Spouse of Home Hospice Patient Makes Me Feel "Ookie".....

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Hey all. I'm a hospice nurse who visits patients in their homes in a rural area. I have a patient now who has a really bizarre spouse. First of all he answers all the questions I ask her and she kind of just sits there passively. Second of all, he's a religious zealot who gets all worked up about how everyone is going to he-- because they don't read the Bible etc. Then he spouts out gems like "Those kids in schools who kill other kids shouldn't kill the other kids. They should go after the teachers and principals instead because it's their fault." and "I should have punched out the doctor who saw my wife last week because he stuck his hand UNDER her bra to use his stethoscope, and no man has any business touching my wife like that." He gets all wild-eyed and raises his voice when he says these things. He has also said he's thought about using his gun against a principal of a school because his kids were picked on, and the principal wouldn't do anything about it, but he's afraid of he--, so he decided not to kill the guy. He takes extensive notes about presidential candidates and the only issue that concerns him is homosexuality and whether or not the candidates are 'immoral' because they support homosexuals. He seems pretty volatile, and I don't feel safe around him. He has specifically requested that no male nurse visit his wife, he only wants females in the house. Am I overreacting, or is the situation really unsafe? It's a rural area, and there are not a lot of police, etc. around. There is no possibility of buddying up with another nurse as we are severely under-staffed. Sorry this is so long! Any advice would be appreciated.

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Umm........it sounds like you could use fear for your own safety to get your hiney out of there. If at any time you feel this way about a home health pt, you have the right to refuse to go back.

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Anytime someone gives me a creepy feeling I pay attention to it, I have lived long to trust my judgement, trust yours. I only hope your supervisors pay attention when you bring your concerns to their attention. They have a tendency to blow stuff like this off and then the other shoe drops. Remember to always protect own health and safety.

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I'd say he's full of hot air but carrry some pepper spray in case he gets too excited. I'm in a rural area too and see plenty of those eccentric strango patients and families.

Just have to put up with those types, sometimes.

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Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.

Some ppl in your area of work over here have two staff members attend houses when one person feels threatened, as you justifiably do. Me...I don't think I could go back! His poor wife!

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I'd say he's full of hot air but carrry some pepper spray in case he gets too excited. I'm in a rural area too and see plenty of those eccentric strango patients and families.

Just have to put up with those types, sometimes.

Sorry, Mama, but I gotta disagree with you. To the OP: listen to your gut; it's talking to you for a reason. I wouldn't feel safe in that situation, either. There've been too many instances of people swearing up a blue creek that it's just "hot air," and then something tragic happens. But even if something "tragic" DOESN'T happen, if you don't feel safe, don't go, or do what someone else suggested and take another person with you. LISTEN to your instincts!

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Hey all. I'm a hospice nurse who visits patients in their homes in a rural area. I have a patient now who has a really bizarre spouse. First of all he answers all the questions I ask her and she kind of just sits there passively. Second of all, he's a religious zealot who gets all worked up about how everyone is going to he-- because they don't read the Bible etc. Then he spouts out gems like "Those kids in schools who kill other kids shouldn't kill the other kids. They should go after the teachers and principals instead because it's their fault." and "I should have punched out the doctor who saw my wife last week because he stuck his hand UNDER her bra to use his stethoscope, and no man has any business touching my wife like that." He gets all wild-eyed and raises his voice when he says these things. He has also said he's thought about using his gun against a principal of a school because his kids were picked on, and the principal wouldn't do anything about it, but he's afraid of he--, so he decided not to kill the guy. He takes extensive notes about presidential candidates and the only issue that concerns him is homosexuality and whether or not the candidates are 'immoral' because they support homosexuals. He seems pretty volatile, and I don't feel safe around him. He has specifically requested that no male nurse visit his wife, he only wants females in the house. Am I overreacting, or is the situation really unsafe? It's a rural area, and there are not a lot of police, etc. around. There is no possibility of buddying up with another nurse as we are severely under-staffed. Sorry this is so long! Any advice would be appreciated.

Listen to your gut..It tells you everyday when you are hungry..thirsty..need to use the restroom....has it been wrong? Um no.. If you're fight or flight response is on high alert on the flight response..you should do just that. I am from a small (town of 500) rural community. Those gun toten' religious fanatics are just what they present to be. People in the cities who haven't personally experienced them may not realize it is not an act. The man you describe...in his own words...has some personal issues....I would ABSOLUTELY refuse to go back until a supervisor went on their own and in writing stated it would not be a safety issue. That way you are covered, god forbid he go wonky one day. PLEASE listen to yourself, you already know the answer.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I not only wouldn't go back to that house, I would report this unsafe situation to Adult Protective Services (I'm assuming the couple in question are age 65 or over). That man isn't just a "gun-totin' religious fanatic", he is probably suffering from some dementia and desperately needs to be evaluated for mental illness. And his wife needs to be away from him until he can be stabilized.........it's not unheard-of for people who are as unstable as this man sounds to "rescue" their spouses from the "demons" plaguing them by killing them!

If the couple are under age 65, hopefully there are mental health services in the area that can help them. Either way, YOU shouldn't return to any home in which you feel so acutely uncomfortable..........your 'gut' is telling you this for a very good reason.

Best of luck, tencat, and please keep us posted.

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Specializes in midwifery, NICU.

OH OH Tencat.....protect yourself First and Foremost!! Dont go near this place...sounds way too freaky, you cant let yourself be in this situation. Dont Go There!!! Be safe babe!

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When your gut says run, run like |-|e||!!! You have every right to feel safe in your job and right now you don't. Refuse to go back. I'm not sure I understand how, as a previous poster suggested, that a supervisor's written statement of it being a "safe working condition" is going to help you when this off-balance person goes off on you with a gun or whatever means he chooses to lose the last threads of control. I grew up around folks like this, they aren't 'joking' or 'full of hot air'...they really mean what they say. I would think his confessions to you about wanting to kill the principal fall under duty to report, regardless that he states he chose not to to avoid going to hell. It is a specific threat as is the 'I should've hit the doctor' threat. What happens if he carries out one of these threats in spite of his fear of hell fire and damnation? Who knows, he may/probably has on his list something you have done that he wishes to 'right' and may very well carry out without warning. RUN FOREST, RUN!!!

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"volatile" sounds like an excellent word to describe this person. And honestly, even if he was totally charming, objectively the things he is saying sound very dangerous. ummm....he's only NOT killing a particular human being that he dislikes with HIS GUN because....then he'd go to he##?!?!?!?!?

Any self-doubt that you may be experiencing--wondering if you're overreacting, etc....I'd try to put it behind you. Don't try to normalize this guy--he sounds clinically psychologically ill. If it turns out he's actually a nice guy, and you leave anyway, well, no one can blame you.

It sounds very much like he might be abusive towards his wife. Is this the sense you have gotten? If so, perhaps another way you can advocate for his wife's care is to report the situation. I'm sorry you have encountered such an uncomfortable situation, and I wish you all the best!

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Those are warning signs that need to be heeded. Report this situation to your agency. Understandably the wife still needs care but your OWN safety comes first. Report those threats that you have heard concerning the Dr. and principal. These guy sounds angry who knows what he is capable of. Do not return to this rural unsafe setting. Follow your instincts.

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