RN is he making a pass at me what will this do to my job

Published

I work at a hospital as a pharmaccy tech while I'm going to school for nursing. There is this ICU nurse who is very friendly to me such as telling me I smell good and I look pretty in pink. He hugs me too and rubs the middle of my back. He has never been this touchy with me but has always talked to me. He is older than me like 40 and I'm 22. He is a knock out too with his baby blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair. He has even said to me when I was refiling the pxyis hows my cute pharmacy tech and he looked away right after he said that. He also has whispered in my ear your so cute and he was so close that I could smell his after shave. will this affect my job him being so touchy with me at work while other co-workers are seeing this. Why would he be instered in me with the age gap being so far apart? What dose he want with me? Thanks

Specializes in ICU, ER, HH, NICU, now FNP.

The girlfriend is always viewed as the slut, the wife is the injured victim, and the guy is the stud...

Stinks - but thats how it goes down. I have watched this happen tooooooo many times. The girlfriend was always the one who ended up losing a job, friends, etc while the guy walked off scott free.

Tell him you would LOVE to date him - but not until he brings you finalized divorce papers and a house without "roommates".

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
---but not until he brings you finalized divorce papers and a house without "roommates".

Good example of a boundary. Well said.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
What PDA is being done here? He is not kissing me or all over me. Do you think he just wants to have sex with me and thats it. Just use me for sex and thats it, or do you really think he likes me? He is married but his wife and him just live as roomates. They would have gotten a divirce but she can't make it finacily. He is the bread winner. He was forced to marry her becuase he got her pregnant when he was 20 and she was 19. I will tell him to stop becuase I like my job and the peolpe I work with and I'm garenteed a job once I get out of nursing school.

Please tell me you didn't fall for the roomate story or the I-was-forced-to-get-married story. He sounds like a letch. Blech.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
He is married...you are an outsider to this marriage. Enough said. And who is to say he hasn't done this before or will dump you for another and still remain married. Regardless, it does speak of his character. You can do better than this. You also deserve better than this. Focus on yourself, your school, and your job. Set a professional AND personal boundary. In your gut, you already know he would be poison to you.

I wish you the best.

Wolfy

think about the word''CRUSH"!!!

YOUR YOUNG AND I'M SURE HE IS BETTING NIEVE!!!!

My rule of thunb is if your willing to stand up in a crowd and say yes I did that then your most likely doing the right thing if you don't want to stand up and say so it most likely is not the smart thing to do.Good luck to you and watch out for all the wolf's in sheeps clothing!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.

"Wolf in sheep's clothing" :uhoh3:

I take no offense in the use of my name (Wolf), Fairytales.

But, the analogy is a good one.

:)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
So he telling me a bunch of crap by saying he staying married becuase his wife can't make it on her own. I will tell him tomorrow when I have to work that I just wan to be friends. he does know that I just got out of a long term relationship so before this he has never made any advances towards me. Do you think he just sex from me and thats it? If it does blow up how will he get off scott free and I won't?

And you need to be FIRM when you do. No, "You know, like I think we should just be friends, ok?" What you say needs to be direct, otherwise I have a feeling that this guy might not get that you're not interested. Something like "I am not interested in having a relationship of any kind other than friendships. I would ask you to please refrain from hugging and making inappropriate comments to me. I hope you understand that it makes me feel (uncomfortable, weird, etc)."

I've seen this type of guy, I'd put money that he is just interested in sex. Please be careful.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

you can't win. Get away from this guy---FAR away.

If advances continue, tell him to STOP in NO uncertain terms. If after you have told him to stop, and he does not, report him to HR for harassment.

But make sure you were crystal-clear. No flirty or confusing behavior on your part. No letting him rub your back or touch you in any way. You have to be clear and unemotional when you tell him this cannot go on any longer.

End of story. You can't win, having anything to do w/him. So don't. You are there to work, love life belongs OUTSIDE the confines of the work place. This guy knows this, but is betting you don't. Prove him wrong.

Good luck.

I think we have offered you all the advice we can here on this thread. Now, it's up to you to ACT.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.
you can't win. Get away from this guy---FAR away.

If advances continue, tell him to STOP in NO uncertain terms. If after you have told him to stop, and he does not, report him to HR for harassment.

But make sure you were crystal-clear. No flirty or confusing behavior on your part. No letting him rub your back or touch you in any way. You have to be clear and unemotional when you tell him this cannot go on any longer.

