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Sick of the BS

Posted

Hello all,

I need to vent and see if this is happening other places as well..I am almost done nursing school and the start of the program went great, I thought my class would bond and be a group but going into semester 2, the tables turned. How? Well, I got a 4.0 last semester and some people thought that I was "bragging" about my grades although I offered several times to help them study. I answer questions from the instructors then they get accused of "just teaching to me"..it is now to the point where I speak to maybe 5 or 6 people in my class..and when I say speak I mean, "Good morning" and thats it. Myself and another girl literally sat in a row in class that used to be full now by ourselves. Now, because this girl is nice to me and we study together, the class is being mean to her! I have never seen grown adults act like this. It was so bad that I had to go to the director of the program and ask if I had done something wrong...I've gotten to the point where I don't even speak or converse with anyone but to a minimum because there have been so many rumors and just plain outright mean and nasty things said about me that just are not true. I have said something to every instructor and including the director but is this not bullying? I have to think that something else plays a part when I am the only Hispanic in my cohort..I feel like I am very intelligent and know my stuff when it comes to nursing but I DO NOT know it all and thats why I want to be an RN but how do I bridge this gap that seems like it was burnt long ago? I feel like I should not apologize to anyone since.I have done nothing but be intelligent and get As on tests...any advice would be great..

All of this drama should have been left in high school...

umbdude, MSN, NP

Specializes in Psych/Mental Health. Has 4 years experience.

I would just ignore it and keep moving forward. It's not worth your energy to think about them, as they mean nothing in the long run. You probably won't ever see them again after you're done with school.

I would have thought so too but no..we had a group project and one of the members of our group can't STAND me. He won't even look at me when I talk so obviously our project got the lowest grade in the class...I was so upset..it's all because no one talked to each other and assumed that I would just do it all and when I didnt thats when the passive aggressive bs happened...

CrunchRN, ADN, RN

Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health. Has 25 years experience.

None of it matters. Just do what it takes to graduate.

Emergent, RN

Has 28 years experience.

Unfortunately you came across as a boastful student to others when discussing your excellent grades. This is an important lesson for your future navigation into the social minefield of nursing.

Success in nursing, or any field, is largely dependent on ones likability and ability to get along with others. While you may be an academic whiz, your social IQ might be below average. I actually have had the same challenge in life.

This is an important lesson for you. Instead of blaming others, observe them and learn. Good luck!

FutureNurseInfo

Has 1 years experience.

All PPs have said it: move on and just ignore them. I am only a pre-nursing student, but at the tender age of 31 in the classes saturated by freshly graduated high school kids. As a result, I see drama like the one you are talking all the time! On a daily basis I hear how 18 somethings want to jump the bridge because she got a B- in her chem exam, or how she is so damn happy, after failing the first chem exam at 61, that half the class did even worse than her. I can go on and on. The worst part of it all is that those 18 somethings always want to pull me into their drama. However, I just ignore them! Yes, the eye rolling happens next, but why would I care? I advise that you do the same - just ignore them and look out for the prize.

Zyprexa

Has 2 years experience.

This is one of the reasons I only discussed my grades with my very few, select friends in nursing school. When other students asked, I just said "It went well, thanks."

All PPs have said it: move on and just ignore them. I am only a pre-nursing student, but at the tender age of 31 in the classes saturated by freshly graduated high school kids. As a result, I see drama like the one you are talking all the time! On a daily basis I hear how 18 somethings want to jump the bridge because she got a B- in her chem exam, or how she is so damn happy, after failing the first chem exam at 61, that half the class did even worse than her. I can go on and on. The worst part of it all is that those 18 somethings always want to pull me into their drama. However, I just ignore them! Yes, the eye rolling happens next, but why would I care? I advise that you do the same - just ignore them and look out for the prize.

Mature student (30) here, and I get crap like this too, especially in my science classes because they're so competitive :/ I've been accused of being favored because I got an A on a humanities paper (it was an art critique), where another young student got a D- because she didn't do as the instructor asked her.

I don't socialize with folks any more, I've stopped offering to help tutor folks freely now and tell them that they can make an appointment at the Academic Support Center if they're having trouble.

