I'm surprised there has been no mention of the Stanford rape trial and sentence on all nurses. I'm opening up the discussion as I feel it pertains to us in many ways. One as people who may have been victims or know others who have been victims of sexual violence and two as nurses that have taken care of others in this situation, whether directly in ER or a patient suffering from PTSD with other health problems as well.
I applaud the survivor's bravery and her impact statement that has gone public. I hope this will comfort other survivors, but even more I hope this will discourage rape in general. Campus rapes are common and rapes at frats are in the news frequently. Once again a college athlete got off with just a slap on the wrist, although I don't think he counted on all the negative publicity this case has garnered.
What disturbs me the most is the letters of the parents to the judge. The father's don't punish him for 20 minutes of action. Then the mother's letter, who by the way is a nurse for gynecological surgeries and in the past as a pediatric nurse, who had not one iota of empathy for the victim. Her letter simply astonished me. I can't believe as a woman, as a nurse, as a mother of a daughter she had no empathy for the victim! This troubles me the most! I imagine in her years as a nurse she must have taken care of a rape victim and her total lack of empathy for the victim disturbs me greatly!
Specializes in Palliative, Onc, Med-Surg, Home Hospice.
Hopefully someone will rape him in jail. And for the 6 months. I doubt he will even serve that amount. It is disgusting all around . I am sure he will do something like this again and it will be worse. Very sad.
And as a rape survivor, I find this disgusting. I don't wish this on my rapist, no way would I wish it on anyone.
Hopefully someone will rape him in jail. And for the 6 months. I doubt he will even serve that amount. It is disgusting all around . I am sure he will do something like this again and it will be worse. Very sad.
I recently saw someone reply that the tally is now society: 0, rapist 1. If the rapist gets raped, that doesn't make it society: 1, rapist: 1. It makes the score society: 0, rapist: 2.
I don't give a fig if he gets assaulted in jail (meaning he is facing consequences of his bad action) but I care that another assault would take place and another perpetrator allowed to commit the assault.
I am not an assault victim, but I do have sons. No one is blaming the mother for her son raping. He alone did the raping. However, I do hold this mother accountable for her and her husband's blatant perpetuation of rape culture by making statements that it was "alcohol and promiscuity" that caused the rape, which is victim blaming. Yes, I get that mothers want to believe their children can do no wrong, but there comes a time when you have to be the better, stronger person, and have the moral fortitude to admit that your child DID do wrong, and they must now suffer the consequences. You can love your child no matter what they do, and should, but that does not mean you have to approve of what they do.
The difference here is that by victim blaming and refusal to call this what it is: rape, and instead calling it "20 minutes of action" and blaming "promiscuity," they are staunchly denying culpability on the part of their son, and are perpetuating the problem. That is a problem. A big one.
It was specifically stated in the OP that the mother was an OB/GYN nurse. As if that related to any of it. It doesn't. I think that as a mother and a rape victim, I can maybe have a couple valid points.
And I highly doubt they "approve". Like I said, their child told them one heck of a story. And they want to believe their child. They are in denial right now. You wanting to hold the parent's responsible. He is an adult. Hold him responsible. Hold the judge responsible who handed down this sentence.
I feel very strongly about rape. This poor girl was intoxicated and it most certainly wasn't her fault. But this thread was started to incorporate nursing into it somehow. Somehow, the mother being a nurse should be held responsible. Ummm, no. Hold the rapist responsible.
My knee jerk response was some form of reprieve for the parents who were instinctually defending their son. But a year of evidence and reflection later? Being crushed and having your heart torn into a thousand pieces, horrid mortification that your son was capable of shoving debris into an unconscious anyone? That's understandable. Defending him is not. Victim dismissing is not.
6 mos is too short. But right now, all 3 are some of the most despised people on the planet. That's a helluva something.
And the victim is one of the most loved. I hope all of the out pouring of love heals her and that she only bears enough of a memory to spread strength.
It was specifically stated in the OP that the mother was an OB/GYN nurse. As if that related to any of it. It doesn't. I think that as a mother and a rape victim, I can maybe have a couple valid points.
*shrug* You're certainly entitled to your opinion.
Rape is not an accident. Rapists are not confused about consent. Relatively few men are rapists but many, many people allow rape to go unnoticed because sexual predators are often sophisticated in who they choose as victims and under what circumstances.
