It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.
Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire
It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.
I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."
In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.
Totally off thread but how do you approach someone to let your child crash thier Christmas? I might have to do that someday, but I want to do it tactfuly. Any suggestions?
Back in my days as a single mom of two and and a full time nurse, my "family" where I lived had two branches: one at work and one at church. I was (and am) very close to some of those people even now, 25 years later and living in yet another state. At work, we all knew each others schedule and in that place the scheduling went like this: you worked the Christmas holidays OR the Thanksgiving holidays, so that every other year for ever you could schedule a trip "back home" if you wanted to go. When you have to work one day in each holiday time, people who live more than 300 miles from their families can never go home for the holidays. Talk about discrimination! Where's the love you might show now for someone in that boat? but I digress.
So on my Christmas and Christmas Eve to work, someone from my church or work families (or both) would ask me if they could HAVE my children over for the day or sometimes even both days. Since I worked eves, I sometimes even took their stockings with me to work, hung by the fireplace at my friend's house, and crashed there for the night myself. So my kids learned at an early age, it wasn't WHERE you had Christmas, or WHEN you had Christmas, but HOW you had it and the SPIRIT in your heart. And sometimes we had Christmas on December 29th if it happened that their father came to get them that year. (Which didn't happen very often, but it did happen once in a while.)
Later, when I met and married a pilot, he "tested" us to see how it would be if he was gone for a holiday, a birthday or whatever. We all just sort of laughed at this, since we'd been working around issues like that for long time. Needless to say, 20 years later, we're still together, and since we are both away from our parents, on holidays, we either go to a neighbor family or they come here. Our favorite is Christmas morning brunch, every one in their jammies. Christmas is what you make of it. You can make it wonderful or just the opposite. You own attitude toward it, and taking responsibility for making it work for you, instead of expecting other people to make it work for you is the key. I would encourage you to reach out to others in the spirit of true friendship and I'd be surprised if those people don't reach out to you in return, once they realize you are sincere.
What an uplifting account. Very holiday, very christmas spirit. You are an example to us all.
....Oh my god after reading this post....I almost cried because the other day @ work one of my co-workers basically told me it was unfair I got Christmas off even though I don't celebrate it!!! I am a muslim! I guess because I offered to work thanksgiving, Mngt just gave me this day off. In any case I had already switched days with a co-worker of mine who asked me (nicely) to switch days with her.
The thing that really upset me the most was that I always switch Thanksgiven & Christmas with my friends at work because it means SO much to them & for me it's like any other day. by the way she also said this to me as I was inside a pt's room doing 'stuff' & so I couldn't really respond @ the time. No, I don't think he heard her. Just sharing:wink2:
Anyway I wish u all happy holidays with your loved ones.
How can people who have built a career out of caring and compassion be so greedy, rude and insensitive. Someone should take your co-worker aside and open up a can of stern talking-to. SHEESH!
I have a family and I have kids who are grown now, but for 30 years I've done my share of working the holidays at the same facility. Last year I was off Christmas so this year I'm working it. I worked Thanksgiving last year and this year. I requested New Year's off, but yesterday I found out that I'm working. So this year I get no holidays with my family. I can't even complain to anyone about it because our UM resigned yesterday and the assistant UM is on vacation until after the first. So you all enjoy your holidays off with your families. At least my check will look real good, but money can't really replace being with my family on the holidays.
Face to face will only get you so far and can create unwanted drama and escalate into verbal/physical violence........ESPECIALLY when you are talking about religion! Just look at how heated and thriving this debate has been at times......
ASW... What was your suggestion to me regarding the smelly nurse? :)
One of the issues that does stick out like a sore thumb on these boards is it seems like all too often the answer is, "Report them!" It strikes me as being a tattletale most of the time. "I'm tell'en MOM!!" ... kind of attitude.
If we are professionals we should behave as such and running to the floor mommy for every comment we don't like is nonproductive and causes animosity. It just isn't a great way to handle everything.
In an earlier thread you wrote that there is religious persecution in this country. I enjoy posting on lots of religion boards because I like learning about other religions. I have yet to go to ANY board with ANY belief and they don't feel they are the ones being persecuted. The Catholics, the Baptists, the Jews, the Muslims, the atheists, the agnostics, the Wiccans, the New Agers,... the list goes on. EVERY religion has those that feel they are the ones persecuted.
Perhaps instead of feeling persecuted or running around reporting everyone (not saying you, I'm speaking in general terms) we should try harder to understand where others are coming from and THEN talk to them.
I'm sorry to disagree with you since I do so rarely, but I don't think religion is more of a "tip toe" around it topic than the type of odor the smelly nurse has. I just don't agree that one is more sensitive than another yet you feel the religious issue should be reported but the smelly issue (complaints from patients, staff, etc) should be handled very differently. See what I mean?