@OP - You do you. Lay low, don't sink to their level and eventually they'll grow up... hopefully. If they start making group projects tough, just do your part and tell your instructor/professor what the haps is - prove you're doing your part and cover your ass. If you're a bit socially awkward like I am, sometimes it's best just to stay quiet and let things blow over.

Mavrick, BSN, RN

Specializes in 15 years in ICU, 22 years in PACU. Has 30 years experience.

Hello all,

I need to vent and see if this is happening other places as well..I am almost done nursing school and the start of the program went great, I thought my class would bond and be a group but going into semester 2, the tables turned. How? Well, I got a 4.0 last semester and some people thought that I was "bragging" about my grades although I offered several times to help them study. I answer questions from the instructors then they get accused of "just teaching to me"..it is now to the point where I speak to maybe 5 or 6 people in my class..and when I say speak I mean, "Good morning" and thats it. Myself and another girl literally sat in a row in class that used to be full now by ourselves. Now, because this girl is nice to me and we study together, the class is being mean to her! I have never seen grown adults act like this. It was so bad that I had to go to the director of the program and ask if I had done something wrong...I've gotten to the point where I don't even speak or converse with anyone but to a minimum because there have been so many rumors and just plain outright mean and nasty things said about me that just are not true. I have said something to every instructor and including the director but is this not bullying? I have to think that something else plays a part when I am the only Hispanic in my cohort..I feel like I am very intelligent and know my stuff when it comes to nursing but I DO NOT know it all and thats why I want to be an RN but how do I bridge this gap that seems like it was burnt long ago? I feel like I should not apologize to anyone since.I have done nothing but be intelligent and get As on tests...any advice would be great..

There is a pattern here and I see why people don't like you.

Oh yeah, and pulling the "I'm being bullied because I'm Hispanic" line is not gonna win you any friends either.

You did all this in one semester! Going to be a long haul in nursing school.

My advice is to look up the definition of arrogant and see if you want to continue being the poster child.

You don't have much time left in school from what it sounds, so it might be too late for this. But my philosophy is not to discuss grades. Whenever people ask me what score I got on a test or project, I simply say "I did all right--I'm happy with my score," and leave it at that. It isn't anyone's business anyway.

I really adhere to the philosophy: Other people's opinion of me is none of my business.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia. Has 40 years experience.

OP: Using 'nurse' as part of your username when you are not is a violation of the AN TOS.

Nurse SMS, MSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development. Has 10 years experience.

The medical field is a surprisingly small world even in major cities. I would suggest you find a way to settle down in the competitive, arrogance, achievement oriented department. Keep your grades to yourself. Extend an olive branch by caring about the other students and their lives, not their grades or achievements. Get to know them as people. The truth is, if all of you graduate and pass NCLEX you may be bumping into these people at random throughout your career and what they have to say about you could come back to bite you even years later.

Be the kind of person you would want to know. You can't control the actions of others, but the way we control our own actions often determines how others behave toward us. When that many people have a problem with you, the common denominator is you. School is about getting an education and part of that education when it comes to nursing is learning how to function within a team, which is a key part of what we do.

Best of luck. Be nice.

Hello all,

Well, I got a 4.0 last semester and some people thought that I was "bragging" about my grades although I offered several times to help them study.

-Did they ask you for help or did you just offer? Just offering will come across as smug.

I answer questions from the instructors then they get accused of "just teaching to me"

-Are you letting anyone else in the class answer even if it takes some time?

I have never seen grown adults act like this.

If your class is mostly recent HS graduates then you really aren't grown adults, yet.

It was so bad that I had to go to the director of the program and ask if I had done something wrong.. I have said something to every instructor and including the director but is this not bullying?

-Now you have pegged yourself as the class tattletale

I have to think that something else plays a part when I am the only Hispanic in my cohort.

-Seriously...you really went there?

.I feel like I am very intelligent and know my stuff when it comes to nursing but I DO NOT know it all

-You're a SECOND semester nursing student...you know nothing.

Frankly, from what we've read here it's pretty easy to figure out what has happened. Although none of us at all condone the "mean girl" behavior you have really stepped in it. All you can do now is keep your head down and don't discuss grades, achievement or anything else of that genre. Hopefully you can mend fences so the rest of your time in school isn't miserable. Word of warning, coming off as a know-it-all as a new nurse will result in similar ostracizing. I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes life hands us hard lessons.

