"She'll put your butt in a nursing home."

psu_213, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

I once had a mother tell her teenaged daughter, "the nurse is here to give you that shot…and it's gonna hurt." Happens it was a shot of ceftriaxone for STD coverage, so I guess I can't really blame the mom (although it was a bit of a strange situation).

HappyWife77, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

I work LTC....I love it when the children who hardly visit show up for holidays and act like we all should bring out the red carpet for them. It's like our staff members become the residents family. Sometimes it seems we're all glad when they leave.

I have one daughter that reminds her mom..."You have Alzheimers!"

As she is condescending in every interaction with her.

Our resident actually knows more about her own meds than her daughter. She is not an Alzheimers patient but the daughter insist she is!!! :rolleyes:

firstinfamily, RN · Oct 9, 2014

Would this be considered verbal abuse?? It seems like it would be to both the patient and the nurse. I unfortunately, am very frank with people. I do have a sense of humor, but when they "threaten" the patient I get right in there and ask the patient in front of the family if this had been discussed etc. The family will be embarassed if it has not been discussed before. It is like some deeply hidden secret that the family unleashes at the time when the patient is down and cannot say or do anything for themselves. In LTC, I would call the social worker in and see if they could assess the meaning of the verbal attack. In other environments, I would honestly approach the family member and let them know the patient had not been made aware of -----------------and were they planning on changing the plan of care??? As far as forewarning someone about a shot I kind of agree, they should let the child know it is going to hurt. Giving the child a sticker after the shot may help alleviate the negative connotation. But hey, sometimes we cannot always be nice when there are things we have to do to get stuff done!!! Or when putting in a catheter, NG tube etc, you can always apologize before you do the procedure, although this does not seem very professional, it does let the patient know you are a caring nurse. The difference between the family members who are involved with their loved one and those who just "show" up is such a wide divide and produces so much stress. I have intervened at times and clarified with the pt if they are OK with those family members visiting etc. As nurses we are held accountable to protect the patient and report any signs of possible abuse-----any signs. Family members who constantly downgrade their loved one are showing verbal abuse, what do you think happens when the patient is alone with them?? Use your state Ombudsman if you do not have any other support in LTC. We had people show up who were insistent on the patient signing papers, came with a lawyer and everything. They did not want any staff in the room etc. I reported it to the state Ombudsman as a suspicious case, I did not have to leave my name etc, just that I was a staff nurse. The Ombudsman was there the next day and interviewed the pt, the family, the neighbor who was trying to get her to sign over her house etc. It was a total great call on my part and I felt that if I had not butted my nose in that dear lady would have been robbed of her legal rights. It is not always a good touchy, feely world, there are evil people out there who take advantage of the sick all the time. We are in a position to prevent it and should follow through. Sorry, I do have to say that the daughter who is insisting that her mother has Alzheimers should be told whether or not her mother is competent. In MD it takes 2 MDs to determine if the patient is incompetent, and that can change at any time. Sometimes it is the medications that prevent the patient from answering the questions and they need to be re-evaluated. The patient cannot make the decision about code status if they are incompetent. And once they are determined incompetent they cannot sign legal forms---that might not be a good thing for the daughter,so you might approach it from that direction----if she is trying to get her mother to sign over property or something.

proud nurse, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

That happened to me a lot when I worked in urgent care. Parents would tell their kid that I was going to give them a shot if they didn't act right. Truthfully, in urgent care we rarely gave shots to kids, but we did give a lot of tetorifice shots to adults. I would politely ask the parent (usually the mom) to please not say that, as it really served no purpose at all...except to guarantee the kid to act up even more.

WellThatsOod · Oct 9, 2014

Sheesh. If I told one of my kids to behave or they were going to get a shot they would be in hysterics. I have to change out of scrubs before I get home because my 2 year old absolutely freaks out at ANYONE wearing scrubs.

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Oct 9, 2014

When I was a child, I had NURSES threaten me. I fell and bit my tongue so hard my mom couldn't stop the bleeding. The nurse in the ER told me I 'had to hold the gauze tight or I'd have to get stitches and it would hurt.' I was 6.

Another time, I had pneumonia. I was 9 years old. The nurse told me if I didn't cough up the stuff in my lungs she would have to stick a long needle in my chest...she whipped out a thoracentesis needle to prove her point.

And the absolute worst thing a nurse ever said to me.....I was 8 years old at the Mayo clinic where I was going to have open heart surgery (the year was 1963 and I was about the 4th person to ever have this particular surgery)...the nurse who was also a nun asked me what religion I had been baptized . I hadn't been baptized and told her that. She told me I was going to die on the operating table and go straight to hell.. It's not always families who are inappropriate.

SeattleJess · Oct 10, 2014

oooooWHEE! I'd like to see your nursing process for that particular problem!

Karou · Oct 10, 2014

I hate this kind of behavior. It only causes fear and created mistrust of the medical profession.

I have had a family member tell their loved one (the patient) that they HAD to take their medication or, "the nurse will give it to you in a shot". This family member had good intentions, I believe, but she really bothered me by saying that. I turned to the family member and said flatly, "actually the patient is in his right mind and has the right to refuse medication/procedures. If I forced him it would be assault, which I won't do." Then I asked why he didn't want this particular medication. Apparently he had been told previously not to take it due to a medical condition that we did not have documented. Good to know! The family member seemed embarrassed afterwards.

allnurses Guide · Oct 10, 2014

I looked a mom in the face and told her "please don't use me to threaten your child with! I am not going to do that and all you are doing is setting the kid up to be afraid of doctors and nurses, which isn't fair to him or to us". She said "I was just teasing"...., told her that wasn't appropriate either, kids can't tell the difference. She finally got the point and sort of apologized.

fawnmarie, ASN · Oct 10, 2014

CapeCodMermaid....I'm speechless! I have heard nurses make inappropriate comments, but what you experienced takes the cake. Just awful.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Oct 10, 2014

"yes, sweetheart, and if you are good, your Mommy is going to take you out for ice cream after this!!"

"Yes, Mary, your daughter thinks you have Alzheimers. No, I am not sure that it will get you out of going to the dining room and listening to her ***** for an hour."

I am KIDDING...or not....