Question.We all know nursing makes decent money.Those with spouses who are not nurses who make much less money ,do you have increased discord in the marriage ?Spouse has no interest in pursuing education ( kinda dont blame him,we are in our 50 's) ,but makes 50 percent less than me. There is now a big financial strain with cost of living(taxes went up, utilities went wayyy up,gas,old car repairs,etc) I cant stand it anymore.
Am i being realistic to think that spouses should at least make equal money ? (And we both work full time)
You knew he lacked ambition when you married him. No?
No, he had almost completed a degree short of two classes, used to help with cleaning the house, had hobbies,worked part time jobs in addition many years ago.
I make more than my hubby and thats totally fine. We make ends meet and all of our money goes into household bills, regardless of what percentage each of us contribute. The dollar amount shouldn't matter. IF he works 60 hours and I work 40 I"m going to pick up the household slack because I love him and I want to help ease his work week.
If you can't make ends meet someone has to step up and do something but it could be argued that you should pick up OT because you make more/hr. and therefore the time contributed is more valuable.
Yes, im now thinking of it as my money. Im the one at the crappy job. Im the one who gets no breaks ,no lunch, runs short all the time now,worries about the liability that goes with that. He gets scheduled breaks,scheduled hours, a normal life, a cushy job, and gets to get away with not contributing 50 percent to the bills we both have ??
Unfortunately it becomes ironic that you think nurses make decent money then. Whether the money is decent or not is at least partially dependent upon whether the job associated with that money utterly sucks or not, at least in my opinion.
At least part of your anger does have to do with your feelings about theway your employer has valued your hard work.
If you mean to vent about or discuss a spouse/partner who refuses to help come up with possible solutions, we could talk about that.
Whether the money is decent or not is at least partially dependent upon whether the job associated with that money utterly sucks or not, at least in my opinion.
SO TRUE. I LOVE my job and to me, the money is great. If I made what I make doing something I detested It wouldn't be enough.
Glycerine 82,ASN,LPN, You know, there was a time ,maybe 5 years ago, that I didnt care about the difference in pay.But we were able to pay the bills, had some padding each week,and even took small vacations.we also used to get good tax returns and put that in savings. Thats all gone to car repairs and house repairs now.
It comes down to making more money and/or reducing expenses. You (and your husband) need to look closely at your monthly expenses. Are their things that you can cut out (going out to dinner, cable tv, cheaper cell phone plan)? If you are house poor (mortgage is more than 25% of your income), then you need to find a house that will cost you less per month. Following Dave Ramsey's plan has helps many people get out of your financial position.
Well, you could divorce him. Then all your money would be yours and all his money would be his. Kidding! He might be able to get alimony from you since you make twice as much, so then your money would become his. Lose lose situation there. You need to talk to him/look at your budget or go to a counselor where you'll still have to talk to him/look at your budget AND pay the counselor. Unless you have clergy that can help..
My husband stayed home and watched our 3 children after finishing up with the US Marines. Then he went to college. I am disabled now and he's been working 8 years now. He makes a good salary and with my SSDI we still struggle, but we live well.
What an appalling attitude! How have you remained married for 30 years?
If you have money worries then that needs to be addressed but there seems to be something deeper here. Has this suddenly come on or has it been building slowly? I have been married for over 40 years, I have always earned more than my wife but it is OUR money not mine or hers. She now earns more than me as I am retired. Still OUR money.
Over the years men have consistently earned more than women - so welcome to the 21st century and equality. Your fixation on this says more about you than about him.
See a marriage counsellor or similar and work through this or as Elaine M said above; Divorce him and pay alimony.
I get the feeling that the real problem here is that he is happy in his job and you are not in yours. That is not his fault and you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame instead of addressing your unhappiness.
I think weve been married that long because we never see each other due to us rarely being on the same shifts(hes days m-f, im a and b ,mostly b, shift 7 days a week interspersed. I cant have any other social life with my shifts.i think were each more tired respectively and crash after our shifts anyway. I know i cant walk after mine, and he doesnt want to hear it as hes in pain from his job too.
Counseling wont work. Its one sided (my side) as he thinks im making a big deal about this.we cant even talk about conflict, he gets angry and defensive.Clergy wont work as he is atheist.I pray for solutions though.
As far as the mine and yours thing,we have always had our money direct deposit into one bank account and the bills get paid out of that.There is no mine or yours. I just was wishing that he would put more money into the pool.
I have been given some tough food for thought. Thanks
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martymoose, BSN, RN
1,946 Posts
No, he had almost completed a degree short of two classes, used to help with cleaning the house, had hobbies,worked part time jobs in addition many years ago.
We married 30years ago this november