Honestly, everything about your post makes me think you are an immature, pompous individual with a "victim" mentality.

Hello all,

I need to vent and see if this is happening other places as well..I am almost done nursing school and the start of the program went great, I thought my class would bond and be a group but going into semester 2, the tables turned. How? Well, I got a 4.0 last semester and some people thought that I was "bragging" about my grades although I offered several times to help them study.

Its great that you got a 4.0 in your first semester, it really is! Did the other students ask for your help or for study tips? Or did you just offer to help/tutor them unsolicited? Offering without them asking for that type of help can be interpreted as you behaving smugly or that you believe you are "better" than they are. I can definitely see where an unsolicited offer of tutoring could be offensive and rude (even if you did not intend for it to be that way).

I answer questions from the instructors then they get accused of "just teaching to me"..it is now to the point where I speak to maybe 5 or 6 people in my class..and when I say speak I mean, "Good morning" and thats it. Myself and another girl literally sat in a row in class that used to be full now by ourselves. Now, because this girl is nice to me and we study together, the class is being mean to her! I have never seen grown adults act like this.

Mean in what way? I have a hard time with the description "mean" as it can be very personal. What I feel is mean and uncalled for, you may think is normal.

It was so bad that I had to go to the director of the program and ask if I had done something wrong...I've gotten to the point where I don't even speak or converse with anyone but to a minimum because there have been so many rumors and just plain outright mean and nasty things said about me that just are not true. I have said something to every instructor and including the director but is this not bullying?

Going to the professor/director, without a *serious* complaint, will only ostracize you further. Work on the relationships directly with the other people involved before you run to tattle. Not being liked/being ostracized or someone being "mean" is not a serious enough of an issue to bring to a director.

I have to think that something else plays a part when I am the only Hispanic in my cohort..

Bringing race up is ridiculous, unless you have conclusive proof that everyone, besides you, in your cohort is racist. Its much more likely that they are responding poorly to your personality or past behavior, than to the fact that you are Hispanic.

I feel like I am very intelligent and know my stuff when it comes to nursing but I DO NOT know it all and thats why I want to be an RN but how do I bridge this gap that seems like it was burnt long ago?

I feel like I should not apologize to anyone since.I have done nothing but be intelligent and get As on tests

This statement right here is VERY telling to me, regarding your attitude. It screams "it's all THEIR fault"...."they're just out to get me"...."I'm better than they are and can't be the one at fault"....immature, pompous, victim mentality!

...any advice would be great.

Honestly, all you can do now is to keep your head down. Be polite and try to make amends. You don't have to kiss @ss or anything, but be conscious of how people interpret what you say and do. Don't go running to your professors/director, unless the offense is completely intolerable...work it out among yourselves or ignore it. Try to learn better social skills, or utilize your EQ more effectively. Don't get wrapped up in the drama. If something happens that you don't like, just ignore it and move on. They wont study with you? Who cares? No one talks to you? Again - who cares? All that ultimately matters is that you learn the most that you can in your remaining time in school.

bgxyrnf, MSN, RN

Specializes in Med-Tele; ED; ICU. Has 10 years experience.

You had me right up until you decided that it was a racial thing...

MiladyMalarkey, ASN, BSN

Specializes in Neuro. Has 2 years experience.

You're learning valuable life lessons. Not everyone will like you & other people can be difficult to work with. Sometimes personalities clash, other times it's them & sometimes it'll actually be you who is being the difficult one. Yet you'll still have to get your job done, personality conflict or not.

Also, speaking as a Hispanic woman myself, you are gonna have people (maybe a patient one day) who won't like you because you're "browner" than they are or even not brown enough. You'll still have to care for them. Just please don't be casual or careless about throwing out the "race" card. Your comment about them "maybe" not liking you because your Hispanic comes off as irresponsible based on what you told us. When you get into the working world accusing a colleague of being racist/discriminatory is a serious allegation & if not legitimate works to discredit you & those of us who actually are experiencing it. Please don't discredit others who really are experiencing discrimination.

Learn from this experience.

Edited by MiladyMalarkey