I think we all have our own pet topics. Issues that mean more to us than other issues. I think we need to keep that in mind before running to the floor mommy with each comment that we don't agree with.
One of the issues that does stick out like a sore thumb on these boards is it seems like all too often the answer is, "Report them!" It strikes me as being a tattletale most of the time. "I'm tell'en MOM!!" ... kind of attitude.
If we are professionals we should behave as such and running to the floor mommy for every comment we don't like is nonproductive and causes animosity. It just isn't a great way to handle everything.
First off, i don't have a floor mommy, i have a supervisor, but i'll reply anyway.
Second, the main reason i take things to the higher up (whoever's charge that day) is so there is a witness to a conversation, and not "tattletailing". To confront someone one-on-one risks the possibility of a he-said-she-said sort of situation, which i fully want to avoid, simply because i don't have the time for it.
Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.
ASW... What was your suggestion to me regarding the smelly nurse? :)
One of the issues that does stick out like a sore thumb on these boards is it seems like all too often the answer is, "Report them!" It strikes me as being a tattletale most of the time. "I'm tell'en MOM!!" ... kind of attitude.
If we are professionals we should behave as such and running to the floor mommy for every comment we don't like is nonproductive and causes animosity. It just isn't a great way to handle everything.
In an earlier thread you wrote that there is religious persecution in this country. I enjoy posting on lots of religion boards because I like learning about other religions. I have yet to go to ANY board with ANY belief and they don't feel they are the ones being persecuted. The Catholics, the Baptists, the Jews, the Muslims, the atheists, the agnostics, the Wiccans, the New Agers,... the list goes on. EVERY religion has those that feel they are the ones persecuted.
Perhaps instead of feeling persecuted or running around reporting everyone (not saying you, I'm speaking in general terms) we should try harder to understand where others are coming from and THEN talk to them.
I'm sorry to disagree with you since I do so rarely, but I don't think religion is more of a "tip toe" around it topic than the type of odor the smelly nurse has. I just don't agree that one is more sensitive than another yet you feel the religious issue should be reported but the smelly issue (complaints from patients, staff, etc) should be handled very differently. See what I mean?
I think we all have our own pet topics. Issues that mean more to us than other issues. I think we need to keep that in mind before running to the floor mommy with each comment that we don't agree with.
Here is the difference. For one, I am Catholic and I have felt religious persecution living here in the Southern Baptist Bilbe belt so perhaps I am a little sensitive to the issue. Fair Enough. But with your friend, the smelly co-worker, her issue was something that could affect any race, any creed, a true medical issue....Face to face seemed the best way to approach such a sensitive topic that unlike religion, you do not want to speak about in front of a crowd of people.
I have explained already why I feel it was necessary to report the nurse that said the other co-worker did not need Christmas off because of her being Muslim. And I stand by my decision. I don't need a "mommy" to fight my battles for me (believe me....probably need one to hold me back sometimes lol), but I don't need my personal life/values/religion being questioned/challenged in front of a patient. Some statesments are just too ignorant to deserve a response, yet to offensive to let it blow over.....in this case I feel that this nurse needed to be educated by someone in a position of authority regarding cultural sensitivity and respect. Does she treat her patient's like this? What if the pt in the room was also Muslim? Especially, if she is already hot because she thinks a Muslim is trying to interfere with her getting to spend Christmas with her kids...probably wouldn't be very receptive.
ETA: I also wanted to add this, but had to run off real quick to get last min gifts........if this nurse ends up in management with this type of attitude, she may show favoritism in her own scheduling/disputes. As devout I am a Christian in my personal beliefs, and as much as I would want Christmas off to celebrate with my (future) children, I still realize that the world does not revolve around me and I must not resort to calling someone out on their reasons/religious affiliations when I do not get my way. It is narrow minded, immature, and disrespectful. With heated topics such as religion it is usually necessary to have a mediator that can see both sides.
ASW... What was your suggestion to me regarding the smelly nurse? :)
One of the issues that does stick out like a sore thumb on these boards is it seems like all too often the answer is, "Report them!" It strikes me as being a tattletale most of the time. "I'm tell'en MOM!!" ... kind of attitude.
If we are professionals we should behave as such and running to the floor mommy for every comment we don't like is nonproductive and causes animosity. It just isn't a great way to handle everything.
In an earlier thread you wrote that there is religious persecution in this country. I enjoy posting on lots of religion boards because I like learning about other religions. I have yet to go to ANY board with ANY belief and they don't feel they are the ones being persecuted. The Catholics, the Baptists, the Jews, the Muslims, the atheists, the agnostics, the Wiccans, the New Agers,... the list goes on. EVERY religion has those that feel they are the ones persecuted.
