Should we put up with verbally aggressive relatives ?

roser13, ASN, RN · Dec 26, 2015

Enough is enough when you legitimately feel threatened enough to call security.

Enough can be enough when you are obliged to draw the charge nurse into the equation.

loriangel14, RN · Dec 26, 2015

I just explain to them they are not to speak to us like that and if it continues I will call security to see them out. And I have.

roser13, ASN, RN · Dec 26, 2015

So working the Christmas season has been difficult and fulfilling. The best part making someone smile on Christmas day the bad parts ... Nasty relatives.
When you are trying your hardest and having to put up with constant put downs. It's difficult because on the one hand their loved one is unwell and that must be awful on the other hand we as nurses can only do what we can do as it isn't a one to one service. I often find patients that do have vocal and at times nasty relatives tend to get the better care as we are scared to say no ...So at what point is enough enough ?

Why are you "scared to say no" and what request are you scared to say no to?

db2xs · Dec 27, 2015

You say "we are scared to say no." Is this a problem on your unit?

I also ask the same question as roser13: What request are you scared to say no to?

My personal two cents: I have had relatives yell at me, but I would say 99.9% of the time, they are just aggravated and upset about their loved one being sick, as well as stressed out. Inevitably, if the rant is long enough, it comes out about how frustrated and scared they are.

I would say "enough is enough" is a personal threshold, but really, I would not and do not tolerate excessive verbal abuse or absurd requests. I am busy with very sick patients, and luckily most people recognise that, but those who do not will have to learn to deal with it.

Chory · Dec 27, 2015

School Teachers are professionals like Registered Nurses but often do not have the recourse to call for back up from management or security. You can't keep calling for the School principal's help when you have a handful of unruly children in a basic mathematics class. At least hospitals have security monitoring the area constantly.

I would tell the families in this instance that they are being served and to be patient. Actually, I'd tell the relatives to do the job and take over.

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Dec 27, 2015

No. That's what security is for.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Dec 27, 2015

They can be scared, tired and frustrated. They can feel powerless and need to blame someone. They can be aggravated and upset. All of the above are NOT legitimate reasons to lash out onto another human being.

My personal limit is what is not generally tolerated in, say, bank or Wal-Mart, should not be tolerated in a hospital just as well. I can spend one more than usual polite mention that speaking like "that" is not appreciated. After that, security and charge will have to be brought in the equation.

I also found out that outright, direct, justified, 110% refusal to accept this assignment, unless it is known "difficult" patient/family being "rotated" between all nurses, makes the Powers That Are to perform some long-needed actions. It is kind of a strong medicine, that is to say, and should not be used without strict indications but it does miracles sometimes.

PMFB-RN, RN · Dec 27, 2015

I often find patients that do have vocal and at times nasty relatives tend to get the better care as we are scared to say no ...So at what point is enough enough ?

First I don't tolerate verbal abuse from anyone who isn't demented or doesn't have some medical reason not to be in their right mind.

Second my experience as a rapid response nurse is that patients with nasty family members have more rapid responses called on them, and worse outcomes, because the staff nurses tried to avoid entering the room except whey had to. This that might have been caught early get worse before they get noticed.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 27, 2015

Why are you "scared to say no" and what request are you scared to say no to?

In the olden days, you could say no and management supported you. Now it's all about customer service. If you say no, that's bad customer service, and in some workplaces, there are consequences for that.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Dec 27, 2015

Verbally abusive families and visitors are one main reason I left bedside nursing a couple of weeks ago. Due to my former workplace's mantra that the 'customer' is always right, I basically functioned as a charge nurse without any backing from management.

Filling the charge nurse role without sufficient backing from the managerial team is hell.

Nurse Leigh · Dec 27, 2015

In the olden days, you could say no and management supported you. Now it's all about customer service. If you say no, that's bad customer service, and in some workplaces, there are consequences for that.

I never got to experience the old days...they sound kinda nice.

As many of us have lots of experience being either the patient or patients' loved one, I think we can clearly see how many of the decisions upper mgmt makes impede giving good care.

The goal should be for the health care team and patient and their loved ones working together as a team to have the best outcome/quality of life for the patient.

Instead we (nurses) are under fire to say "Yes!"to inappropriate requests, speak from stilted scripts instead of extemporaneously, being told we can't tell the truth about the reason we can't answer a call light immediately (short staffing) or why a med has not been administered (pharmacy hasn't sent it 'cause they're probably short staffed too), etcetera.

I swear if the general public truly understood how things really work (or, more appropriately, NOT work) in most health care facilities, they might be more likely to stand up to the real problem - upper mgmt (I feel bad for a lot of mid mgmt people who seem stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place).

If we had time and resources (and backup from mgmt) to educate patients as to what the plan of care is and maybe change a few things if appropriate, perhaps teamwork would be the norm and patients and visitors rudely throwing their weight around and trying to intimidate the staff.

*phew* feel better getting all that out - just hope it makes sense.