Should we put up with verbally aggressive relatives ?

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So working the Christmas season has been difficult and fulfilling. The best part making someone smile on Christmas day the bad parts ... Nasty relatives.

When you are trying your hardest and having to put up with constant put downs. It's difficult because on the one hand their loved one is unwell and that must be awful on the other hand we as nurses can only do what we can do as it isn't a one to one service. I often find patients that do have vocal and at times nasty relatives tend to get the better care as we are scared to say no ...So at what point is enough enough ?

to answer your question, I do not put up with aggressive family members. aggression leads to abuse and more and more nurses are abused these days, in my opinion. for fear of loosing their job or 'creating waves' many nurses just put up with it. the healthcare system and society in general is breeding this culture of entitlement. when people don't get what they want, when they want it, they stomp and yell until they get it. it's not about good medicine anymore it's about 'customer service' and 'the bottom line.' As far as verbally aggressive family members, it's about mutual respect between humans. I treat you with respect, please treat me the same. yes these people are experiencing the worst time/day in their lives, I sympathize with that. As a nurse I have learned to establish boundaries early on in the day in the nurse-patient relationship, and remove myself from the situation until everyone is calm, or ask the family member to step out and get some air so I can safely treat the patient in a timely manner. also, I document everything, lots of nursing notes and quotes and specific statement of facts when it's interfering with treatment.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
A sick relative does not make you a loud mouthed bully. It may give you an excuse to act naturally but it does NOT change your personality.

Wish I could "Like" this one a few hundred times!

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Good God, why (oh, why) are some of these posters telling people that they fear for their safety. Why would you want the perp to know, suspect or even think that you are the one who is afraid...I truly don't get this. And no I'm not advocating a throwdown in the patient's room, but for Christ's sake, take charge of the situation, speak with (and ON) authority (you are the licensed professional in charge here).

Look, I know you're hurting (or your family member is dying, insert ailment here), but you're actions, attitude, whatever are not helping. We are short-staffed, here is the name of the charge nurse/CEO/DON/COO.If we had a properly staffed unit, we could cater to your (and your loved one's needs) needs, but we don't and I have 23 more residents to care for. Right now, your actions are out of line and you need to stop. You're in a hospital/nh, whatever and your disturbing others.

Yes, I have said this a couple times and sometimes it's painful for me to have to be firm because I know they feel helpless, guilty, etc. But it must be done and I don't ever let anyone think they can bully or intimidate me around. Never have. And trust me, I am a very compassionate person.

One can certainly accomplish this without shouting, with compassion on the patient's part, and for God's sake I certainly would hope one can do it without crying (although by the number of all the crying posts, I know the odds of that!).

?

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I always have to balance in my mind whether it is going to be more trouble than it is worth to ask a family member to leave. Will the family member cause a huge stink? Will they escalate from verbal abuse to physical? Will asking a patient's family member to leave undermine my therapeutic relationship with the patient? I weigh all of these factors before I ask anyone to leave the hospital. In my opinion, enough is enough when the family member erodes my patient's confidence in my care, causes me to feel unsafe, or causes my patient to be unsafe.

For example: I had a sixteen year old preeclamptic patient on magnesium who delivered a 35 week newborn who was transferred to the NICU almost immediately after birth. The patient's mother (i.e. the newborn's grandmother) was constantly trying to force me to schedule procedures around her meetings with her parole officer. She would grab my clothes and shake me while demanding updates on the newborn's condition (mind you, I wasn't caring for the baby and she had been provided with NICU's phone number). Every time they did get news of the baby, she would throw herself on her daughter's chest and sob dramatically, then pop a Xanax and pass out on the floor. She did all of this while expecting the sixteen year old on a magnesium drip and bedrest to care for her six-year-old sister.

I asked her to leave because 1) she was grabbing and physically assaulting me, and 2) her antics were stressing her daughter, who had high blood pressure and a low seizure threshold. I informed her that if she returned to the hospital before discharge I would call the police and press charges.

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A sick relative does not make you a loud mouthed bully. It may give you an excuse to act naturally but it does NOT change your personality.

So, so true!!!

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Specializes in Float Pool-Med-Surg, Telemetry, IMCU.
I always have to balance in my mind whether it is going to be more trouble than it is worth to ask a family member to leave. Will the family member cause a huge stink? Will they escalate from verbal abuse to physical? Will asking a patient's family member to leave undermine my therapeutic relationship with the patient? I weigh all of these factors before I ask anyone to leave the hospital. In my opinion, enough is enough when the family member erodes my patient's confidence in my care, causes me to feel unsafe, or causes my patient to be unsafe.

