I have a vent about coworkers who have kids playing the "Kid Card," by claiming that they have to come in late sometimes, need more sick time, or that it isn't as bad to call out, when compared to workers who don't have kids. Now, I have a child myself, but I have never felt that it entitled me to special treatment at work.
Lately, some coworkers have been calling out, coming late, or leaving work early. They claim that since they have kids, it's "expected" that this should happen, and that the NH should be more understanding, and that they should not be written-up. Also, they argue that they should get preference for holidays off over workers without kids. (I know this is a big concern around Christmas.) I feel that all workers should abide by the same attendance rules, and that nurses and CNAs who have kids should not, on that basis alone, be "allowed" to come to work late, or have more sick time. What do you all think?
I believe that what we are seeing is the clash between people who have a strong personal work ethic and other people who have an indulged/"spoiled"/entitled the-world-owes-me-a-living attitude.
I also believe that if it were possible to instantaneously beam oneself to work, without having to deal with traffic snarls or parking or bad weather, these very same people would still be chronically late for work, expect to take longer breaks or go home half an hour before change of shift, and would habitually expect others to take up their slack.
The attitude of entitlement breeds the kind of behaviour that drives the rest of us crazy, who understand the concept of personal responsibility and accountability and don't want to impose on our colleagues' kindness more than absolutely necessary.
I never had any problem with fellow nurses needing to express milk. At least they were there! As grumpy as this topic makes me, that was never an issue anywhere I worked. Please, express your milk! Feed your baby!
A lot of parents in hospitals I worked didn't want shorter shifts and always pushed for 12 hour shifts. So the 6 hour option would have been a non-starter for them.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that a lot of parent/problem employees (people never there a full week, ever...that type of problem) were people who desperately wanted to be full time SAHMs but didn't have the finances to do that. In my area an RN makes more than just about any regular job around. Thus the family pressure to work, even part time, was pretty strong. I knew a lot of people who couldn't reconcile their dream parenthood plan (SAHM) with their personal financial reality. That's sad, to not get what you want. Still, not my fault.
I never had any problem with fellow nurses needing to express milk. At least they were there! As grumpy as this topic makes me, that was never an issue anywhere I worked. Please, express your milk! Feed your baby!
You're right - I don't begrudge any nursing mom the need to pump her breasts. Although, in Canada, you can take up to a year for your maternity leave now (it was only 4 months when my oldest was born), so the actual "need" to pump after a child's first birthday (and eating solids) likely isn't as big an issue than if baby is only a few weeks or month in age.
A lot of parents in hospitals I worked didn't want shorter shifts and always pushed for 12 hour shifts. So the 6 hour option would have been a non-starter for them.
Definitely, the silver lining to working 12-hour shifts is having to go in less frequently.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that a lot of parent/ problem employees (people never there a full week, ever...that type of problem) were people who desperately wanted to be full time SAHMs but didn't have the finances to do that.
You're probably right about that, but still there are ways to accommodate both dreams. Switching from FT to PT, committing to working nights instead of days, taking a sabbatical and hanging up a shingle to open a daycare for RNs, changing jobs (from hospital to clinic hours, for example), or finding a work-from-home solution are all options that come to mind (I'm sure there are others too). Bringing family- and child-care related drama into the workplace and forcing one's colleagues to make up for one's lack of forethought or planning is neither appropriate nor professional, imo.
In my area an RN makes more than just about any regular job around. Thus the family pressure to work, even part time, was pretty strong. I knew a lot of people who couldn't reconcile their dream parenthood plan (SAHM) with their personal financial reality. That's sad, to not get what you want. Still, not my fault.
Absolutely, not our fault, not our problem. It's not my choice to move out to a big house in the country and have an hour's commute to work, yet there are individuals who feel that they can still go to bed and get up in the morning as though they live only 10 minutes' drive from the hospital and expect everyone to work around the fact that they can't get their crap together. Neither is it my choice for another person to reproduce, yet they insist that they need to leave half an hour early so their spouse can get to work on time, and so they don't have to look for a babysitter that will allow them to drop off the kids at 6:30 instead of 7:00.
The bottom line is: the hours of work were clearly spelled out for you when you were hired, and if you aren't willing to fulfill those requirements, then it's time to re-evaluate and maybe start looking for other options, rather than dumping your drama on your professional colleagues.
