Should a gay male LPN reveal his sexual orientation...

nowim clean · May 18, 2012

no its not their business

CiscoNurse · May 18, 2012

It depends, I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body and it worked out ok for me

OCNRN63, RN · May 18, 2012

what do you want people to do after you've told them? really, it's unnecessary information. no one needs/wants to know that stuff.

angelicious05 · May 25, 2012

The ironic part to this is, if not for those who judge, question, accuse, and belittle, gays and lesbians would be able to respond to talk about their partners and their lives in the same way the rest of us do.
Did it occur to those of you who questioned this man's motivation and actions that people like YOU are the very reason this is an issue? He would never have needed to ask the question in his original post if the world were free of bigotry and hate.

I couldn't have said it better myself!

Silverlight2010 · May 25, 2012

I understand that I should probably always avoid letting patients know that I'm gay. But, I'm basically looking for tips on how to re-route the conversation if I feel like it's headed in a direction where sexual orientation might be brought up...it's actually a very important question...and a professional question...and I would appreciate answers...what I would not appreciate is people telling me to "stop talking about myself, especially to children"...quite frankly I think that is bad advice...for example telling a child who is obviously a fan of teenage mutant ninja turtles that I myself was a fan of teenage mutant ninja turtles might make the child more comfortable with me...and more agreeable...which would in turn facilate my ability to provide care for the child...so in other words in some situations it is probably a good idea to talk about myself in the workplace...

One way to reroute the conversation in the situation you outlined would be "I hope so, how about you? Have any special plans for valentines day? Do you have a party at school or a dance?"

To relationship questions; "I'm so busy with work, who has time? So I saw some visitors here earlier, family or friends?"

Have kids? "I have a couple of cats that keep me pretty busy, how about you? Any kids?"

Where do you live? "Just outside the city. The commute isn't too bad. So you're from _______? What's it like there?"

I found the trick was to go with a general acknowledgement that doesn't really give anything away and then redirect with a question about the patient. Things like the ninja turtle stuff I'd go with. Common interest that doesn't give a lot away about you and helps you build rapport. I'm very selective about what I reveal, and I don't talk about sex or orientation with my patients ever. A few times I'll talk about having kids (which I do) only if the situation warrents. One was when I had a stressed out parent admitted for an MI, worried more about how the kids would make out at home. I was really concerned they would go AMA before treatment and by talking with the patient as their nurse and also a parent I was able to build a better rapport and help them make arrangements with family and friends to keep things under control until they were discharged. They key to this one was why did they want to know? In this case they needed to know I understood and could empathise with their concerns as a parent.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · May 25, 2012

I think our LGBT colleagues should be able to be as forthcoming about their lives as the rest of us. Many people have responded here from the perspective of someone who enjoys the advantages of meeting default social expectations without realizing it. Until we know the lived experience of having to obfuscate minor details 1000 times a day, day after day after day, we cannot understand how it belittles the existential being of the LGBT individual. To live a lie for someone else's comfort is obscene, IMO, and no one should expect that of someone else.

Regardless, living a lie for your own comfort is never something I would judge. If you are comfortable with all of the possible consequences, answer all queries honestly and let the bigots own their feelings about it. Someday, if enough LGBT people refuse to pretend they are something other than their true selves, the rest of the world will be forced to adapt. I hope that day is soon for you OP.

Good luck.

LPNtoRN2014 · May 25, 2012

I think our LGBT colleagues should be able to be as forthcoming about their lives as the rest of us. Many people have responded here from the perspective of someone who enjoys the advantages of meeting default social expectations without realizing it. Until we know the lived experience of having to obfuscate minor details 1000 times a day, day after day after day, we cannot understand how it belittles the existential being of the LGBT individual. To live a lie for someone else's comfort is obscene, IMO, and no one should expect that of someone else.
Regardless, living a lie for your own comfort is never something I would judge. If you are comfortable with all of the possible consequences, answer all queries honestly and let the bigots own their feelings about it. Someday, if enough LGBT people refuse to pretend they are something other than their true selves, the rest of the world will be forced to adapt. I hope that day is soon for you OP.
Good luck.

You do bring up a valid point.

Patti_RN · May 25, 2012

BlueDevil and LPNtoRN, wouldn't that be wonderful if LBGTs could be open and honest without judgment? BlueDevil, I realize your intention was to be encouraging and supportive, but I'm afraid we're a long, long way from that reality. It's theoretically possible that being open might hasten acceptance, but at what risk to the individual? One doesn't have to look hard to find stories of gay teens beaten up, bullied, ridiculed, murdered and driven to suicide by others who do judge them. Some are even disowned by their own mothers, fathers and families. Every gay adult and teen I know has had some awful experience... or two, or dozen, or more. With that much reinforcement, how can anyone ever feel safe? Can anyone here say with confidence, "that wouldn't happen to you..."

Ours is not an accepting society. 150 years after the Civil War, African Americans are still at economic and social disadvantage. Women are denied birth control by the same insurance programs that pay for Viagra. Americans look at every Hispanic as a possible illegal immigrant, regardless of their status. Even the most vulnerable among us: the kids with learning disabilities, the mentally ill, and the homeless are mistreated by others. These people have suffered the consequences of being 'different' for decades or centuries. We could be hopeful that 'they' (LGBTs) would be open and bring discrimination based on sexual orientation to a swift end, but history of other minority groups has proven this to be unlikely.

Yes, in an ideal world, gays and lesbian could be honest and open. And in that ideal world Travon Martin would still be alive. Sandra Fluke wouldn't have been called a 'whore' and a 'prostitute' on national radio because she advocated for women's rights to birth control. We wouldn't have states demanding to see documents of people of color. And, in that perfect world little kids with Downs Syndrome could go out and play and not have neighborhood kids taunt them and throw stones at them.

I wouldn't characterize it as 'refusing to pretend' I'd characterize it as protecting themselves from hate, injustice, the threat of bodily harm, and even death.

Sparrowhawk · May 25, 2012

I have a feeling as long as we exist...people will be prejudice against other people...

GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN · May 26, 2012

i have a feeling as long as we exist...people will be prejudice against other people...

sparrowhawk, is human nature to questioned and do i dare to say be nosy of other people business, this i come to realize every time an little old lady ask about my wife. having said that, this is the reason why i adhere to my 5 golden rules while at work in order to eliminate any miss understanding, which i mentioned previously on this topic. wishing everyone a great & safe holiday memorial weekend :cool: ... aloha~

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · May 26, 2012

I wouldn't characterize it as 'refusing to pretend' I'd characterize it as protecting themselves from hate, injustice, the threat of bodily harm, and even death.

And that choice is for individuals to make for themselves; as I said, I would never judge anyone harshly for making a "safe" choice. However, I strongly object to the notion some posters on this thread have expressed, that LGBT nurses ought to keep details of their lives to themselves, the same seemingly mundane details that everyone else (over)shares constantly, merely to spare other people (including patients) discomfort.

The OP and anyone else should share whatever demographic information they feel comfortable sharing with whomever they feel comfortable, whenever they feel comfortable (within boundaries of propriety, of course) and to he// with what the listener thinks about it. Their feelings are not the OPs responsibility. If they have bigoted ideas and are put off by honest answers to questions they pose, too bad. The OP or other LGBT people do not owe the bigots a comfortable cocoon. They don't have to lie about who they are to put bigots at ease. They can if they want to, but to expect them to, is truly offensive and vulgar.

Sparrowhawk · May 26, 2012

Gitano- I was saying that in reference to the fact we still have predujice in the nation etc.... we always will. *Shrug*