Sick of the BS

la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN · Apr 25, 2017

Wow..your comment is mind blowing.."I see a pattern of why people don't like you?" I stated in my post that I have offered my help on several occasions when it was asked of me so how is that arrogant? Arrogance in my opinion would be saying, " I am better than you because I got a 4.0" but my feeling is I want to HELP them get the same grades..

And, still, wanting to help is very paternalistic. It comes across as you looking like you need to help them improve based on your assessment of their situation. Smug is smug and it's other people's perception that is the problem but it's also how you put things out there that helps develop that perception in the first place.

The thing is, nursing school is (and I'm sure you're already aware being an LPN) a place where all your shortcomings, deficiencies, knowledge/interpersonal/physical/critical thinking gaps get put under a microscope and get critiqued constantly. It can make people feel acutely self-aware of their inabilities. You have to understand that it isn't going to make a difference whether you offered help or were asked for help when people are already feeling so insecure. You might have perceived them as asking for your help when they actually probably weren't so you came off as a know-it-all.

Also, making it about race is a ridiculous cop out. It's also really weird and unprofessional that you went to the director asking about why everyone had a problem with you. :eek:

blaundee · Apr 26, 2017

Unfortunately you came across as a boastful student to others when discussing your excellent grades. This is an important lesson for your future navigation into the social minefield of nursing.
Success in nursing, or any field, is largely dependent on ones likability and ability to get along with others. While you may be an academic whiz, your social IQ might be below average. I actually have had the same challenge in life.
This is an important lesson for you. Instead of blaming others, observe them and learn. Good luck!

This.

Also- playing the race card won't win you any points in the likability area. Unless the other students have specifically been racist, drop that right now. It certainly won't help you on the job.

HermioneG, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2017

If I was you, I would stop interacting with the professors during lecture if you're doing that right now. Sometimes it can be hard to realize how distracting constant questions/comments can be for our peers during lecture. If you have a question during lecture, I would jot it down and pop in during office hours later, but not interrupt the class to bring more attention to yourself. Or better yet, ask a peer or two before or after class if they could help you understand that part of the material. If you've been pinned as a know it all who is paternalistic to their peers, it might help to humble yourself and ask a semi-friendly student if they could clarify something that you're confused on. And be genuine about it. Make it something that you really don't understand, and something that they could actually help you with. Know-it-alls have a hard time admitting when they don't know something, and can have a hard time accepting direction from a peer. If you start humbling yourself a little and start being open to help/asking for help as much as you were offering it to others, the negative impression they have of you might tone down a little bit.

A&OxNone, MSN, RN · Apr 26, 2017

Heres the thing that I think you don't understand - nursing school is hard for even very very smart people. Its a different way of thinking and sometimes people that struggled in A&P actually do very well in nursing school, but on the other hand I knew a girl that had a previous bachelors degree in biology fail in my class. But the bottom line is, and what I think people are trying to tell you, is even talking about your 4.0 and offering to help will only alienate you from the 90% of students that are probably stressed out about tests and grades.

There were a few people like this in my nursing class - ones that always answered the questions and argued "but the books says..." and yada yada. And I'll tell you that the perceptions was this - "yeah, they may be book smart but they can't critically think their way out of a bag" or "yeah they can pass a test but I dont want them to ever take care of me". And I'm not saying you are a terrible person and that any of this is true, but i agree with other posts saying to TONE IT DOWN. Eat a slice of humble pie. A REAL BIG SLICE. People can't relate to you. People think you are a know-it-all. You have to take it down. I've been a nurse for 7 years now, and I'll tell you that I still learn stuff every day. I have to eat a slice of humble pie all the time because I miss something or get busy and I'm not perfect. Thats what it takes to be successful in nursing school and as a nurse.

Good luck to you.

Savagecat · Apr 27, 2017

There is a pattern here and I see why people don't like you.
Oh yeah, and pulling the "I'm being bullied because I'm Hispanic" line is not gonna win you any friends either.
You did all this in one semester! Going to be a long haul in nursing school.
My advice is to look up the definition of arrogant and see if you want to continue being the poster child.

So someone being afraid they are experiencing racism is unacceptable?

BAY AREA RN, BSN · Apr 27, 2017

why do you care how people react to you, you are a grown woman. If you are succeeding through your program then thats all you need to worry about. Its their lost not yours especially if you are good at understanding the knowledge. I am in nursing school also and their is no time to worry about who's liking who. Your focus should be school and school only. We join groups in nursing school in order to improve our chances of passing. If you are doing great keep going. When you go out into the work field you will be around a new set of people.