For years, we had trouble getting 7p-11p filled. My staffing coordinator would request that a 11-7 stay late and I change my shift from 7a-7p to 11a-11p in order to help them out. I did. A little flexibility goes a long way sometimes. It's unusual that I don't get what adjustments I ask to my schedule. Nursing probably needs to look at how it can offer more flexible schedules in order to attract the people it needs.
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
No union in Texas.
Complaints to my particular manager, her manager, and finally our HR department about specific individuals and the overall atmosphere towards people with children vs. people without children earned me some shocked looks and remarks like I've heard here, "Well, some day YOU"LL have children and you'll be glad we cut people slack." And "I know it's frustrating and unacceptable, but she's got 2 kids. Can't you be understanding?"
Well, obviously, what you have there is a management problem, not a co-worker problem. Unfortunately, it's not going to change until your management does. Your options, at this point, are to either put up with it or to leave. If everything else about the job or employer are wonderful, then I'd suggest trying to find a way to not let it bother you. (Not because you are wrong, but because it's not going to change). Otherwise, start looking around for other prospects.
FWIW, "cutting people slack" should be more like helping people out with the occasional emergency and it should apply regardless of marital or parental status.
I know a nurse who used her children as an excuse for everything. Every day there was a big drama in her life, and I don't know how many times her son was in the ER because of a car wreck. One time I loaned her some money and when I saw her the day after payday she was hysterical because she had an envelope with $250 cash in it and her daughter threw it out the window as they were driving down the highway...
Never saw the $80 I loaned her. At least I didn't let it happen a second time.
I know a nurse who used her children as an excuse for everything. Every day there was a big drama in her life, and I don't know how many times her son was in the ER because of a car wreck. One time I loaned her some money and when I saw her the day after payday she was hysterical because she had an envelope with $250 cash in it and her daughter threw it out the window as they were driving down the highway...
Never saw the $80 I loaned her. At least I didn't let it happen a second time.
How old was the daughter? It sounds like this woman shouldn't have had goldfish, let alone children.
If these people in question from the OP didn't have children there would be a sick grandmother or a dying dog. [/quote']
Employers, however have substantially less sympathy and are much more likely to fire the employee that needs to care for a sick pet or has to take time out for eldercare, than those that care for children.
Trust me, in most hospitals if you try to call in for a sick pet, your coworkers will have your glutes in a sling....even those that call in repeatedly for teachers conferences/sick kids/sick spouses.
I notice many of the same people have thanked people who expressed opinions on both sides of the fence! I guess that means something, but I sure do not know what.
It's not a fence, it's a continuum. We can support families, and singles, without getting stepped on. There are worthy points made by lots of posters with different views.
There is a person who works at my school. She has 4 kids and has taken SO much time off, "O he is sick", "He was having a bad day and got kicked out of school for the day", "Kids have a snow day" now mind she also has a 14 year old son! Her respocnce when I would ask her what her boss thought of all the time she was taking off, "Oh, he understands I mean, I have kids"
She is now pregnant and had not shown up at all since getting pregnant, dispite multiple times being asked for doctors notes saying she couldnt work she still had not provided them, so she got fired.
Employers, however have substantially less sympathy and are much more likely to fire the employee that needs to care for a sick pet or has to take time out for eldercare, than those that care for children.
Trust me, in most hospitals if you try to call in for a sick pet, your coworkers will have your glutes in a sling....even those that call in repeatedly for teachers conferences/sick kids/sick spouses.
I have heard of people who didn't show up for work because they had a problem with a service animal or with livestock, but that's different because those aren't pets.
As for eldercare, that would depend on how dependent the parent was. There's a big difference between someone who has moved a parent in who can no longer live alone but can be left unsupervised (and the parent can help with child care, etc.) and a parent who has advanced Alzheimer's or some other chronic illness. JMHO.
Also, they argue that they should get preference for holidays off over workers without kids. (I know this is a big concern around Christmas.) I feel that all workers should abide by the same attendance rules, and that nurses and CNAs who have kids should not, on that basis alone, be "allowed" to come to work late, or have more sick time. What do you all think?
Valerie Salva, BSN, RN
1,793 Posts
I think you hit the nail squarely on the head.