For example: I had a sixteen year old preeclamptic patient on magnesium who delivered a 35 week newborn who was transferred to the NICU almost immediately after birth. The patient's mother (i.e. the newborn's grandmother) was constantly trying to force me to schedule procedures around her meetings with her parole officer. She would grab my clothes and shake me while demanding updates on the newborn's condition (mind you, I wasn't caring for the baby and she had been provided with NICU's phone number). Every time they did get news of the baby, she would throw herself on her daughter's chest and sob dramatically, then pop a Xanax and pass out on the floor. She did all of this while expecting the sixteen year old on a magnesium drip and bedrest to care for her six-year-old sister.

I asked her to leave because 1) she was grabbing and physically assaulting me, and 2) her antics were stressing her daughter, who had high blood pressure and a low seizure threshold. I informed her that if she returned to the hospital before discharge I would call the police and press charges.

Oh God, those poor children. This is why I cannot work L&D, post-partum, NICU, or peds.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Float Pool Nursing.

If I run into verbally abusive family members, I tell them that I'll either come back into the room when they are in a better mood, or I will find someone else who would be willing to take the patient. I'm not getting paid to be attacked. That kind of relationship is just not therapeutic for me.

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Right now I am so tempted to be an "abusive family member" it's not funny, and I am bringing my man with me so that he will help diffuse my temper so the conversation doesn't involve raised voices or threats (except to stay with her 24x7 to ensure she isn't being abused by her nursing staff if that's what it takes, which won't be a threat but a promise).

You do not verbally abuse patients, nor do you push IV Phenergan undiluted fast.

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Specializes in ICU.
Right now I am so tempted to be an "abusive family member" it's not funny, and I am bringing my man with me so that he will help diffuse my temper so the conversation doesn't involve raised voices or threats (except to stay with her 24x7 to ensure she isn't being abused by her nursing staff if that's

what it takes, which won't be a threat but a promise).

You do not verbally abuse patients, nor do you push IV Phenergan undiluted fast.

Your comments are offensive. If you are a nurse you would know that every dose of Phenergan dispensed and every EMR

has red flag warnings for diluting phenergan. File a complaint.

Just because you have an issue with someone does not give

you the right to lecture the members of this forum.

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I apologize for seeming to lecture you. The "you" I meant was in general and related to one specific nurse at that hospital, not that anyone on this forum did either (verbally abuse patients or the undiluted push). You are correct that every nursing directive says that's nuts, and I thought because of that specifically the nurses on here would understand why I was so mad (and that I was referring to someone other than a forum member).

Fortunately I started out friendly with the charge nurse, and it didn't have to get nasty. I just asked if appropriate nursing interventions included (insert example of verbal abuse) and that if one more incident of undiluted Phenergan being administered IV happened I would BE filing said complaint.

Edit to add: the undiluted Phenergan was bad enough and an extreme nursing error -- charge nurse said she certainly would be doing something about it -- but pushing it fast was just purely sadistic. I will not tolerate anyone deliberately abusing my family.

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FYI, that's how I would want a family member who had a problem with my care to do -- realize that screaming, threats, and violence (verbal or otherwise) will do nothing to fix things, calm themselves down (at least some deep breathing exercises, which I sometimes wonder is part of why nicotine addicts calm down when they smoke -- that might be the slowest, deepest breathing they do regularly), and politely ask someone at the nurse's station if the charge nurse would be able to have a private discussion sometime in the next half-hour or so.

I admit that my very obvious attempts at politeness were probably not entirely disguising my anger at how my sister had been treated, but I was also able to let them know the doctor that really needs to be consulted at this point as well (complicated situation) -- my brother-in-law is taking care of their children and I am the most local relative. Fortunately he's at the same facility (due to complicated situation she tries to get all her care at the same facility). So it was hopefully productive as well as as polite as I could manage.

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Right now I am so tempted to be an "abusive family member" it's not funny, and I am bringing my man with me so that he will help diffuse my temper so the conversation doesn't involve raised voices or threats (except to stay with her 24x7 to ensure she isn't being abused by her nursing staff if that's what it takes, which won't be a threat but a promise).

You do not verbally abuse patients, nor do you push IV Phenergan undiluted fast.

It's unfortunate that undiluted phenergan was pushed obviously was a terrible error. But why would you come this forum and basically say that being a abusive family member is a promise? If you have grievances you take it up with the hospital, but you don't come to a nursing forum and sound like a bully. I certainly hope if you do go through with your "promise" that security gets called and you're removed from the hospital.

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