Stupid things that nurses say

Nurses Humor

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I'm going to pick on myself for a moment. I have to admit that sometimes I blurt things out without truly thinking about it. Today I said something ( without thinking) to a patient that was purely stupid.

Long story short: My patient had to drink a medication that did not taste so good. She had to drink a whole cup and the only thing I could do to make it bearable was to add a little ice.

Patient: "This taste horrible"

Me: "Just imagine it is a magarita on the rocks";)

Patients' husband: " That is not a good idea, since we are both recovering alcoholics"

Me: " Oh you are right...bad idea, never mind.:o( then I proceed to use more therapeutic interventions)

Needless to say I learned my lesson, never assume anything.:nono:

I now except my award for blurting out the most stupid thing ever!

:thankya:

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
One day I heard a newer nurse happily chatting away in a room in the ICU and I heard her say....

"Oh..... I just kill everything I touch". :eek:

:lol2: That reminds me of the time one of our family practice docs told a group of us "I'm not too good with living things."

Apparently she was referring to a houseplant, but still ---- the hilarity of that statement completely escaped her!

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Specializes in Oncology.

Doing a treatment on a quadriplegic- I hope I'm not hurting you, if you feel anything let me know.

.... He just goes, nah all I ever feel is pressure. He was so nice about it. I felt like a A) idiot and B) jerk but he knew I meant well.

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Specializes in LTC/Skilled Care/Rehab.
Doing a treatment on a quadriplegic- I hope I'm not hurting you, if you feel anything let me know.

.... He just goes, nah all I ever feel is pressure. He was so nice about it. I felt like a A) idiot and B) jerk but he knew I meant well.

I had a paraplegic patient and I was fixing the blanket on her legs. After I had straightened out the blanket, I ask her "so, how does that feel?" Luckily she was pretty understanding.

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Was using a washcloth to clean tough dried blood off a patient's member after his suprapubic was surgically placed. Without thinking, I actually heard myself say: "I think we're making some headway here....."

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Specializes in Orthopaedic Nursing; Geriatrics.

When I was a fairly new LPN I was assigned to give a man a SSE one evening. I went in and explained to him what I waspreparing to do and he asked " What am I supposed to do when I have to let it out?" He was only about 3 feet from the bathroom for goodness sake! So I said, well, luckily you are close to the bathroom so you can just get up and go! He smiled and told me to look in the closet. ????? Yes - TWO artificial legs were staring me in the face!! I couldn't even talk. I walked out to the nurses station to ask why they had not told me the man was a bilateral amputee. "Oh, him? We all know him so well we just forgot to tell you!" :banghead:

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Hi all! Thanks for sharing all the good laugh. I would like to share mine. When I was just a student doing my clinical I had a male patient. He was in his 60s and came in with edema on his left arm. He told me they hadn't found any significant medical problem on that arm and was due to have another test. He said he was exhausted through this ordeal. After he said this I immediately said well I hope they found something after this exam. The poor patient quickly replied "oh no, no, no. I don't them to find anything." I had a oop moment then I just excused myself away from the room. It was something I shouldn't have said.

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When I worked as an aide at the hospital, I had a 20 something male pt who the doctor wanted very strict I+O and wanted a Foley.

Understandably, he was leery of having a Foley inserted, so the doc ordered a condom catheter. Our floor stock was just not working... Frankly, he was too small for them to stay on.

This guy was very rude and demanding. Yelling at me, the nurse. Badmouthing me in front of his visitors. When I came in with a different catheter to try, he berated me for taking too long. I replied (right in front of his friends) "I'm sorry. I had to go to the pediatric unit to find one that will fit you."

OMG.....

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Specializes in Med Surg, Specialty.

I was explaining to a patient why women were so much more susceptible to getting UTIs. So I told my attentive male patient that with women the urethra is almost 2 cm long opposed to 8 inches in men. He replied "Yeah if they're lucky!"

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.
when i worked as an aide at the hospital, i had a 20 something male pt who the doctor wanted very strict i+o and wanted a foley.

understandably, he was leery of having a foley inserted, so the doc ordered a condom catheter. our floor stock was just not working... frankly, he was too small for them to stay on.

this guy was very rude and demanding. yelling at me, the nurse. badmouthing me in front of his visitors. when i came in with a different catheter to try, he berated me for taking too long. i replied (right in front of his friends) "i'm sorry. i had to go to the pediatric unit to find one that will fit you."

i just spit my entire coffee all over my ipad it came out even through my nostrils.... lmao........okay... i'm alright.....lol...oh! goodness....

laugh.gif

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When I worked as an aide at the hospital, I had a 20 something male pt who the doctor wanted very strict I+O and wanted a Foley.

Understandably, he was leery of having a Foley inserted, so the doc ordered a condom catheter. Our floor stock was just not working... Frankly, he was too small for them to stay on.

This guy was very rude and demanding. Yelling at me, the nurse. Badmouthing me in front of his visitors. When I came in with a different catheter to try, he berated me for taking too long. I replied (right in front of his friends) "I'm sorry. I had to go to the pediatric unit to find one that will fit you."

CHA-CHING!!!!! Thanks for the laugh of the night!!! :yeah:

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"I told 2 squabbling 80 + yr olds to "GO to your room, if you can't get along". (I work LTC.) Then I remembered, not only was that probably NOT appropriate for me to say, but they are in the SAME room!! LOL"

OMG did this one night last week!! Next thing I know, pillows and blankets are flying into the hallway! Had to stand between the two beds until both had changed into night clothes and were all tucked in... then told them each to stay on their own sides of the room and GO TO SLEEP! I swear, some nights it's like Romper Room on crack!

Love it!!

Interesting to read that you can have shared rooms in LTC. These a very much frowned upon in the UK.

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One day I heard a newer nurse happily chatting away in a room in the ICU and I heard her say....

"Oh..... I just kill everything I touch". :eek:

:lol2: That reminds me of the time one of our family practice docs told a group of us "I'm not too good with living things."

Apparently she was referring to a houseplant, but still ---- the hilarity of that statement completely escaped her!

I've done that too. Talking with a patient's mom about houseplants. My mom can grow anything. My neighbor could go grow anything. And I can kill anything!! (Always a reassuring thing to hear from your child's nurse!)

So here I am, on the other side of the OR bed helping the anesthesia care provider transfer my pt to the OR bed from the stretcher. My pt was quite sedated from the 2mg of Versed that was given in pre-op and seemed to be confused as to how to scoot himself over to the OR bed. So I patted the OR bed and said, "Bend up your knees and scoot your (another word for a donkey) on over here toward me." Umm....that kinda slipped out!

You developed a rapport with your patient, what more could a manager want? :)

Long ago when I was a CNA, the nurse had gathered up reinforcements because we had to get a cath UA on one of our more ornery old ladies. And she was a big woman too, not so much obese as just big frame, strong lady. This woman had a mouth on her, saltiest language that to this day I have ever heard from a woman, and few men have matched her either. So we're about to start, and everyone is ready for a fight. Lady starts asking, "What are y'all trying to do?" So I take a chance and just say, "Show us your [the word that sometimes comes before "cat"]!" She says, "Oh, y'all want to see my *****? Well here!" and she spreads her legs and we're done in about 2 minutes without any trauma. The nurse says to me, "I can't believe you said that!" And all I could say was, "Well it worked!"

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