Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

My best friends sister had bruised her chest somehow and she has a way of being dramatic about things....so you can only imagine how hard I laughed when she held her chest and told me her "scrotum" hurt!! I said.....honey...that's your sternum....you shouldn't have a scrotum!! I laughed until I cried!! :lol2:

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As a nursing student, my boyfriend gets to hear me moan and groan about the work I have to do, how stressed I am, etc pretty frequently. The other day he told me "You know our friend who studies (some scientific research topic) at University of Michigan? Yeah, I thought YOU worked hard. You should hear what HE has to do!" We had a long discussion about his choice of words :) haha

Another funny one!

I had a friend who got in a fender bender, and she tends to be VERY overdramatic. She told me she needed to go to the ER because she thought she punctured her lung. I asked her how she was feeling... having any trouble breathing? She said "umm, nope! I can breathe fine!" Ohhhhhkay then.

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

My fiance is an engineer so totally opposite of nursing. It sounds so funny to hear him say something really stupid because he is so smart...i just have to laugh! :)

Anyway, once my fiance and i are driving back and its like 2am...we are driving out in the middle of nowhere so its really dark in the car, dead silent. I reach over to grab his hand, but i missed and accidentally grabbed his forearm. First thing i said was "OoOo you have a great antecubital" there was this pause and i hear "Wow Jen." :D totally random.

Ah, the days when i was in nursing school though. I lived in an apartment with one of my close girlfriends. my boyfriend (Who is now my fiance) would come over and let me "practice" my assessment skills on him. I will never forget the look on my roommates face when i had him lying on the couch and i'm palpating his liver!

Roommate: "Im not even going to ask what is going on"

Me: "I'm palpating his liver. Stay here because your next"

Roommate: "you want to do what to my liver?"

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My ex husband came to me one day complaining that he was having a sharp pain in his lower right abdomen. And no lie, I PROMISE he asked me this: He says, "Honey, this is really hurting bad. Do you think I could have a ruptured cyst on my ovary like my mom had that time?" OMG I could hardly contain myself. HAHA.........needless to say, the very next day he had an appendectomy.

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My 3 year old calls my stethescope my "telescope" because "momma looks in peoples hearts" :heartbeat

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My significant other's family has a couple of doctors in it. Not the MD or DO type... these all graduated from Medical School of Google/Greys Anatomy/House/Scrubs/WebMD/Wikipedia/Daytime TV.

I can hardly carry on a conversation with them.

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My little sister was born with multiple murmurs, My mom said she was so happy after the echo because her VSD moved and is now a ASD....Im like um mom, im not a cardiologist, but I dont think the holes would migrate:D

And cutest thing I have ever heard...When my sister was 4 or 5 and getting her yearly echo, the doc told her he was looking at her heart and she replys "Can you see Jesus in there?"

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Specializes in ICU.

My husband and I are actually both nurses. I am an ICU nurse and he is a psych nurse. I have only done ICU since graduation and he has only done psych since graduation. One day, we were comparing jobs as nurses, of course we are both trying to out do one another. As I was winning the argument (of course) he says

"Hey, really I am the smarter of the two of us. Who wouldn't want a $30 an hour babysitting job"?

Another day I asked my 7 year old if she was going to be a nurse like mom. She says "nope, I don't wanna wipe poop all day" *cause that's ALL I do* :)

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And cutest thing I have ever heard...When my sister was 4 or 5 and getting her yearly echo, the doc told her he was looking at her heart and she replys "Can you see Jesus in there?"

When I worked in adult foster care, one of my residents would occasionally say, "Know what's there? Jesus!" when someone listened to her heart. She was in her 50s and, according to family, first said that when she was about 7.

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When I worked in adult foster care, one of my residents would occasionally say, "Know what's there? Jesus!" when someone listened to her heart. She was in her 50s and, according to family, first said that when she was about 7.

Awe how sweet:)

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

I was watching a co-workers 2 young girls one day for a couple hours. They have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Since their mom is a nurse to, they like to play "nurse." I was the patient who had to come in for her shots. The 4 year old told me that i havent had any shots yet and its time to get them all today. She opens up her little medical kit she got from the hospital. (Our hospital has children days where they get to come and play with some medical equipment such as syringes, blood pressure cuffs, stethoscopes, etc. )

So she takes out her "nurses kit" and pulls out a syringe. She draws up some water like she is drawing up a real injection and i got 13 shots from the 4 year old and 9 shots from the 2 year old. YIKES!!!!

I also had to get my vision checked, it was hilarious because they would have me read the chart like your supposed to but they covered both my eyes. When i got the letters wrong she the 4 year old looked at me dead serious "I think you might need glasses"

Too cute :D

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Specializes in med/surg, AIDS, trauma.

make your own just buy green peanuts-ones that haven't been cooked or roasted put in large pot with h2o to cover them add lots of salt. when you think you've added enough salt add some more! bring to a boil and then let simmer for hours, at least 6, more if you can. add more h2o and salt prn (always have enough water to cover shells while cooking) a general rule held by southerners is the dirtier the h2o looks the better the peanuts will be!! ENJOY!

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