nalie2, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 27, 2017

You aren't going to pass the NCLEX by having classmates like you. But if you really want them to like you then stop boasting about your grades and stop saying you're very intelligent. In your post you mentioned your 4.0 and intelligence a few times and not to mention your user name "hell of a nurse." I hope that does not come across as rude, but some people don't like someone that brags. Maybe you don't FEEL like you are bragging, but others may perceive it that way and to me your post came off as "people don't like me because I'm smart." Your classmates sound very immature, don't stoop to their level and just ignore it.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Apr 29, 2017

cancelled

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Apr 29, 2017

Hello all,
I need to vent and see if this is happening other places as well..I am almost done nursing school and the start of the program went great, I thought my class would bond and be a group but going into semester 2, the tables turned. How? Well, I got a 4.0 last semester and some people thought that I was "bragging" about my grades although I offered several times to help them study. I answer questions from the instructors then they get accused of "just teaching to me"..it is now to the point where I speak to maybe 5 or 6 people in my class..and when I say speak I mean, "Good morning" and thats it. Myself and another girl literally sat in a row in class that used to be full now by ourselves. Now, because this girl is nice to me and we study together, the class is being mean to her! I have never seen grown adults act like this. It was so bad that I had to go to the director of the program and ask if I had done something wrong...I've gotten to the point where I don't even speak or converse with anyone but to a minimum because there have been so many rumors and just plain outright mean and nasty things said about me that just are not true. I have said something to every instructor and including the director but is this not bullying? I have to think that something else plays a part when I am the only Hispanic in my cohort..I feel like I am very intelligent and know my stuff when it comes to nursing but I DO NOT know it all and thats why I want to be an RN but how do I bridge this gap that seems like it was burnt long ago? I feel like I should not apologize to anyone since.I have done nothing but be intelligent and get As on tests...any advice would be great..

Well, here goes.

Never tell your grades. Don't ask others theirs.

Let other students answer questions sometimes.

Pick the person who seems to lead the others and say something to her like, "You know, I feel like I really messed up socially here in school. I never meant to come across as arrogant or snotty, but I have managed to offend you. I am truly sorry. Do you think you could forgive me?" Wait for the response. She might not be willing or able to forgive you immediately. Sometimes people need some time. Don't assume that everything will immediately or ever be great. Just offer the apology, ask for forgiveness, and lay it to rest in your own mind. See what happens with the others, see if they become more friendly or what. If they don't, just leave it alone. Keep to yourself, try being quieter.

Don't offer to help anyone. If they ask for your help, cautiously agree. They might be trying to lure you into something other than good. But maybe they are sincere. Just test the waters, slowly.

Never tattle if you can possibly help it.

You might see, work with, apply for a job managed by your fellow students in your role as a graduate nurse or somewhere along the way once you are working as an RN. So it does matter whether or not you get along with them in school.

Pray if you believe in it. Ask for God to grant you favor with your fellows and make you aware when you are about to do or say something that might seem arrogant or boastful to them.

I don't know if it's racial/cultural or just your personality. This is hard to prove without them name-calling, making fun of you, or something specific. Being willing to translate if asked could be a way of helping your fellows and sort of endearing you to them, if you speak Spanish and speak it well enough to translate. But wait for them to ask.

Just make sure you behave nicely. Treat others the way you like to be treated. Mostly, keep quiet. Not aloof, just be quiet. Like Trump was so danged ridiculous up til a couple of weeks ago. And lately he stated that the Presidency is much harder than he'd imagined. Social interactions can be very hard, too, as you are seeing.

I wish you all the best.

I'll just add that, as a minority, you might feel like you have to prove yourself. I felt that way in my younger years. I'm not saying you do have that feeling, I'm just telling you what I have experienced. If someone is the only Protestant, the only Catholic, the only Muslim, Jew, whatever, the only male, female, oldest, youngest, whatever, it can feel like we are alone against the world and we have to prove how smart or competent we are. Generally, though, what I have learned is that most people like me if I am nice to them. Humor helps when used appropriately. it lets people know that we like a good laugh. not mean humor or hurtful humor, just dumb stuff you've done or had happen, and it makes other people laugh.

Also, some people like to know that "troubles are all the same". They feel reassured somehow if you are suffering like they are. That's why you never tell people your grades or you lie about them. And you feel sick and the baby is sick or whatever. Your roof, your car, your daughter's Science Fair project that was eaten by the pet kangaroo. You know what I'm saying?

Hey, good luck.

donsterRN, ASN, BSN · Apr 29, 2017

You had me right up until you decided that it was a racial thing...

Yep. Me too.

Mavrick, BSN, RN · May 2, 2017

So someone being afraid they are experiencing racism is unacceptable?

I cannot control what someone is afraid of. Just stating if she uses a discrimination argument in this context she will not accomplish a goal of being more likeable.

C0SM0 · May 2, 2017

The further I read into your post, the more I realized that it's more than likely that you are the problem. Most of your post was simply telling us about how great you are. And as a minority myself, nothing is more upsetting to me than seeing people pull the race card when they have no evidence that race is the issue to begin with. You really need to work on your people skills. If you can't get along with other nursing students, it won't get any easier when you graduate.