Should a gay male LPN reveal his sexual orientation...

LPNTO · May 17, 2012

Frankly when I am at work I don't want to hear about anyone's sex life or orientation. This should be private. When you are taking care of patients, TAKE CARE OF PATIENTS, your private life is none of their business. And if asked about dates, the answer is either yes or no - not what sex. Stop talking about yourself, especially to children, and do your job.

You seem to think that I am this guy who goes to work and shoves my sexual orientation down everyones throat...and that I'm someone that is constantly talking about myself when I should be taking care of patients...you couldn't possibly be more wrong...I'm not asking about whether or not other people want to hear about my sex life/orientation...I'm not asking if it's a private matter...I'm asking how I should deal with it when people ask me innocuous questions such as "do you have a date on valentines day" If I say yes, they might ask what is the persons name if I say Jim...then BAM! I just outed myself! I understand that I should probably always avoid letting patients know that I'm gay. But, I'm basically looking for tips on how to re-route the conversation if I feel like it's headed in a direction where sexual orientation might be brought up...it's actually a very important question...and a professional question...and I would appreciate answers...what I would not appreciate is people telling me to "stop talking about myself, especially to children"...quite frankly I think that is bad advice...for example telling a child who is obviously a fan of teenage mutant ninja turtles that I myself was a fan of teenage mutant ninja turtles might make the child more comfortable with me...and more agreeable...which would in turn facilate my ability to provide care for the child...so in other words in some situations it is probably a good idea to talk about myself in the workplace...

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · May 17, 2012

The "sexual" part of a gay person is just the same as a straight person......a very small part. Unless you are a hooker or a Media star. As a nurse, people provide quality care based on not a thing to do with sexuality, regardless of orientation. If OP your concern is your job due to your orientation, then I would be mindful of that. And that can be done by just not discussing your personal life at work.

kanzi monkey · May 17, 2012

Keep your personal life to a minimum when talking with patients. If possible, try to avoid mentioning that you are gay at all costs because many people still have 'moral,' 'religious,' and 'social' objections to same-sex relationships.
When you are at work, it is no longer about you. It is all about your patients. The nurse/patient relationship's primary focus is the patient, so if a patient is asking too many personal questions, find a tactful way to redirect the conversation back on them.

I mostly agree with this. However, rather than saying "it is all about your patients" I would add that it is MOST important to protect yourself. The OP's situation--with a young kid unknowingly asking a potentially sensitive question (even if you had a date with a girl, it's still personal/sensitive), and parents who may have opinions about your sexuality--that seems a little tenuous. Unfortunately we live in a world where bigotry not only exists but is ignored (or proselytized) by idiots. That's not your fault (obviously)--but it's true that your job is to take care of the kid. If you are concerned that someone will interfere with your ability to do your job because of something stupid they believe, take the higher ground and change the subject.

As nurses we end up taking the higher ground a lot.

However, adult patients are a little different. Aside from some occasionally irreconcilable cultural beliefs, they are generally old enough to understand that bigotry is wrong. If one were to ask me a question, like "hey, what do you think about gay marriage" I would answer them honestly--that if gay marriage were not legal in my state, my husband and I (I am female) would get a divorce as I will not accept a civil liberty that is denied to my fellow human beings.

They can deal.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · May 17, 2012

And can someone explain to me what the deal is with the stars in the top right corner.

The stars in the top right corner have everything to do with a member's post count. A member with bronze stars has relatively few posts (less than 1,000), members with silver stars have between 1,000 and 10,000 posts, and posters with gold stars have more than 10,000 posts. Just click on the stars to see a member's location, age, post count, and how long (s)he's been a member on these forums.

Don't you think that this question dealing with whether or not I should divulge my sexual orientation to patients might at least partially stem from my desire to provide quality care for my patients?

You seem to have a burning desire to discuss this issue with your patients and their families. However, it is not as if you are in NYC, San Francisco, or some other place where the clientele would be tolerant of an openly gay nurse. You are in Nebraska, which is a very traditional red state in the Midwestern Bible Belt, so openly discussing your sexual orientation would possibly result in your care being refused by more than a few patients and visitors. Although you have the choice of talking about your personal life, I can almost guarantee that it will be at your own peril. Good luck to you.

I'm asking how I should deal with it when people ask me innocuous questions such as "do you have a date on valentines day" If I say yes, they might ask what is the persons name if I say Jim...then BAM!

In my six years of nursing, no patient or family member has asked me the name of a spouse or boyfriend. If they ask, redirect the question onto them.

Patti_RN · May 17, 2012

LPNTO, As you're well aware, this can be explained over and over and over, but those who cannot listen cannot hear. What is ugly is that anyone could be so misinformed and so narrow-minded. They color everything they say with thinly veiled hatred.

I read your original post, and was able to easily understand the situation. It was a little kid making innocent conversation. Had you been straight, your response would have been honest and matter-of-fact. ("Yeah, my girlfriend and I went... " or, "No, not this year... I just broke up with...") The kid wasn't fishing. He may have been making nervous conversation. He may be at that age when he's curious about adult relationships. It's too bad you can't respond with the same honesty as a straight man or woman would respond; instead, you're filled with conflict. Should I be honest? Should I change the subject? Should I lie? And, each choice brings with its own risks. All these questions and confusions over a simple question that 90% of the population can respond to candidly--without even questioning their response.