Perhaps instead of feeling persecuted or running around reporting everyone (not saying you, I'm speaking in general terms) we should try harder to understand where others are coming from and THEN talk to them.
I'm sorry to disagree with you since I do so rarely, but I don't think religion is more of a "tip toe" around it topic than the type of odor the smelly nurse has. I just don't agree that one is more sensitive than another yet you feel the religious issue should be reported but the smelly issue (complaints from patients, staff, etc) should be handled very differently. See what I mean?
I think we all have our own pet topics. Issues that mean more to us than other issues. I think we need to keep that in mind before running to the floor mommy with each comment that we don't agree with.
I say take your days off and enjoy your time with your relatives. This other nurse may have wanted the day off but was out of line in her remarks. Schedules are made to attempt to treat everyone fairly. I don't have kids but I have plans on Christmas day, unless you count my 25 year old significant other as a child. I work 11-7 on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and have to go to his moms and my uncles on the 25th, I had to do the same thing on thanksgiving. I have sworn for three years that this will be the last christmas I work, we'll see. He and I are both talking about looking for other employment. But just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't need time off.
Here is the difference. For one, I am Catholic and I have felt religious persecution living here in the Southern Baptist Bilbe belt so perhaps I am a little sensitive to the issue. Fair Enough. But with your friend, the smelly co-worker, her issue was something that could affect any race, any creed, a true medical issue....Face to face seemed the best way to approach such a sensitive topic that unlike religion, you do not want to speak about in front of a crowd of people.
I have explained already why I feel it was necessary to report the nurse that said the other co-worker did not need Christmas off because of her being Muslim. And I stand by my decision. I don't need a "mommy" to fight my battles for me (believe me....probably need one to hold me back sometimes lol), but I don't need my personal life/values/religion being questioned/challenged in front of a patient. Some statesments are just too ignorant to deserve a response, yet to offensive to let it blow over.....in this case I feel that this nurse needed to be educated by someone in a position of authority regarding cultural sensitivity and respect. Does she treat her patient's like this? What if the pt in the room was also Muslim? Especially, if she is already hot because she thinks a Muslim is trying to interfere with her getting to spend Christmas with her kids...probably wouldn't be very receptive.
ETA: I also wanted to add this, but had to run off real quick to get last min gifts........if this nurse ends up in management with this type of attitude, she may show favoritism in her own scheduling/disputes. As devout I am a Christian in my personal beliefs, and as much as I would want Christmas off to celebrate with my (future) children, I still realize that the world does not revolve around me and I must not resort to calling someone out on their reasons/religious affiliations when I do not get my way. It is narrow minded, immature, and disrespectful. With heated topics such as religion it is usually necessary to have a mediator that can see both sides.__________________
kadokin, ASN, RN
550 Posts
Back in my days as a single mom of two and and a full time nurse, my "family" where I lived had two branches: one at work and one at church. I was (and am) very close to some of those people even now, 25 years later and living in yet another state. At work, we all knew each others schedule and in that place the scheduling went like this: you worked the Christmas holidays OR the Thanksgiving holidays, so that every other year for ever you could schedule a trip "back home" if you wanted to go. When you have to work one day in each holiday time, people who live more than 300 miles from their families can never go home for the holidays. Talk about discrimination! Where's the love you might show now for someone in that boat? but I digress.
So on my Christmas and Christmas Eve to work, someone from my church or work families (or both) would ask me if they could HAVE my children over for the day or sometimes even both days. Since I worked eves, I sometimes even took their stockings with me to work, hung by the fireplace at my friend's house, and crashed there for the night myself. So my kids learned at an early age, it wasn't WHERE you had Christmas, or WHEN you had Christmas, but HOW you had it and the SPIRIT in your heart. And sometimes we had Christmas on December 29th if it happened that their father came to get them that year. (Which didn't happen very often, but it did happen once in a while.)
Later, when I met and married a pilot, he "tested" us to see how it would be if he was gone for a holiday, a birthday or whatever. We all just sort of laughed at this, since we'd been working around issues like that for long time. Needless to say, 20 years later, we're still together, and since we are both away from our parents, on holidays, we either go to a neighbor family or they come here. Our favorite is Christmas morning brunch, every one in their jammies. Christmas is what you make of it. You can make it wonderful or just the opposite. You own attitude toward it, and taking responsibility for making it work for you, instead of expecting other people to make it work for you is the key. I would encourage you to reach out to others in the spirit of true friendship and I'd be surprised if those people don't reach out to you in return, once they realize you are sincere.
What an uplifting account. Very holiday, very christmas spirit. You are an example to us all.