past and on more than one occasion, would talk about someone and say, "so and so fractured their such and such but it wasn't broken."

[NCIANurse]

My sister-n-law swears up and down that some guy she knew that is an alcoholic was on the verge of death in the ICU, when his wife came running in and yelled "he's not dying, he needs a beer!" so the Dr. spiked an IV bag of Coors and now the guy is alive and well! *I'm* the dumb one though because I don't believe her.... HA!