RN is he making a pass at me what will this do to my job

Editorial Team / Admin · Sep 1, 2005

I work at a hospital as a pharmaccy tech while I'm going to school for nursing. There is this ICU nurse who is very friendly to me such as telling me I smell good and I look pretty in pink. He hugs me too and rubs the middle of my back. He has never been this touchy with me but has always talked to me. He is older than me like 40 and I'm 22. He is a knock out too with his baby blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair. He has even said to me when I was refiling the pxyis hows my cute pharmacy tech and he looked away right after he said that. He also has whispered in my ear your so cute and he was so close that I could smell his after shave. will this affect my job him being so touchy with me at work while other co-workers are seeing this. Why would he be instered in me with the age gap being so far apart? What dose he want with me? Thanks

What does he want with someone younger that he?..............?......?

If you are truly bothered by his advances, which, that is exactly what it is, then you need to put a stop to them. You obviously are intrigued by him, "baby blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair, smelling his after shave"......Put a stop to it now. As for your job, yes, you could lose your job and I can just about assure you that others notice both parties behavior.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Sep 1, 2005

In the words of advertising,

JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!!

heaven in your eyes · Sep 1, 2005

What does he want with someone younger that he?..............?......?
If you are truly bothered by his advances, which, that is exactly what it is, then you need to put a stop to them. You obviously are intrigued by him, "baby blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair, smelling his after shave"......Put a stop to it now. As for your job, yes, you could lose your job and I can just about assure you that others notice both parties behavior.

What I ment by saying what dose he want with someone younger than he is that why would he even make advances to me when he knows how young I am. Your right I am interged by him and getting a crush on him by the attention. How do I put a stop to this without him being mad at me or having an akward thing everytime I see him on the floor. Why would he even go after me?

Schoolnursetrish39 · Sep 1, 2005

Because he is 40 and you are 22,???? Don't be coy :uhoh3:

What he is doing is sexual harrassment to some people and if you don't welcome it say so and if you do you better cool it at work because people will notice and it could lead to the loss of both your jobs.Perhaps if you don't like it put a stop to it by taking to your manager that is what they are there for. You are playing with fire. He's probably going through a midlife crisis perhaps and maybe married. Men act like that sometimes because they can and it happens to women and nurses of all ages. I find it personally irritating because it not being respectful of a co-worker and is belittling, IMHO. Be careful...

What I ment by saying what dose he want with someone younger than he is that why would he even make advances to me when he knows how young I am. Your right I am interged by him and getting a crush on him by the attention. How do I put a stop to this without him being mad at me or having an akward thing everytime I see him on the floor. Why would he even go after me?

rn/writer, RN · Sep 1, 2005

What I ment by saying what dose he want with someone younger than he is that why would he even make advances to me when he knows how young I am. Your right I am interged by him and getting a crush on him by the attention. How do I put a stop to this without him being mad at me or having an akward thing everytime I see him on the floor. Why would he even go after me?

The first thing you do to put a stop to it is get things straight in your own head. If you are giving US a double message--and believe me, you are--I can only imagine what you are giving him. What are your priorities? If this job is important to you, it's time to get tough with yourself and put a stop to all this foreplay. If you are really interested in this guy (more about that later), then find a different job so you can indulge your romantic fantasies with creating ethical problems.

Personally, I wouldn't have much respect for a guy who behaves the way this man is behaving. He's taking advantage of your youth and playing sexual games on the job. If he were really interested in you as a person, as opposed to you as a cute little tech who smells good, he would act like an adult and treat you like one too.

You may be young but you are old enough to behave like a professional. Respect yourself. Do not risk your job for a frivolous, sexually-loaded encounter with someone who is acting like a junior high Romeo.

As for how you tell him to back off without getting him mad at you, you'll have a much easier time with that when you stop being double-minded. This isn't about whether he's mad at you or not. You are not, I repeat NOT, in a relationship with this man. You work together, period. Unless you allow it to progress to something more and then you are as much to blame as he is.

If you decide that you deserve better than a workplace flirtation, you say, "I really have to apologize to you. I've been giving you mixed signals and now I need to be clear. I am here to work. I want to be a capable and diligent employee and I've let myself get distracted. Please, don't make any more personal comments about my appearance. Again, I apologize for behaving in a confusing manner. I'm clear about my goals now. Thanks for listening."

