Sexual harrassment or just an old creep?

[CBlover]

Ok yall so I need some insight. I've been working at my current job for almost 2 years. There is an older guy that works here, a pharmacist, in his 60s that has often chatted with me and I literally never thought anything of it. He's a very interesting individual. Used to work for the DEA part of FBI and raided drug neighborhoods and things of that sort. He was always friendly and spoke and I was friendly and spoke.

So now all of a sudden, it's dawned on me like, goodness he's down here a lot lately. Well he's coming down to my unit (ER) 4, 5, 6 times in a 12 hr shift and comes over and wants to talk. He's said "Hi beautiful" to me twice and once came up behind me a whispered really close to my face in what I consider a creepy way. He'll come down before his shift is over to say bye and talks to me like I'm his wife. It's embarrassing! My coworkers are like "Boy he's really on to you" and laugh. They'll even tell me if they see him so I can go hide somewhere. He looks for me they say, if he can't find me. I'm getting really tired of it and quite honestly I want him to go AWAY. I'm married in my 30s and am not interested dude. I am even giving him a straight face and he still isn't getting it. He said "You don't seem like yourself today. You're not as happy." Not only is it just getting old, I have work to do. what do yall think? I am overreacting??

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I don't think it's using your husband as an excuse. It's telling the truth. By saying I'm happily married, you tell the other person that you are not interested and will not ever be interested because you are in love with someone else.

I totally agree to be assertive and direct. Honestly though, maybe this guy just enjoys what he perceives as a friendship, or, he wants it to be more. It seems that they have had a decent friendship for months, he's just becoming more and more interested. I would be kind, but direct. I wouldn't want to hurt a friend's feelings.

WOW. Just WOW.

So if you don't have a spouse and/or aren't in love, it's OK for someone to give you unwanted attention? It *is* using your husband as an excuse. It's OK not to want the attention even if you aren't in love, married or otherwise "unavailable." You are unavailable if you're just not interested. And that alone ought to be enough.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Just tell him clearly, no hinting, that you appreciate his work friendship, but that you need him to realize that you are married and are not interested in any relationship beyond that. With anyone, not just with him.

Tell him that you want to be called only by your name and that you don't want him to whisper in your ear.

Tell him you are sorry if you confused him in any way and that you hope he will still be your friend at work.

Just don't pussyfoot around. Tell the man clearly - nicely but firmly - what the situation is. It is not fair to him to be less than kindly forthcoming.

And settle down and never flirt or play games with anyone. I'm not saying you did. Just understand that others, due to loneliness, ego, whatever, might misinterpret friendliness. Be more formal at work. It is, after all, work.

Good luck.

Do not rat the guy out unless he fails to change his ways.

You might want to start keeping a written record of dates and events in case you have to go to your boss or HR. I hope you won't have to.

Telling him that you're not interested because you are married IS "pussyfooting around." Not interested is reason enough.

[K9lover, ASN, RN]

Would it be less annoying from a young creep?

[applewhitern, BSN, RN]

Would it be less annoying from a young creep?

Good question. However, I am amazed that people are calling someone in their 60's "old." I am in my 60's and feel offended by that~ I still work full-time and am healthy. Heck, I can't even collect social security until I'm 66 1/2.

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

Good question. However, I am amazed that people are calling someone in their 60's "old." I am in my 60's and feel offended by that~ I still work full-time and am healthy. Heck, I can't even collect social security until I'm 66 1/2.

Well the fact I am 30 and he's in his 60s characterizes him as too old a date lol. Doesn't mean 60s is "old."

[CalicoKitty, BSN, MSN, RN]

Good question. However, I am amazed that people are calling someone in their 60's "old." I am in my 60's and feel offended by that~ I still work full-time and am healthy. Heck, I can't even collect social security until I'm 66 1/2.

I'm only in my 40s, and now I think of people (well, patients) in their 20s as "kids"... I figure when I'm in my 60s, I'll be thinking of them as "babies".. I'm sure I'm just an old lady now. Been switched from miss to "ma'am"...

[Davey Do]

I am amazed that people are calling someone in their 60's "old."

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[Tippyrn]

This is sexual harassment, for sure, I would tell him to leave me alone and I would complain to HR, they take these complaints very seriously in my state of Vermont

[Tippyrn]

And also yes he is creepy.

[Flatline, BSN, RN]

Would it be less annoying from a young creep?

Generally, it appears to be creepy only if you are not attracted to that person.

[Tomascz, ASN, RN]

Given the behavior described, and your feelings about it, I would say the contact is unwelcome and is causing you discomfort in your workplace. That coupled with the fact that he goes out of his way, now, to initiate those contacts, establishes elements for harassment. If you haven't already, you need to have a face to face conversation with this gentleman and be very clear that his behavior is making you uncomfortable, and that it is not welcome, and that you expect it to stop immediately. You can sugar that up if you want to but as far as I can tell, you don't owe him anything that looks like an apology or an explanation, and it's probably not a good precedent to set, for either of you. If he gets crappy about it, file a formal complaint. And talk to your supervisor about it. This is 2018 not 1978.