Rape prevention tends to be focused on telling women not to get raped. That doesn't stop rapists; that means someone more vulnerable gets raped. Telling rapists that rape is bad doesn't work, so we also need to educate people on the reality of consent, and when consent is not possible, warning signs that someone is being preyed on, and that it's ok to do something about it.
There were people at that party who saw "that guy" (because this is probably not his first - if it was, it won't be his last) leading away the girl who was so drunk she could hardly walk, hardly talk. They did nothing to stop it. That is rape culture. That is the social license to operate.
Claiming "they were both drunk" and this is about alcohol and "promiscuity" is rape culture. It is social license to operate. What kind of disgusting human being wants to engage in sexual behavior where both participants aren't actively enjoying themselves? Not a confused person. A rapist.
From a nursing perspective, I think of the handful of times I've had a patient on the unit that said "No male caregivers." Most of the time that gets respected, but some people have a nasty attitude, as though they think that's an accusation of impropriety against the male nurses or techs. It's not. It's a person who's been traumatized who doesn't want to relive that trauma, or doesn't want to have to figure out if a man is being appropriate with them. Patients have that right (including men who only want to be cared for by men, or whatever the need is) and we as healthcare professionals need to respect that without mockery.
*shrug* You're certainly entitled to your opinion.
Wait, aren't you doing to me in this thread what you are accusing me of? I offered my opinion as I saw it from both sides. I understand the mom side, and I've definitely got the victim side. I would say I might have a slight bit of insight here.
No, I am not. I specifically stated that in my post if you will re-read it.
You're upset and this is a hot button issue for you, and probably triggering. So I'm going to disengage with you because you seem to be reading much more into what I'm saying than what is actually being said. I wish you well.
Based on the first hand knowledge shared with me by a corrections officer, this boy faces probable physical and sexual assault by other inmates who do not take kindly to rapists. I imagine he will spend a lot of time in seg just to keep him safe.
He will not be in the state penitentiary, but the county jail, where this will be far less likely to happen.
I have to walk away. Those of you focusing your anger at the parents and at the alcohol intoxication are missing the point. The man was convicted!! The judge knows he did it, but gave him a lenient sentence!!!
Of course his parents asked for leniency, that's what parents do.
Please, focus your anger at the right thing here. It's being lost here. The victim is being lost, the opportunity to make real change is being lost.
This is thread was started because apparently the mom is a nurse. We as a society get angry about things, but not the right things. What does getting angry at the parents accomplish? I swear, if we put half that energy into actual, real life change, maybe this wouldn't even have happened today.
No, I am not. I specifically stated that in my post if you will re-read it.
You're upset and this is a hot button issue for you, and probably triggering. So I'm going to disengage with you because you seem to be reading much more into what I'm saying than what is actually being said. I wish you well.
you said they were encouraging a rape culture. I don't believe that. I believe they are in severe denial about their son.
As a trauma survivor, I'm NOT surprised on how society reacts to rape, heck even DV; the onus is on the survivor to "prove" that they are the victim, and are powerless to do "anything".
I locally engage in speaking tours and have found young women innocently asking me in a roundabout way what I did to basically deserve being assaulted and almost murdered, as if I had any power to magically remove my attackers mental illness and make it alll better.
Think about it, cultural oppression is very real, and hard to unwash, especially rape culture; I'm not surprised that women think "it's all the woman's fault" until it happens to them or their daughters or a close female in their lives; no thinks of the gravity of violence and trauma until they are experiencing it and the insurmountable challenges one faces in society.
I never expected people to sympathize; heck I didn't even want them to; however, I was never mistaken that people would want to-I was always prepared that many would find a way to twist that I had a hand in my trauma; overwhelmingly, I see more support than backlash.
What is more important in these discussions it to garner support in changing laws and becoming a supporter in mandatory sentences in situations like violent crimes and rape instead of possession of crack cocaine-where judges complain that they can not change the sentencing in those cases-but I digress.
There is a change.org petition about the judge who made the decision about the sentencing; that's who needs to be on our radar; make it to the point where if even thought about being appointed for a federal judgeship or go further in a political career that he never gets far or if re-elected, because he doesn't even respect the survivors of crime who put their trust in the justice system to do the logical duty to uphold proper sentencing.
CelticGoddess, BSN, RN
896 Posts
And as a rape survivor, I find this disgusting. I don't wish this on my rapist, no way would I wish it on anyone.