It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.
Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire
It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.
I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."
In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.
I worked in a place where I was expected to work all of the holidays because "every other evening and night shift nurse was a single mom"...I did a double shift (1400-0600) the day before Thanksgiving and the day of Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I also worked the night of the facility Christmas party (the logic there was that I did not drink alcohol and wine was served at the party). I had awesome pay checks in December and January and I quit the following March.
Very few of us went to nursing school not anticipating that we would have to work holidays, weekends, etc...if we did, we either had no intnetion of doing bedside nursing or we were trying to fool ourselves. You KNOW when you take a job that the facility operates 24/7 adn you should be aware that everyone has to do their share...I should not have been stuck with every holiday simply because I have a husband...nor should anyone be stuck with every holiday because they do not have children. It is not my fault that circumstances in your life left you with no one to care for your children on holidays if you have to work and I am just as entitled to have a holiday off as anyone else. I will work my share of holidays without complaint...my family and I will celebrate on another day...
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
Wow - this thread is really kind of depressing. Just shows once again why nurses will never overcome the obstacles in their path. Where is the unity? There has to be a way to meet everyone's needs if all parties would be flexible and compassionate and do their share. Dragging admin. into the squabbles just helps them keep us where we are. Bummer.
Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.
Wow - this thread is really kind of depressing. Just shows once again why nurses will never overcome the obstacles in their path. Where is the unity? There has to be a way to meet everyone's needs if all parties would be flexible and compassionate and do their share. Dragging admin. into the squabbles just helps them keep us where we are. Bummer.
Try explaining that to someone who looks you square in the eye and says,
"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!"
OR (my personal fav)
"Your Muslim.....why do you need off for Christmas?"
I can unite and reason with someone who is not ignorant.
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
I would have no problem explaining to them that I had done my fair share and earned my time off. End of discussion. If you don't feed the beast it will die.
I would have no problem explaining to them that I had done my fair share and earned my time off. End of discussion. If you don't feed the beast it will die.
I generally agree with that philosophy, but here it is 10 days before Xmas and I am STILL getting snide comments, eye rolls and whining from some coworkers because I have Xmas off and they don't. I have ignored some comments and answered other ones with honesty sometimes being tactful, sometimes not. I do get tired of it since it's been going on since the Xmas schedule came out in early November. This beast isn't going to die until January it seems.:chuckle It won't ruin my holiday though, I am sooooooo excited to go home and spend the time with family and friends I haven't seen in months.
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
I didn't say it would be easy. Many a time I have wanted to make a comment back, but that just feeds the fire and escalates everything. Sometimes I just have to remember that they are co-workers not my friends. I want an amiable supportive relationship, but you have to do your best with what is available! I also have to remember what is truly important to me. Co-workers come and go, but loved ones are the important ones. When i feel stressed I just must remind myself. Home - mortgage paid. Family - alive and well. Deep breath - none of the rest of thie crap matters that much and i shouldn't give it that kind of power over me. Now I have had a few real buddies and for them if we have something important we would help each other out. It must be on both sides. Those folks i would do anything for. Have a great holiday Fregus!
Totally off thread but how do you approach someone to let your child crash thier Christmas? I might have to do that someday, but I want to do it tactfuly. Any suggestions?
Back in my days as a single mom of two and and a full time nurse, my "family" where I lived had two branches: one at work and one at church. I was (and am) very close to some of those people even now, 25 years later and living in yet another state. At work, we all knew each others schedule and in that place the scheduling went like this: you worked the Christmas holidays OR the Thanksgiving holidays, so that every other year for ever you could schedule a trip "back home" if you wanted to go. When you have to work one day in each holiday time, people who live more than 300 miles from their families can never go home for the holidays. Talk about discrimination! Where's the love you might show now for someone in that boat? but I digress.
So on my Christmas and Christmas Eve to work, someone from my church or work families (or both) would ask me if they could HAVE my children over for the day or sometimes even both days. Since I worked eves, I sometimes even took their stockings with me to work, hung by the fireplace at my friend's house, and crashed there for the night myself. So my kids learned at an early age, it wasn't WHERE you had Christmas, or WHEN you had Christmas, but HOW you had it and the SPIRIT in your heart. And sometimes we had Christmas on December 29th if it happened that their father came to get them that year. (Which didn't happen very often, but it did happen once in a while.)
