I'm surprised there has been no mention of the Stanford rape trial and sentence on all nurses. I'm opening up the discussion as I feel it pertains to us in many ways. One as people who may have been victims or know others who have been victims of sexual violence and two as nurses that have taken care of others in this situation, whether directly in ER or a patient suffering from PTSD with other health problems as well.
I applaud the survivor's bravery and her impact statement that has gone public. I hope this will comfort other survivors, but even more I hope this will discourage rape in general. Campus rapes are common and rapes at frats are in the news frequently. Once again a college athlete got off with just a slap on the wrist, although I don't think he counted on all the negative publicity this case has garnered.
What disturbs me the most is the letters of the parents to the judge. The father's don't punish him for 20 minutes of action. Then the mother's letter, who by the way is a nurse for gynecological surgeries and in the past as a pediatric nurse, who had not one iota of empathy for the victim. Her letter simply astonished me. I can't believe as a woman, as a nurse, as a mother of a daughter she had no empathy for the victim! This troubles me the most! I imagine in her years as a nurse she must have taken care of a rape victim and her total lack of empathy for the victim disturbs me greatly!
I always, ALWAYS discount whatever parents have to say in these situations. Murderers who have killed people in front of multiple witnesses have family members who continue to deny their guilt or try to rationalize it. Denial in these kinds of cases it remarkably strong.
While I get that they will try really hard to see the best in their kid and beg for leniency, the amount of victim blaming has been despicable. The fact that the victim may have been imprudent in her alcohol consumption should not mitigate his sentence ONE IOTA.
I agree with this explanation of the parents action. You can't expect them to be rational.
What bothers me is the leniency granted by the judge when the rapist lied and denied and does not seem to have an ounce of repentance. That should push them towards a more severe penalty!
We are a society that holds people to an moral ideal. We also have a concept of extenuating circumstances. Extenuating circumstances are by definition, circumstances BEYOND your control! Being drunk makes you do dumb things, but we do NOT consider that extenuating unless someone held you down and poured the vodka down your throat! A drunk driver is not given a pass for vehicular homicide! They are given a DUI in addition to their vehicular homicide charge! A drunk rapist is a rapist who also needs a public intox charge added below their charge of RAPE.
Now, we can also be rational people and realize that it is unwise to drink if you cannot control yourself and you start acting like the lowest of criminals.
We can also say it is wise to never become blackout drunk outside of your own home. Doing so excuses no crime against a blackout drunk person; the victim is not at fault. But it is simply a fact that becoming blackout drunk, especially in public, is unwise. That isn't blaming the victim because the victim isn't to blame. It is, however, a rational observation.
Specializes in med-surg, IMC, school nursing, NICU.
This is simply infuriating. Every time I try to calm down about this, I can't.
WHY are people acting like this person is deserving of mercy? Did he show the victim mercy? Do you think he stopped before he violated an unconscious woman and thought "I wonder if this is going to cause her to become 'deeply depressed and full of despair.' I wonder if she is going to become a 'shell of her former self' after I penetrate her against her will."
My guess would be no. I think his only concern was his own despicable desire to assault a woman too drunk to say yes. Or no, for that matter. So why are his parents (and others) insisting he be shown the mercy he so violently denied the victim? Why should he be treated "fairly" for committing a crime so deeply unfair?
I am not a mother. I can't imagine the anguish a parent must feel with their child guilty of such a heinous act. Knowing your son has done something so terrible and knowing the (far too lenient) punishment he is faced with must be horrible for a parent. But that does NOT give this mother an excuse to belittle the suffering of the victim and ask for mercy that is not deserved. Spending time with an old lady, being a good swimmer, poorly portraying a bad guy in a play--- these are not enough "good deeds" to cancel out what he did to that girl. There are plenty of men who do nice things for people WITHOUT committing rape. That's not a call for leniency; that's called being a decent human being. Which this rapist most certainly is not. And he isn't worthy of being treated as such.
From Glen Ridge, NJ to Duke lacrosse and now Stanford, the idea of blaming the victim and excessive leniency for "promising" rapists is terrifying, offensive and dangerous. It scares me and it makes me scared for every woman I know and women I don't know. I fear for my future children. I fear for my students as I watch them move out into the world, knowing the culture surrounding rape and sexual assault in this country.
