I'm surprised there has been no mention of the Stanford rape trial and sentence on all nurses. I'm opening up the discussion as I feel it pertains to us in many ways. One as people who may have been victims or know others who have been victims of sexual violence and two as nurses that have taken care of others in this situation, whether directly in ER or a patient suffering from PTSD with other health problems as well.
I applaud the survivor's bravery and her impact statement that has gone public. I hope this will comfort other survivors, but even more I hope this will discourage rape in general. Campus rapes are common and rapes at frats are in the news frequently. Once again a college athlete got off with just a slap on the wrist, although I don't think he counted on all the negative publicity this case has garnered.
What disturbs me the most is the letters of the parents to the judge. The father's don't punish him for 20 minutes of action. Then the mother's letter, who by the way is a nurse for gynecological surgeries and in the past as a pediatric nurse, who had not one iota of empathy for the victim. Her letter simply astonished me. I can't believe as a woman, as a nurse, as a mother of a daughter she had no empathy for the victim! This troubles me the most! I imagine in her years as a nurse she must have taken care of a rape victim and her total lack of empathy for the victim disturbs me greatly!
Yes, double standard and old-fashioned, as stated in my first post. I still believe there'd have been no Stanford Rape if the young woman had not drunk excessively and gone off alone to a bedroom with this fellow. Did he drag her there? Lace her drink with something? Force drink down her throat? I have not read her account of what happened, so really don't know. I know the judge is catching some backlash for his ridiculously lenient sentence. And I am for my views that are out of step with modern life, as least, as it is portrayed in the media, TV, movies, which still doesn't mean it's a majority view of modern life. And what if it is? We each have to decide where to stand on any given matter. Sure, it's easier to go with the flow, on the surface, at least. But can you live with yourself privately, in your heart, where you know your real feelings?
Was it right for him to take advantage, to rape? No. Of course not.
For men, rape accusations are good things to avoid. I think parents need to teach their sons and classmates/fraternity brothers need to really look out for each other in this area. That is, a duty sober should be monitoring his peers and preventing these 'hookups", as the latest terminology goes. Why does the goal of parties have to be sex? Yeah, I know, hormones.
Better to put morality, ethics, not bringing shame to the family name or to a woman, God for me first.
OK, flame away.
Those who are younger here and did not grow up in such a double standard as we older folks did will have a hard time understanding this view.
Oh there would have been a rape. Just a different girl, different party.
And she didn't go off alone to a bedroom with him. She passed out and he drug her behind a dumpster and shoved greenery up her lady parts. Then he fingered her and was dry humping her. She was totally unconscious.
This is not a matter of regret sex. This is sexual assault. It doesn't matter how she was dressed, how drunk she was. She was literally unconscious.
Instead of telling women to act and dress to avoid being assaulted, we should be teaching everyone what consent looks like. That silence is *not* a yes. That a yes can turn into a no. That consent is not a girl passed out behind a dumpster.
For men, rape accusations are good things to avoid. I think parents need to teach their sons and classmates/fraternity brothers need to really look out for each other in this area.
Good men stop actual rape; they don't cover each other against accusations. Not the same thing.
Your ignorance knows no bounds.
Just... imagine an entire page of mostly asterisks. That's my response to you.
Good on the judge for setting a fit sentence. When he is released this September, he will be deterred from committing any more crime and will become a law abiding citizen because the judge made the appropriate sentence. Part of me thinks the sentence was a little on the heavy side with the 3 years of probation following, but the judge has spoken and justice has been served.
Yes, double standard and old-fashioned, as stated in my first post. I still believe there'd have been no Stanford Rape if the young woman had not drunk excessively and gone off alone to a bedroom with this fellow. Did he drag her there? Lace her drink with something? Force drink down her throat? I have not read her account of what happened, so really don't know. I know the judge is catching some backlash for his ridiculously lenient sentence. And I am for my views that are out of step with modern life, as least, as it is portrayed in the media, TV, movies, which still doesn't mean it's a majority view of modern life. And what if it is? We each have to decide where to stand on any given matter. Sure, it's easier to go with the flow, on the surface, at least. But can you live with yourself privately, in your heart, where you know your real feelings?
Was it right for him to take advantage, to rape? No. Of course not.
For men, rape accusations are good things to avoid. I think parents need to teach their sons and classmates/fraternity brothers need to really look out for each other in this area. That is, a duty sober should be monitoring his peers and preventing these 'hookups", as the latest terminology goes. Why does the goal of parties have to be sex? Yeah, I know, hormones.
Better to put morality, ethics, not bringing shame to the family name or to a woman, God for me first.
OK, flame away.
Those who are younger here and did not grow up in such a double standard as we older folks did will have a hard time understanding this view.
There would have been no Stanford rape if he hadn't committed rape. Its not up to the victim to not be attacked, its up to the offender to not attack.
I'm slightly appalled that you are commenting on this case when you don't even know what happened. There was no bedroom, he raped her unconscious body behind a dumpster.
You ignore the fact, that many people have brought up, rape happens in countries where women are covered from head to toe and not drinking or getting high. What is your excuse for the rapists in these places?
Good on the judge for setting a fit sentence. When he is released this September, he will be deterred from committing any more crime and will become a law abiding citizen because the judge made the appropriate sentence. Part of me thinks the sentence was a little on the heavy side with the 3 years of probation following, but the judge has spoken and justice has been served.
People, please don't take the bait.
Seriously NOADLS, what are you hoping to accomplish here? This subject matter isn't personal to me since I've never been raped so your post doesn't hurt me. However, I know that you're plenty intelligent enough to know that your contribution will upset some fellow posters. Why do it?