These folks might feel differently if they had to hide the person they love. Or, if they had to suffer the persecution that would follow simply because they told the truth? Or, have others gossip because everytime a subject was broached they went silent or pretended not to hear.

kanzi monkey · May 17, 2012

We have to gay males in our orientation, as soon as they started talking everyone knew. One of them came to me and stated" You know I'm gay right?" I said, no really.....

What is the point?

Seas · May 17, 2012

[color=#ffa07a]it seems like it is not the others but you focusing on your sexual orientation at work. be professional and focus on your care only please. you don't have to let everyone know you are gay; especially the little kids. it is very ugly and inappropriate to discuss your sexual orientation with the patients. if anybody asks, give them short, conclusion answers and redirect the subject. yes, we should be honest, but not about our private lives if this will bring issues; honesty is for our patients and our work.]
how is it ugly and inappropriate? i understand it should be avoided...but ugly? and can someone explain to me what the deal is with the stars in the top right corner. oh, and the question i am asking is a professional question. are you insinuating that i am unproffesional because i think about my sexual orientation at work? you tell me to focus on care only...but is this possible? are you capable of focusing exclusively on care of patient? don't you think that this question dealing with whether or not i should divulge my sexual orientation to patients might at least partially stem from my desire to provide quality care for my patients?
the thing is, at the workplace, the focus is not you, it is the patient and their care. you are taking yourself too seriously. nobody will care what you are; and people most likely won't be asking you about such things about your private life. you are full of yourself, but again, the focus won't be you.

ionatan · May 17, 2012

The thing is, at the workplace, the focus is not you, it is the patient and their care. You are taking yourself too seriously. Nobody will care what you are; and people most likely won't be asking you about such things about your private life. You are full of yourself, but again, the focus won't be you.

I don't think LPNTO is the one who is full of himself, but that's just my take on it. "Nobody will care what you are" is being a bit unrealistic. Anyway, I think the people with at least half of a brain posting here have made the point quite clear and given pretty good advice.

allnurses Guide · May 17, 2012

LPNTO, As you're well aware, this can be explained over and over and over, but those who cannot listen cannot hear. What is ugly is that anyone could be so misinformed and so narrow-minded. They color everything they say with thinly veiled hatred.

I started about 4 responses to that comment and the one about "nobody will care" - yours states it most eloquently.

Patti_RN · May 17, 2012

The ironic part to this is, if not for those who judge, question, accuse, and belittle, gays and lesbians would be able to respond to talk about their partners and their lives in the same way the rest of us do.

Did it occur to those of you who questioned this man's motivation and actions that people like YOU are the very reason this is an issue? He would never have needed to ask the question in his original post if the world were free of bigotry and hate.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · May 17, 2012

How is it ugly and inappropriate? I understand it should be avoided...but ugly? And can someone explain to me what the deal is with the stars in the top right corner. Oh, and the question I am asking is a professional question. Are you insinuating that I am unprofessional because I think about my sexual orientation at work? You tell me to focus on care only...but is this possible? Are you capable of focusing EXCLUSIVELY on care of patient? Don't you think that this question dealing with whether or not I should divulge my sexual orientation to patients might at least partially stem from my desire to provide quality care for my patients?
If someone has answered this sorry.....the stars signify how many posts there are to the site. Bone are 1 to 1,000 silver 1,000 to 10,000 gold 10,000 and up. You can click on them as seen how long a member has belonged, how many posts a little history about the member and how many "likes"or "cheers" someone has. Your sexual preference has no bearing on the care of your patients.
My sexual preference has no bearing on my ability to care for my patients....so,to answer your question...... Yes, I am capable of focusing only on my patients care which has nothing what so ever to dowith my sexual preference. When I am at work it is all about the patient and nothing about me or who I sleep with. For the most part......people/patients really don't care who you sleep with as long as they are getting good care.....unless YOU decide to make it a big deal. Why stir the pot?
My knowledge, experience,my education affect my ability to care for patients......not who I like to cuddle with or have as a life partner.
You have been given some great advice. Leave your private life at home. GoodLuck!

LongislandRN23 · May 18, 2012

I have been working as an LPN for 1 1/2 years and really never thought much of this issue. I live in NY so even if I was to say i'm a hot flamming homesexual (which I would never do because it is not part of being a proffesional) it would not be a huge earth shattering deal. I have not been faced with a patient or a co-worker that plain out asked, nor would I think that would happen. I have had patients (A&Ox3) ask me "are you married?, do you have children?, tell me about your wife?" to which I reply "I am to young to be married or have have children" or I am single which is somewhat the truth at the moment.

As far as co-workers I do have some that I work on a regular basis and they talk about everything -- thier whole life story from here to timbuk too which i am fine with. I do not devulge too much maybe I talk about school, or something funny that happened to me today and what not. I make it an issue not to become close friends with my co-workers (due to bad expierences in the past). I am here to work, do my job, take care of my patients, get my paycheck and leave, NOT to make freinds.