I'm surprised there has been no mention of the Stanford rape trial and sentence on all nurses. I'm opening up the discussion as I feel it pertains to us in many ways. One as people who may have been victims or know others who have been victims of sexual violence and two as nurses that have taken care of others in this situation, whether directly in ER or a patient suffering from PTSD with other health problems as well.
I applaud the survivor's bravery and her impact statement that has gone public. I hope this will comfort other survivors, but even more I hope this will discourage rape in general. Campus rapes are common and rapes at frats are in the news frequently. Once again a college athlete got off with just a slap on the wrist, although I don't think he counted on all the negative publicity this case has garnered.
What disturbs me the most is the letters of the parents to the judge. The father's don't punish him for 20 minutes of action. Then the mother's letter, who by the way is a nurse for gynecological surgeries and in the past as a pediatric nurse, who had not one iota of empathy for the victim. Her letter simply astonished me. I can't believe as a woman, as a nurse, as a mother of a daughter she had no empathy for the victim! This troubles me the most! I imagine in her years as a nurse she must have taken care of a rape victim and her total lack of empathy for the victim disturbs me greatly!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I agree with you. I just wish this world was a better place where rape didn't happen period! I just hope the victim's impact letter opened his eyes to all the pain his actions of "20 minutes" have caused.
What troubles me is he did not show any real regret and instead was focused on his losses, as if he was the victim. His family and friends who wrote letters to the judge did the same. One letter tried to minimize what he did as drunk college kids getting carried away vs a "real" rape like a kidnapping and rape. Rape is rape!
In my years I know of too many woman who have been victims of rape. I helped a fellow college student who had been gang raped and then dropped off at the dorm go to the ER to be treated. She had been acting in a play with these men who she thought of as friends and they turned around and raped her and then dumped her off at the dorm like she was nothing! As a nurse I heard of many others struggling from pasts of sexual abuse and rape as both children and adults. This is such a prevalent problem and many times it goes unreported.
I'm just so tired of hearing of these rapes by college athletes who seem to think the world owes them whatever they want and they can just take it without consequence! It galled me all the coverage about what he lost; his coveted chance to go to the olympics, his scholarship at Stanford, his chance to be an orthopedic surgeon. The mom even cried about not being able to enjoy decorating her new house because of this, someone suggested paint it jail house orange. lol They even had the gall to set up a go fund me type account to help pay the lawyers fees. I heard the dad was planning to appeal the verdict when it was clear his son lied about consensual sex! I'm glad the jury saw through his lies. It sickens me what jury trials put the victim through. She expected him to take a plea deal and admit his guilt and here he gets a lesser sentence after being convicted of three felonies!
I suspect that part of the reason the rapist has no remorse or empathy for his victim has a lot to do with the fact that neither of his parents seems to have any empathy for the victim or any concept of RAPE. They raised him. No, you're not always to blame for the way your children turn out, but this just seems so glaringly obvious! If the parents have no concept of right and wrong and no empathy for others, it would be surprising if their child DID.
I tell my D all the things which have been mentioned: Don't drink to excess, don't set a drink down and walk off, when you go out with your girlfriends, watch each other's backs, don't drive after drinking, don't walk alone at night, take your pepper spray, set your alarm at night, don't leave a club or restaurant with a stranger, and on and on. Those are things which one does to keep yourself from being vulnerable to predators.
I do not, and see no reason to tell my adult daughter, "Don't have sex with your boyfriend of five years, or you might end up raped."
As for YOU, can YOU expand on the point in that post on why women need to abstain from premarital sex in order to protect themselves from rape? The poster did not limit his comments to "don't hook up with strangers for sex," he attributed rapes to women having premarital sex. Period. That's BS. And even if a woman does want to hook up with a stranger on a given night, that is by definition NOT RAPE, it is consensual sex. The poser insinuates that having premarital sex=promiscuity=asking for (or deserving of?) rape. Uh, no.
I would come up with many things which have NOTHING to do with whether or not a woman has sex before marriage.
I agree with heron that we have a cultural problem with hypersexualization of girls and women. I would say that hypersexualization/objectification of women provides a good cultural hiding place for rapists, but not that it necessarily causes rape.
There are those who believe it's ok to pursue sexual encounters for the sake of their own pleasure instead of mutual pleasure. That is one result of objectification of women. That's gross, but it's not rape.
When someone crosses the line from not caring about their partner's pleasure to not caring about their partner's consent, the nature of the behavior is drastically different. That's rape. Rape is about power and control, not sexual pleasure. It is sexualized violence, not violent sex. "If I hit you with a shovel, you wouldn't call it gardening."
Modesty doesn't stop objectification OR rape, it just puts the burden for change on women's bodies instead of men's minds. Men who see women as objects will not be dissuaded by baggy clothes, lower hems, and higher necklines.