He could have any of a dozen reactions, but his response is his choice.

It must be very flattering to receive this kind of attention from an older man, but it's not worth the price YOU would pay if things turned ugly. Please, get your grits together and, despite the crush, keep your mind on the aspects of your job that will really benefit you.

Miranda

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Sep 1, 2005

You are both adults, so the age difference means little (to me).

It seems as though this is a mutual thing, so there's no problem there. (He's not making unwanted advances).

Are you comfortable with a "personal" (outside of work) relationship with this man?........................If YES, then I think you should arrange a date with him. Nothing serious, just coffee or whatever so that the two of you can talk. At this 'date', you should insist that "personal" matters remain PERSONAL, and work is WORK. Set that up from the get-go. If he's atleast semi-normal, he should understand.

Would you rather NOT have a "personal" relationship with this man? (Seriously - and you need to be sure about this, not saying no and then allowing this in the future..NO means NO...This goes both ways!!).........If this is the case, then I would think you should find time at work to pull this person aside and tell him PRIVATELY how you feel. Ask him how he is feeling, and tell him how you are feeling. This is a conversation that you cannot engage at work??...Not enough time??....Then ask him out for something to eat after work, and explain it to him then. TALK to the man. If he's decent, you'll probably make a great friend. If he's a creep, atleast you'll know. Either way, be open and honest. This may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will get better as your dialogue progresses, and it is a part of being an ADULT.

Looks like the ball is in your court. YOU need to make a decision, and handle it in a responsible manner.

Good Luck

Works2xs · Sep 1, 2005

Makes me think of a quote from the movie, "Moonstruck". The character played by Olympia Dukakis had the ultimate phrase for just the sort of situation the OP is speaking of: "Don't [crap] where you eat." In other words, trysts have a nasty way of poisoning the very environment that you count on for putting food on the table.

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Sep 1, 2005

How many life-long, happily married couples have met AT WORK??

Anybody in LTC??.........I know you folks hear about some of this stuff, as do others in this profession.

People are people..........Doesn't matter to me where I meet 'em......They're still people.

EDIT to add: I'm not trying to attack the previous poster, just to add a different (my) view point.

Obviously, professional matters need to be handled accordingly. Adults need to act like ADULTS...........And PROFESSIONALISM ALWAYS COMES FIRST AT WORK.

smk1, LPN · Sep 1, 2005

What I ment by saying what dose he want with someone younger than he is that why would he even make advances to me when he knows how young I am. Your right I am interged by him and getting a crush on him by the attention. How do I put a stop to this without him being mad at me or having an akward thing everytime I see him on the floor. Why would he even go after me?

ok, so the question is do you want to go out with him, start a relationship or "anything else"\? If so then you can invite him out, or suggest getting together outside of work. Having said that, the PDA MUST STOP! It is inappropriate for the workplace and will lead to a loss of respect for you and your position. If he doesn't stop after you have asked hime to then a sexual harrasment claim must be filled out to Human resources/and your boss/his boss. Even if you aren in a relationship with someone at work, there shouldn't be any unprofessional behavior. Good luck... oh and I think most of us know what a 40 yr old man wants with a 22 yr old lady. if you think pretty hard on it you will know too. :imbar

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Sep 1, 2005

Either way said, date him or not, some boundaries need to be put into place. It is difficult to work in an environment where one jumps back and forth on the issue. The first boundary needs to be clear in your own mind where YOU stand with this man. The second is to communicate it to him. The third is that regardless of your choice, it is and is often seen as inappropriate at work. You have received some good feed back from the posters. I hope we helped.

oldnurse newnurse · Sep 1, 2005

well at the hospital where I work I know plenty of people who date but keep it professional at work I even know plenty of married couples that met at my job University of Chicago Hospitals I don't know where you guys are from but here in Illinois it's okay to date co-workers just keep it professional at work and find out if he's married before you get involved. Nerver mess with a married man me and my husband are divorced now but he is 11 years older than me nothing is wrong with two consenting legal age adults dating. If you want it and it's safe (he's not married) then why not go for it but keep it cordial at work remeber you are a professional.