Enough horrible things happen in this world that we as a society have no control over. We can't stop an extremist from murdering people in a night club. We can't stop the development of deadly diseases and we can't stop the atrocities of war. What we CAN do is stop teaching our society that rape is okay. We can stop sending the message that athletic ability, prior community service and being a "loving son" is enough to negate violating a vulnerable woman. We can stop scaring girls and women away from drinking at a party, going out with friends and walking to their cars alone because of the risks they are "bringing upon themselves" and the subsequent blame they will face if something happens to them. The time to address this is now. It's been going on far too long.
It's been one of those weeks, kids. I'm weary of the world and all the awful things in it. My heart hurts.
That is probably the worst example you can bring up... or did you not get the memo that Crystal Mangum falsely accused 3 innocent people and victimized not just them, but indirectly victimized everyone who has suffered sexual assault. While the DA in the case was disbarred and convicted of criminal contempt of court for lying and withholding exculpatory evidence, Crystal was not prosecuted for perjury. However, she is currently serving 14-18 years for 2nd degree murder.
Specializes in med-surg, IMC, school nursing, NICU.
That is probably the worst example you can bring up... or did you not get the memo that the Ms. Mangum falsely accused 3 innocent people and victimized not just them, but by indirectly victimized everyone who has suffered sexual assault.
My point is that the athletic ability of the accused was cited far too many times during their trials. Regardless of guilt or innocence, how talented or promising someone is should not be considered when determining a verdict. I should have explained that in my post more clearly.
Hopefully someone will rape him in jail. And for the 6 months. I doubt he will even serve that amount. It is disgusting all around . I am sure he will do something like this again and it will be worse. Very sad.
The whole thing makes me wonder if this in fact has happened in his past? It is IN NO WAY an excuse IF that is the matter, but maybe part of the equation. The judge has erred grievously and one can only hope that there are repercussions for him.
The folks that sent letter of support did some serious backpedalling, didn't they? Damage control at its best.
Yay for US Swimming!!! THEY did the right thing.
My heart hurts for this young lady and her family. As a parent, a small piece of my heart hurts for the parents who HAVE to be questioning where they went wrong. I would be, But I would make him stand on his own, protecting him and trying to mitigate his sentence would not be happening, as difficult as that may be.
No, her behavior should not mitigate his sentence, but, old-fashioned, I do think girls and women should try to be more circumspect.
The world is full of men who have no respect for women, who do not feel protective toward women.
Women need to be made aware of this fact and behave accordingly. More modest dress, less alcohol, stop going to places where general wildness is encouraged. Stay in a group, don't go off alone with a male, stop the pre-marital and extra-marital sex. Seriously old-fashioned here, I know.
I have not read the mother's letter, but the father's letter really galled me. I want the rapist punished. I am upset with myself for feeling vindictive toward him, knowing that I also fall short of perfection and am a fallible human being. But I also want him rehabilitated.
The judge in this case has totally missed the mark and has shown serious disregard for the rape victim.
Are you serious? This is your solution? Tell women and girls to cover up and wait until marriage to have sex? How can you be that obtuse?
Rape is not about sex, and women's clothes do not create the urge to rape. Men are not animals. The idea that women are being sexual by simply existing and having bodies is a cultural one, not a biological one. Normal adults often desire sexual intimacy. Normal adults do not desire sexual intimacy with someone who is not freely and enthusiastically participating.
Premarital sex does not cause rape, and rape still happens within marriage.
Of course getting really drunk with strangers is a bad idea. It's not a bad thing to teach women how not to make themselves more vulnerable to rape, but preventive techniques are minimally effective at stopping rape because they just shift the dynamic of who is most vulnerable. They don't stop rape, they just change who gets raped. Maybe the Stanford victim is more sensible with her drinking that night. But a junior goes to that party, too. Someone who had an 8-12 class followed by a 1-9 shift at work, and she goes to that party with the thought that she can finally unwind after a long week of full-time classes and two part-time jobs. She forgets that she hasn't had time to eat all day, forgets that she hasn't had enough to drink, and the alcohol slams her twice as hard as it usually would. Stuff like that happens. Dudes who like to coerce intoxicated women will always be able to find the most vulnerable person at the party.