Modesty doesn't stop objectification OR rape, it just puts the burden for change on women's bodies instead of men's minds. Men who see women as objects will not be dissuaded by baggy clothes, lower hems, and higher necklines.
Nor will a rapist be dissuaded by the fact that a woman is saving herself for marriage. As if that is written on a woman's forehead or something.
Nor will a rapist be dissuaded by the fact that a woman is saving herself for marriage. As if that is written on a woman's forehead or something.
On a related note, the obsession with purity can be very damaging to a victim of sexual violence. They claim that you lose a piece of yourself when you make love to another person, but don't address that you can lose most of yourself when you had no choice in the matter. The modesty/purity message of "It is your responsibility to help boys not see you in a sexual way" is severely harmful when it's delivered to little girls. They present it in the context of peer behavior, but the reality is that not all sexual predators go for adult women. *waves personal experience flag*
I tell my D all the things which have been mentioned: Don't drink to excess, don't set a drink down and walk off, when you go out with your girlfriends, watch each other's backs, don't drive after drinking, don't walk alone at night, take your pepper spray, set your alarm at night, don't leave a club or restaurant with a stranger, and on and on. Those are things which one does to keep yourself from being vulnerable to predators.
I do not, and see no reason to tell my adult daughter, "Don't have sex with your boyfriend of five years, or you might end up raped."
As for YOU, can YOU expand on the point in that post on why women need to abstain from premarital sex in order to protect themselves from rape? The poster did not limit his comments to "don't hook up with strangers for sex," he attributed rapes to women having premarital sex. Period. That's BS. And even if a woman does want to hook up with a stranger on a given night, that is by definition NOT RAPE, it is consensual sex. The poser insinuates that having premarital sex=promiscuity=asking for (or deserving of?) rape. Uh, no.
Did I say I agreed with that? Did you even read my posts? I think I stated quite clearly what part of kooky' post was consistent with my own analysis and I'll be happy to expand on that, if you like.
BUT, I will NOT buy into attacking another woman for having opinions that differ from my own. We are conditioned to do that, too, by the same culture that promotes rape - it turns us into tools to keep each other quiet. Nope, not going there. That's ritual defamation and it's wrong.
ETA: I just reread korky's post just to see if I missed something and my opinion hasn't changed. I agree that casual or premarital sex have nothing to do with rape, because rape is not sex. It is the sexual expression of dominance. It's no accident that rape has been a large part of every military campaign in recorded history, including US history.
Kooky is mostly mistaken about the nature and causes of rape - that doesn't make everything she says BS. And I still think she made a good point about popular culture.
BUT, I will NOT buy into flogging another woman for having opinions that differ from my own. We are conditioned to do that, too, by the same culture that promotes rape - it turns us into tools to keep each other quiet.
Me, I'm an equal opportunity flogger. I will challenge any person, male or female, who I perceive contributes to making excuses for rapists and/or shifting the blame towards the victim. I honestly don't even know what sex half of the posters here are and I don't put much thought into it, I just respond to the ideas and opinions they present.
BUT, I will NOT buy into flogging another woman for having opinions that differ from my own. We are conditioned to do that, too, by the same culture that promotes rape - it turns us into tools to keep each other quiet. Nope, not going there.
No one is getting "flogged." I WILL challenge someone whose opinions differ from my own. And that person DESERVED to be challenged for that post. There seems to be a movement lately that all opinions deserve equal respect, that equal time should be given to every argument. I disagree. There is no reason why this person's statement that people need to "stop with the premarital sex" in order to decrease the rape rate shouldn't be vigorously challenged.
Based on the first hand knowledge shared with me by a corrections officer, this boy faces probable physical and sexual assault by other inmates who do not take kindly to....
No, nothing will happen to him because he has been given private protected cell.
On a related note, the obsession with purity can be very damaging to a victim of sexual violence.
That obsession with purity (of women) is the entire foundation that the mistreatment of females is based on and it is used as justification of the cruel treatment of girls and women that I described in one of my previous posts.
It literally makes me seethe with anger.
They present it in the context of peer behavior, but the reality is that not all sexual predators go for adult women. *waves personal experience flag*
That obsession with purity (of women) is the entire foundation that the mistreatment of females is based on and it is used as justification of the cruel treatment of girls and women that I described in one of my previous posts.
It literally makes me seethe with anger.
Yes, the whole purity obsession centers largely on women, while men's lack of "purity" is largely ignored, excused as "natural," or even lauded. Rarely do you hear of a woman getting kudos for having numerous sexual partners. Can you imagine someone telling an attractive, muscular college man to wear more baggy clothes because, you know, "too provocative, so, you know, rape."
heron, ASN, RN
4,653 Posts
For instance?