Later, when I met and married a pilot, he "tested" us to see how it would be if he was gone for a holiday, a birthday or whatever. We all just sort of laughed at this, since we'd been working around issues like that for long time. Needless to say, 20 years later, we're still together, and since we are both away from our parents, on holidays, we either go to a neighbor family or they come here. Our favorite is Christmas morning brunch, every one in their jammies. Christmas is what you make of it. You can make it wonderful or just the opposite. You own attitude toward it, and taking responsibility for making it work for you, instead of expecting other people to make it work for you is the key. I would encourage you to reach out to others in the spirit of true friendship and I'd be surprised if those people don't reach out to you in return, once they realize you are sincere.
I would have no problem explaining to them that I had done my fair share and earned my time off. End of discussion. If you don't feed the beast it will die.
And had the person who ranted to me "what do YOU need Christmas off for? You don't HAVE kids!" afforded me coutesy instead of making her rude statement, she would have gotten the same courtesy in return.
Shouldn't have had to explain to her WHY i wanted the day off, it was none of her business. However, like i've said more than once here, the never would have been an issue had she not asked what i NEEDED Christmas off for, since i don't have kids.
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
No, you shouldn't have to, and I don't blame you for bieng ticked. I just don't want that kind of interaction to be where I expend my energy. If most stuck together she would soon find that kind of statement/crap was unaceptable by the majority. That would have impact.
Wow - this thread is really kind of depressing. Just shows once again why nurses will never overcome the obstacles in their path. Where is the unity? There has to be a way to meet everyone's needs if all parties would be flexible and compassionate and do their share. Dragging admin. into the squabbles just helps them keep us where we are. Bummer.
I don't really think there is a way to meet everyone's needs...I just think we all need to remember that we all should have known what we were getting ourselves into when we wento to nursing school. As nurses, we all know that someone has to work the holidays and that we all must take our turns to get the job done. If people are able to change shifts to help others out, that is wonderful, but it should never be demanded or expected. We all need to have a mutual respect for each other and work together...
Response to people who wondered about reason for reporting earlier incident... just sounded to me like the co-worker was rude, never mind bringing that up in front of a patient. that's just my reasoning but I can understand those who'd confront the co-worker as well. that does make sense. sometimes I don't think straight about things before I post. but if after talking with that nurse, it wasn't resolved then yeah, I'd report it. Like ASW said, discussions related to religion can get very heated and hurtful quickly esp when someone's in a minority religion r/t those around them.
Luckily, my workplace seems to be free of arguments about the Christmas schedule... that I've heard. Seems like they made the effort for everyone to have at least 3 days in a row off right around this time, to spend w/family. And as a single gal I haven't had any grumblings about it like some of you have experienced...
I think with some of these rude people I'd have to give the "very hard stare" a la Paddington, and say no. It's all in the way of asking, and mutual respect. That, I think is well agreed here.
We keep the prior year's schedule/holidays-worked list. Those who did not work Christmas last year, get to the next, and those who did not work Thanksgiving, can expect to, the next year.
But no special consideration/treatment is given people with kids over the holidays, any more than those who are either childfree or have grown ones. And senior nurses don't get to stick the junior ones with ALL the holidays. Everyone has to work her share. It works fine for us.
Way our facility works as well.........
Hmmm I knew that when I got into nursing I would be working, nights, weekends, and holidays whether I was single or married, children or childless ...seems to like the person would know it too. What a rude and assuming person this is............
Hmmm I knew that when I got into nursing I would be working, nights, weekends, and holidays whether I was single or married, children or childless ...seems to like the person would know it too. What a rude and assuming person this is............
flashpoint
1,327 Posts
I worked in a place where I was expected to work all of the holidays because "every other evening and night shift nurse was a single mom"...I did a double shift (1400-0600) the day before Thanksgiving and the day of Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I also worked the night of the facility Christmas party (the logic there was that I did not drink alcohol and wine was served at the party). I had awesome pay checks in December and January and I quit the following March.
Very few of us went to nursing school not anticipating that we would have to work holidays, weekends, etc...if we did, we either had no intnetion of doing bedside nursing or we were trying to fool ourselves. You KNOW when you take a job that the facility operates 24/7 adn you should be aware that everyone has to do their share...I should not have been stuck with every holiday simply because I have a husband...nor should anyone be stuck with every holiday because they do not have children. It is not my fault that circumstances in your life left you with no one to care for your children on holidays if you have to work and I am just as entitled to have a holiday off as anyone else. I will work my share of holidays without complaint...my family and I will celebrate on another day...