End of story. You can't win, having anything to do w/him. So don't. You are there to work, love life belongs OUTSIDE the confines of the work place. This guy knows this, but is betting you don't. Prove him wrong.

Good luck.

I think we have offered you all the advice we can here on this thread. Now, it's up to you to ACT.

Definitely agree with Deb. I too wish you the best of luck and that you will make a decision wisely. :icon_hug:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I don't even think a friendship is feasible with this guy. HE WILL ALWAYS TRY TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

Really, would you really want to be friends with someone you know will try to pull the wool over your eyes (in this case, he's already tried it by saying his wife is "just a roommate"; what a crock!).

I've heard of a lot of men having affairs, and always saying they'll leave their wives, but they never do.

Don't trust him; he's trouble. Don't screw up your chances of becoming a nurse for the sake of a stupid fling. Stay away from that turd!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have a story to tell and you can take it for what it is .

When I was 19 I joined the Army and was sent to Germany for my first duty station. While I was there I was deployed to Hungary/Bosnia. My first day at camp I met this guy. He was cute and I kind of went a little gaga over him. Anyway we ended up hooking up. He was about 2-3 years older than me. Anyway I knew he had a daughter but he told me he was divorced. I fell head over heels in love with him. When we were sent home I found out that he seriously lied to me. He was not divorced and his wife was very high up in the Family support group and did so many things for our company. I was destroyed, but what was worse is my head told me one thing but my heart told me something totally different and I was young and dumb and naive when he told me that things were not good between the two of them and he wanted to get a divorce but it was not that simple because of where we were stationed. Anyway I listened to my heart and I listened to his lies and continued to see him and really didn't think much about it because he was getting divorced after all. All of our frends knew we were seeing each other. I had a heart to heart with one of our friends who told me to end it before it destroyed not only my heart but my job (And at the time what I thought would be my career) I took a 30 day leave and came back to the states so that I could clear my head as well as my heart. It was during my leave that I met my true love the man I have now been married to for 7.5 years.

The married guy I was seeing is still married to the same woman they now have 3 children and he has cheated on her 2 more times since me. I don't know if she ever knew about the relationship between her husband and me, but I can say that it has been 0ver 8 years since I have seen or spoken to him and the guilt is still heavy on my heart.

All I can say is thank God I had people who cared enough about me to help me see that it was nothing but a big game with him and all the while he was having the best of both worlds. My friend who told me to end it is the one who paid for my plane ticket home and he could not have given me a greater gift.

Listen to your head ;) And one more thing to think about is if he is willing to cheat on his wife (I am another that doesn't buy the roomate theory) with you what would he do to you?

Good luck

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, Foot Care, Rehab.

there is this icu nurse who is very friendly to me such as telling me i smell good and i look pretty in pink. are those the reasons you want a man to love you? how about your brains and personality?

why would he be instered in me with the age gap being so far apart? as you age (and mature) you will learn that all men like younger women, whether they're 40, 50, 60, 70, or 80.

he hugs me too and rubs the middle of my back. this truly is sexual harassment. even if he were your husband and you worked side by side, he should not be doing that at work. it's unprofessional and you can bet that all the nurses notice and most likely think it's pretty rude and disgusting, especially us middle-aged ones who don't smell so good, haha.

he is married but his wife and him just live as roommates. are you really interested in a man who would treat his wife like this, and disrespect her by discussing her with workmates in this manner? it could be you in her shoes, getting pregnant and then losing all your cuteness in his opinion!!

i will tell him tomorrow when i have to work that i just wan to be friends. i really doubt he wants to be your friend. how much would you have in common as friends? stick to people your own peer group. be prepared for a very cold shoulder from this guy, and live and learn.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
What PDA is being done here? He is not kissing me or all over me. Do you think he just wants to have sex with me and thats it. Just use me for sex and thats it, or do you really think he likes me? He is married but his wife and him just live as roomates. They would have gotten a divirce but she can't make it finacily. He is the bread winner. He was forced to marry her becuase he got her pregnant when he was 20 and she was 19. I will tell him to stop becuase I like my job and the peolpe I work with and I'm garenteed a job once I get out of nursing school.

and who pray tell told you this? IF this info came from him consider it EXTREMELY suspect. Also whether or not he is "just roomates" with his wife, the fact remains that he is MARRIED! He is already setting you up with the "i can't leave my wife because i am such a stand-up guy" routine. There is NO FUTURE for this sort of relationship. Unless you basically just want to be used, you need to stay away from him.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion