Silly random nursing thoughts, one sentence, NO JUDGMENTAL FOLKS ALLOWED

Nurses Humor

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Rule is: One sentence. Random thought. Silly is great. Funny would rock. If you're going to be judgmental, GO TO ANOTHER THREAD! FUN ONLY HERE!

Fomite is my new favorite word because it sounds like a sandwich spread.

If I knew then.. what I know now.....

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Specializes in ..

If I have to interrupt your cell phone call to get a pain level number from you, I doubt that it is really a 10.

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Specializes in ..

If you are well enough to have sex at the hospital, you are well enough to be at home.

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Specializes in ..

To patient: "If you know enough about pain meds to give an in-service, you might have a problem."

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Specializes in Hospice, HIV/STD, Neuro ICU, ER.
To patient: "If you know enough about pain meds to give an in-service, you might have a problem."

There's your sign.

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The tubing for GT feeds has a huge label on it that says NOT FOR IV.

I wonder if someone out there has made that mistake and that's why that label is there.

*shuddering*

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Totally not nursing-related but related to labels and warnings.

On my way to work, I saw a Milky Way Chocolate tanker truck on the freeway. The tank had a huge sign on its back spout that says INEDIBLES ONLY.

I wonder if some Homer Simpson wannabe out there thought it was a good idea to put their mouth on the spout, open it and let a river of delicious chocolate come cascading out... but instead got some caustic yucky chemical involved in the manufacturing process.

If that did happen, I bet the ED nurses who dealt with it got a laugh.

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Specializes in cardiac, ICU, education.

"I don't care if you are the father; if you don't know the last name of the woman who gave birth to your child, than you can't see her after visiting hours are over."

I seriously had to tell a patient that one night after bar close - he wanted to look in the rooms to see if he could find her.

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Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.

If at first you don't succeed, . . . . . . . DO NOT SKYDIVE!!!!!

The Early Bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!!!!!

Don't Hate Bacteria, Its the only culture some people have.

Hukt en Foniks wurkt fer mee!!

I am not illiterate, I know who my parents are!!!!!

Why do Kamakazi Pilots where helmets?

Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Nurse walks by. . . Doc, "YOU HAVE A RECTAL THERMOMETER ON YOUR EAR!!!"

Nurse, "Damn, NOW I REMEMBER WHERE MY PEN IS!!!"

Patient, "It hurts when I do this (Moving arm up and down)."

Nurse, "DON'T DO THAT!"

Nurse, "You have to start eating right and exercising."

Patient, "I want a second opinion!"

Nurse, "Your ugly too."

Obama campaigning at Nsg home, "Maam, do you know who I am?!"

Resident, "No Sir, But if you go up to the desk, they can tell you."

New Psych Nurse sitting with High Risk residents outside on park bench when a bird flys by and poops on the two patients. "WAIT HERE," she said panicked, "I'll go get some toilet tissue!"

Resident One to Resident Two, "She is crazy, when she gets back that bird will be a mile away!"

Nursing Home Residents on Park Bench:

ONE: "I got the best hearing aid on the market, IT COST ME $4,000!!!!"

TWO: "What kind is it?"

ONE: "Its Twelve O'clock"

Two men were jumping from a plane, First: "They didn't put parachutes in our bags!!!"

Second: "I bet they haven't even got anyone to pick us up down there!"

Man on deathbed: "Honey I must talk to you!"

Wife: "Rest honey, it's okay."

Man: "No, . . .I was unfaithful to you before getting sick!"

Wife: "Oh, I know that Honey, . . . That's why I poisoned you."

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Specializes in NICU, Educ, IC, CM, EOC.

White out does not work on a computer screen. Even though it seems like a fine idea at 0400. Just sayin'

If you ever find old metal electrodes for clip on leads you can put them on your shoes and tap dance.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

It's not that I think you're stupid, but....when the doc tells you your BAC is almost at the level of alcohol poisoning, and you respond, "Good, I can go have a couple of more beers!" .... well, I don't think you're waiting for a job offer from NASA, okay?

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Specializes in Emergency/Level I Trauma, Critical Care.

That is brilliant! I can't wait to turn my dansko's into tap shoes tonight!

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