Only with rape will people claim a drunk perpetrator is not responsible for his own actions, but a drunk victim is responsible for her own AND someone else's.
Specializes in med-surg, IMC, school nursing, NICU.
Women need to be made aware of this fact and behave accordingly. More modest dress, less alcohol, stop going to places where general wildness is encouraged. Stay in a group, don't go off alone with a male, stop the pre-marital and extra-marital sex. Seriously old-fashioned here, I know.
Why don't we just stop letting women go to college? Problem solved. No campus rape if there aren't women on campus! Let's stop letting women have jobs, vote, drive and leave the house too. Then they would stop putting themselves in harm's way and allowing themselves to be assaulted. That seems to be what you are gunning towards here.
Men, however, can continue drinking and fornicating and doing all those things women are simply not equipped to handle. No responsibility there. This person raped an unconscious woman but it was her own fault for being such a drunken mess who dared try and go out and socialize with her sister.
I had a patient once who was battered by her husband. He threw her down a flight of stairs and she needed spinal surgery to relieve the persistent neck pain she felt as a result of the injuries she sustained. She probably talked back to him. Maybe dinner was late or she was talking to the mailman a little too comfortably. She sort of deserved it, right?
Wake up. Open your eyes. You are part of the problem.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
WHY are people acting like this person is deserving of mercy?
Because without mercy, we fail as a society. If we cannot rise above the knee-jerk reaction of "he hurt someone, so he should be hurt" then we are doomed as humans. We may as well just nuke the globe now and get it over with.
Specializes in med-surg, IMC, school nursing, NICU.
Because without mercy, we fail as a society. If we cannot rise above the knee-jerk reaction of "he hurt someone, so he should be hurt" then we are doomed as humans. We may as well just nuke the globe now and get it over with.
I never said he should be hurt. I said he should be punished. I would never advocate for violence against another human being but I do think that the violence he committed against a totally vulnerable person should not be swept under the rug. I think the punishment should fit the crime. He certainly did not show the victim any mercy, did he?
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I never said he should be hurt. I said he should be punished. I would never advocate for violence against another human being but I do think that the violence he committed against a totally vulnerable person should not be swept under the rug. I think the punishment should fit the crime. He certainly did not show the victim any mercy, did he?
Sorry, I may have been conflating your post with the one who wished he gets raped in prison.
I am appalled at the sentence he received. No, he did not show her any mercy. But we are better than he, are we not? If we show no mercy because the perpetrator did not, we bring ourselves down to the perpetrator's level.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Women need to be made aware of this fact and behave accordingly. More modest dress, less alcohol, stop going to places where general wildness is encouraged. Stay in a group, don't go off alone with a male, stop the pre-marital and extra-marital sex. Seriously old-fashioned here, I know.
This DISGUSTS me. More than anything I've read here all day. Attitudes like THIS is a HUGE part of the problem, and part of rape culture. I cannot even put into words how disgusted I am by what you wrote.
SummitRN, BSN, RN
2 Articles; 1,567 Posts
I agree with this explanation of the parents action. You can't expect them to be rational.
What bothers me is the leniency granted by the judge when the rapist lied and denied and does not seem to have an ounce of repentance. That should push them towards a more severe penalty!
We are a society that holds people to an moral ideal. We also have a concept of extenuating circumstances. Extenuating circumstances are by definition, circumstances BEYOND your control! Being drunk makes you do dumb things, but we do NOT consider that extenuating unless someone held you down and poured the vodka down your throat! A drunk driver is not given a pass for vehicular homicide! They are given a DUI in addition to their vehicular homicide charge! A drunk rapist is a rapist who also needs a public intox charge added below their charge of RAPE.
Now, we can also be rational people and realize that it is unwise to drink if you cannot control yourself and you start acting like the lowest of criminals.
We can also say it is wise to never become blackout drunk outside of your own home. Doing so excuses no crime against a blackout drunk person; the victim is not at fault. But it is simply a fact that becoming blackout drunk, especially in public, is unwise. That isn't blaming the victim because the victim isn't to blame. It is, however, a rational observation.