Lost my husband on Holiday Break

  1. I haven't been on here in awhile. I and my husband, an educator was enjoying our school Holiday Break-Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and New Years. But then without warning, on January 7, 2018, while preparing for bed, he collapsed in front of me. I did CPR and later with my oldest college son. My youngest college son called 911, EMS arrived within 7 minutes. I saw the flat line but thought I could get a miracle. About an hour later after working on him, they finally told us, we had did everything right. They had tried to help him as well but that unfortunately, he passed. ( I am still awaiting the death certificate cause of death. He was a diabetic for 25 years and had minor symptoms of CHF in the last year but was very active). I am still in shock and don't think I am living in the real world yet. So, here I am back at work, a week after the funeral because the school doesn't have paid bereavement days for the staff. Wow, I suddenly empathize with past and future survivors of lost loved ones. I wrote the board, but they only referred me to HR. I do have strong family support and old and new friend support. I feel better to be back at work 3 days away from the quiet house. Can anybody share any helpful advice? Thank you.
    Last edit by Dimple58 on Jan 24
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    About Dimple58, BSN, RN

    Joined: Jul '05; Posts: 301; Likes: 175


  3. by   BeckyESRN
    I am so sorry for your loss. :virtual hug:
  4. by   AdobeRN
    so sorry for your loss.
  5. by   Flare
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad to read that you have a strong support system of friends and family.

    I am wondering if you wouldn't qualify for time under the federal family and medical leave act. It covers leaves of work due to a serious medical condition that leaves the employee unable to do their current job. I would think that psycological recovery after such a traumatic loss may qualify. But then what do I know?
  6. by   kidzcare
    I am so sorry this has happened. My heart aches for your loss. I wish there were words that would ease the pain. I would say them.

    I don't know if I have advice that would be helpful. My family lost my father very suddenly 2.5 years ago. The roller coaster of emotions was a constant for a while. My family is very close and we spent a lot of time together that summer. Family day trips, a quick visit over to my see my mom, phone calls everyday. As time went on, there were days I didn't cry. Then there were weeks I didn't cry. Then there were milestones that caused a waterfall of tears, knowing that my dad would never know my kids and nieces as they entered jr high and celebrated more birthdays. There was laughter as my sisters and I remembered his boisterous laugh or the way he would achieve the attention in any room while trying to fade into the background.

    I don't know what path your grief will take. If you find comfort in family or faith, utilize those. If looking at pictures of him brings too much pain, then don't look yet. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss and hope that your pain eases.

    ETA- I now realize you probably were asking for advice regarding bereavement. I don't have any advice there. My eyes filled with tears over your loss (and how it reminded me of mine) and I went with that route
  7. by   NutmeggeRN
    Oh my, I am so sorry. (((hugs))) We are here for you. I have PMd you
  8. by   MrNurse(x2)
    Oh my, so sorry. I can't imagine losing my wife. I will be praying for peace and comfort for you and your family as you navigate the new and unwelcomed normal.
  9. by   GdBSN
    I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.
  10. by   OldDude
    OMG! Dimples...I don't have the words...what courage it took for you to share this with us! I can say with certainty none of us read this with a dry eye and all of us wish we could surround you with hugs and support. Kidz offers excellent advice. Allow yourself to grieve in the manner that fits you, take one day at a time, and have no expectations of how you "need" to be or "where" you are heading. I pray for God's Grace and strength to see you through this dark time. Amen.
  11. by   Eleven011
    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.
  12. by   cooties_are_real
    Prayers for your and your babies.
  13. by   pixierose
    I'm so, so sorry for your loss (((gentle hugs))).
  14. by   OyWithThePoodles
    I am so, so, so sorry. Love and prayers for you and your children.

    I would speak with your doctor to see if they could write for you to be off and see if it would qualify as short term disability, you need time to grieve. Oh, I am so sorry.