Should a gay male LPN reveal his sexual orientation...

lumbarpain, ADN, RN · May 16, 2012

Once I start feeling comfortable with my staff and coworkers I tend TO BLAB about my life.....which I have been told time and time again NOT TO.. Sometimes it just feels good to open up to certain people, you sense a TRUST there. But, I would keep personal stuff under wraps....I wouldnt blab about my sexual preferences or dates with men....unless I am REAL CLOSE to someone. Its just too personal. Work is work and most work relationships (even patients) should respect your privacy. If you FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE about releasing that information about yourself ....DONT....your feelings are alerted you to something. IF IT FEELS RIGHT, I would still be a little weary about talking too much. Just have a guard up.....people are sneaky.

ionatan · May 16, 2012

If someone were going to fire a nurse simply for being gay, that would be really stupid. Regardless, I am gay and I don't discuss it at work with co-workers or patients. It's nobody's business. I live with a "guy" and I'm not married. If somebody can't take a hint, oh well. It's not that I'm embarassed or ashamed of it, I just know that people can be ignorant morons, so I don't talk about it. My personal life is separate from work for the most part, but I do try to relate to people and tell them a little bit enough so that they see me as a person, not just a "nurse" or "LPN" or butt-wiper.

lumbarpain, ADN, RN · May 16, 2012

A 10 year old can be redirected to another topic pretty easily. Distract them or make it look like you have to see someone or run to the bathroom to wash your hands,(BECAUSE ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO DO) Most times I think a kid will start asking you about why handwashing is so important if you stress it enough... , unless they are so focused on the Gay thing and their personal question, it just wont go away and are persistant about it. Which I find is annoying. If a 10 year old would ask me if I liked boys.. I wouldnt hesitate to say yes. But it depends upon what they are fishing for and how they may turn that around to suit themselves with their own answer. If a kid asked me if I were gay( which I am not) I would ask....what makes you ask me that?

And see what their answer is.... If I were wearing a rainbow colored bracelet, or acted a certain way that made him think that way, I would just say, Thats me!!!!!!

Stephalump · May 16, 2012

So, if I say yes...and the kid says whats her name...and my dates name is Fred...then what would I say?

Deflect, deflect, deflect!

I would never advise lying about anything along those lines, but you're in a professional environment, it's no one's business, and you're right...you "could" lose your job. Much like who you're voting to be President or your religious preferences. I'd just avoid answering the question all together.

Nurse Maru · May 16, 2012

Took me a while to come up with good stock answers to personal questions patients ask me. Top 2 questions I get "Are you married" and "Do you have kids?"

Would you mind very much sharing what you've come up with? I try very hard to be friendly, kind and compassionate with patients always - but I'm not as good as I'd like to be at being personable, while gently enforcing boundaries between myself and the patient.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · May 16, 2012

Would you mind very much sharing what you've come up with? I try very hard to be friendly, kind and compassionate with patients always - but I'm not as good as I'd like to be at being personable, while gently enforcing boundaries between myself and the patient.

Sometimes I think that patients ask this stuff as it seems like an "uneven" kind of relationship. We know every nuance of their lives, while they know nothing of ours. I always gently deflect if it is a personal question I choose not to answer. "Speaking of family, your husband is so kind, how nice, and married for 57 years WOW!" or...".your grandchildren are so well mannered!! You are fortunate!! Now, I am going to listen to your lungs"......etc.etc.

Happytocare · May 16, 2012

After 22 years of seeing and hearing everything, I beleive the best advice is to remain as professionall as possible. Although we live in a society that tolerates all walks of life; there are still some rigid thinkers out there that just can't wrap their heads aroud sexual orientation. Keep your answers to a minium and avoid talking about your personal life with your patients.

Patti_RN · May 16, 2012

Sadly, hetero people can openly talk about their love and the only issue for them is crossing the professional line of privacy/ distance. No matter how far we've come as a society (ah, well, maybe not that far at all...) we still have religious zealots and narrow mindedness who won't and can't accept differences.

If you choose to divulge personal information, it is your personal risk at stake. I didn't read all the comments, but it seems that most agree that you have nothing to gain and much to lose by sharing that you're gay.

I understand that for a 10 year old, this could be a 'teaching moment'. But, if the parents aren't open minded, they will tell the kid something different when you leave the room.

Seas · May 17, 2012

I dont get what being accepted as a gay in society has anything to do with talking about it at work. The OP is not asking if it is okay to be gay, he is asking if it is okay to talk about this at work. I don't care if you are heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. Do not talk to your patients about your sexual way, period. It has to do with professionalism, not narrow-mindedness.

ionatan · May 17, 2012

I dont get what being accepted as a gay in society has anything to do with talking about it at work. The OP is not asking if it is okay to be gay, he is asking if it is okay to talk about this at work. I don't care if you are heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. Do not talk to your patients about your sexual way, period. It has to do with professionalism, not narrow-mindedness.

Admitting you are gay is not exactly talking about your "sexual way," the same as a straight man mentioning his wife and kids is not talking about his sexuality. For the straight person it is very easy in society because you can mention your "girlfriend" or "wife" to people and you don't have to worry about consequences. If I mention my boyfriend, husband, fiance, whatever, its an entirely different ballgame. And yes, it does have everything to do with narrow-mindedness. Are you saying I can't be professional and an openly gay man? For instance, if my coworkers begin telling a gay joke or speaking about gays in a derogatory way, why shouldn't I be able to speak up and say that I'm offended? I'm sorry but this notion that gays should shut up and keep their lifestyles to themselves is such a double standard and hogwash. I don't go out of my way to tell people about my personal life at work, but I'm not going to stay "in the closet" to appease you either.

Patti_RN · May 17, 2012

Thank you ionatan! I was in the process of writing almost exactly what you said, only not as clearly or eloquently. The risks of sharing this information are far too great, and once done, it can never be taken back.

The issue really is that gay and lesbian professionals (or students, or neighbors, or anyone) can never share innocuous details of their life in the same way straight folks can. It goes from wearing a wedding ring, pretending their partner is actually a member of the opposite sex, or simply not being able to say, "Bob and I went out last night for our anniversary". These are the little bits of conversation that form friendships and create commonalities. It shouldn't be different for a gay man or lesbian woman, but it is.

Here it is, the year 2012 and this prejudice is alive and well... along with prejudices against racial, ethnic and religious minorities. I wish there were good advice for this situation. The only thing that would truly help is if hatred and prejudice disappeared.

LPNTO · May 17, 2012

[color=#ffa07a]it seems like it is not the others but you focusing on your sexual orientation at work. be professional and focus on your care only please. you don't have to let everyone know you are gay; especially the little kids. it is very ugly and inappropriate to discuss your sexual orientation with the patients. if anybody asks, give them short, conclusion answers and redirect the subject. yes, we should be honest, but not about our private lives if this will bring issues; honesty is for our patients and our work.]
how is it ugly and inappropriate? i understand it should be avoided...but ugly? and can someone explain to me what the deal is with the stars in the top right corner. oh, and the question i am asking is a professional question. are you insinuating that i am unproffesional because i think about my sexual orientation at work? you tell me to focus on care only...but is this possible? are you capable of focusing exclusively on care of patient? don't you think that this question dealing with whether or not i should divulge my sexual orientation to patients might at least partially stem from my desire to provide quality care for my patients?