Good on the judge for setting a fit sentence. When he is released this September, he will be deterred from committing any more crime and will become a law abiding citizen because the judge made the appropriate sentence. Part of me thinks the sentence was a little on the heavy side with the 3 years of probation following, but the judge has spoken and justice has been served.
I'm 99% sure you're being facetious, but. just. no. This is a situation where humor and sarcasm are wildly inappropriate. Peace.
What would be wrong about women being modest? Circumspect? Sensible? Regulating their alcohol intake? Not getting rip roaring wasted with drugs or ETOH? Can people always have our cake and eat it, too?.
Man I guess those kids/grandma's & grandpa's/mentally handicapped/women wearing burqa are totally "Asking for it" right? Damn sexy false teeth, provocative onesies, titillating wheelchairs, and seductive wrist skin that shows under that head to toe sheet.
Oh wait... rape isn't about "sexual attraction" or "Unbearable urges" - it's about the rapists need for control and to dominate/destroy another human beings bodily autonomy.
Seriously NOADLS, what are you hoping to accomplish here? This subject matter isn't personal to me since I've never been raped so your post doesn't hurt me. However, I know that you're plenty intelligent enough to know that your contribution will upset some fellow posters. Why do it?
I do not have the emotional wherewithal to keep feeding trolls. I've had plenty to say on this thread because I'm passionate about everyone's right to choose who they have sexual contact with and when and how and under what circumstances. I'm passionate about defending victims of sexual assault. I write (and I understand I've posted similar concepts more than once, but so have the rape apologists) because I believe there are good people who want to know more and who want to make things better.
But I'm thoroughly drained, and I'm definitely taking a step back for my own wellbeing.
Better to put morality, ethics, not bringing shame to the family name or to a woman, God for me first.
OK, flame away.
Those who are younger here and did not grow up in such a double standard as we older folks did will have a hard time understanding this view.
Disagreeing with your standpoint does not in itself constitute flaming. I certainly disagree with you, but I'll try to be polite about it.
It's not that I don't understand double standards, I just vehemently reject their validity. I won't accept different rules being applied to XX and XY. By the way I'm not that young, and double standards are sadly far from a thing of the past.
"Not bringing shame to the family name".. That's the exact justification being used by those who throw acid onto young women's faces in many countries in the world. I've met several women from Pakistan and India who have been subjected to that barbaric punishment for "shaming" the family name. Now, I realize that you're not a proponent of that repugnant custom, but what I think that you fail to realize that it's made possible by the exact same line of thought that you're promoting here. Linking a girl's or woman's virtuous behavior to the honor of her family's name.
I still believe there'd have been no Stanford Rape if the young woman had not drunk excessively and gone off alone to a bedroom with this fellow.
The crime took place outdoors, beside a dumpster.
Why is it that you continue to focus solely on the female? Why not say that there wouldn't have been a rape if the man hadn't been a rapist?
Did he drag her there? Lace her drink with something? Force drink down her throat? I have not read her account of what happened, so really don't know.
Do you think that's what it takes for the ensuing act to qualify as sexual assault or rape? I'm not sure why you're asking these questions. There has not been anything reported in the media (and that's all the information we're privy to), that has suggested that any of those things happened. They don't need to! What happened was enough. Both in the eyes of the law and dare I say it, in the eyes of any moral person.
For men, rape accusations are good things to avoid. I think parents need to teach their sons and classmates/fraternity brothers need to really look out for each other in this area. That is, a duty sober should be monitoring his peers and preventing these 'hookups", as the latest terminology goes. Why does the goal of parties have to be sex? Yeah, I know, hormones.
I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly. Young men should have some sober person monitoring them at parties so that they can avoid rape accusations? Not to avoid raping, but avoiding being falsely (?) accused? Yes, it does happen that men are falsely accused of rape, but it's rare. It is much, much more common that the person reporting the crime to the police is actually a genuine crime victim. Far from all persons who've been sexually assaulted or raped ever make a police report. Many feel shame, fear of not being believed or can't cope with the idea of the very intrusive investigation and legal proceedings that will follow. A rape trial is often very hard for the victim.
In a previous post you wrote:
It is a lie that people, especially women because of biological facts of life, can have it all all the time, in every case.
What does that mean exactly? What exactly are the biological facts of life? What exactly is it that specifically women can't have all the time?
Without even fully understanding what it is that women can't have all the time (and I genuinely am confused), I'd still like to ask you the following question. Are you content with the status quo? Does it seem right to you that women be deprived of whatever freedom (?), a freedom that it seems is only granted to men? Or do you think that we should all work together to change this situation?
Oh there would have been a rape. Just a different girl, different party.
And she didn't go off alone to a bedroom with him. She passed out and he drug her behind a dumpster and shoved greenery up her lady parts. Then he fingered her and was dry humping her. She was totally unconscious.
This is not a matter of regret sex. This is sexual assault. It doesn't matter how she was dressed, how drunk she was. She was literally unconscious.
Instead of telling women to act and dress to avoid being assaulted, we should be teaching everyone what consent looks like. That silence is *not* a yes. That a yes can turn into a no. That consent is not a girl passed out behind a dumpster.
ItsThatJenGirl, CNA
1,978 Posts
Oh there would have been a rape. Just a different girl, different party.
And she didn't go off alone to a bedroom with him. She passed out and he drug her behind a dumpster and shoved greenery up her lady parts. Then he fingered her and was dry humping her. She was totally unconscious.
This is not a matter of regret sex. This is sexual assault. It doesn't matter how she was dressed, how drunk she was. She was literally unconscious.
Instead of telling women to act and dress to avoid being assaulted, we should be teaching everyone what consent looks like. That silence is *not* a yes. That a yes can turn into a no. That consent is not a girl passed out behind a dumpster.
Anything else contributes to victim blaming.