"Doing too much"

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

Keep doing what you're currently doing. You are setting a positive example for your children and their lives will be enriched because you are bettering your own life.

Now, think about the behavior of crabs when placed in an open bucket. When one crab attempts to crawl out of the bucket and escape to freedom, the other crabs usually latch on and prevent any type of escape. Unfortunately, there are many crabs in the 'hood and your lazy neighbor is no exception.

When people with the crab mentality see another person attempting to better oneself and escape one's current situation, these folks will try to pull you back into the bottom of the bucket through a variety of tactics: bad advice, discouragement, obstructionism, and setting poor examples.

Although your neighbor might have had some salient points, look at the source. Her life has turned out miserably. Misery loves company. Do not be her company.

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

Good for you. I am not of the mindset that someone commands my respect just because they are older than me but, well, I'm from the North and it's a little different up here. I would have just kept walking and not acknowledged her at all. Keep doing what you're doing and don't give her opinion a second thought.

NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives and everyone makes choices that guides the direction to be taken after those mistakes, whether the choices we're good or bad. I had my first child as a teenager and as soon as I was old enough to sit in nursing school (LPN), I was there. I lost quite a few close relationships, some family and some who I "thought" we're my friends, when I began going to nursing school because, in their eyes, I was supposed to do a whole lotta 'nothing' like the rest of them who had made similar mistakes. The difference for me was that I had a very strong support system within my immediate family and my mistakes were not a result of my family teachings and my environment. It was a non-thought-out decision on my part. Your living in the 'projects' subjects your ears and eyes to a lot of negative feedback; not your mind, as you've demonstrated. When I got back home to visit, those same people have progressed not one step in improving their lives. Some are still sitting under shade trees in sweltering temperatures, with the beer and what I assume is a cigarette. My cousin in particular, has been raising kids her entire life because before her baby came out of high school, her oldest had already brought home a new baby, and now her baby has a baby.

As a teenage parent still living at home, I was made to partake in the public income system known as welfare. I hated every minute of it. To me, that was MORE embarrassing than having a baby at too-early an age! I don't knock it or judge anyone who has to utilize it but it was not for 'me'. So, when I got my very first check as an LPN, I drove straight to DFACS and showed them my check,told them to stop all future payments IMMEDIATELY, and instructed me to stay away from my home! (Back then, anyone receiving payments were not allowed to own a car (making it impossible to get a job), jewelry, or savings account, and they made monthly visits to come check the kitchen cabinets for groceries that they deemed appropriate, checked the dressers for the children's clothing, checked the crib where the child was living....basically INVADED my privacy for three of the longest years of my life!!! Thank God nursing school was only a year long back in one days!!!!

Since nursing school was not my plan, but my dad's, I had no intention of furthering my education in nursing. So, I began working as an LPN, kids #s 2 & 3 came along, and work continued. Before I we it, my babies were not babies anymore and it was time to put them on a decent path in life. I was working 16-hour shifts with home health vent patients to pay for my oldest's college education. Since there was a 5-year difference between the next child, I had time before I had to bust my *** like that again. Unfortunately, the next two were two peas in a pod, with only one year separating the two. They put their head together, combined forces against ANYTHING that made sense, went to trade school, got thrown out (BOTH OF THEM), and are finally and gradually about to piece together a life for themselves. Throughout all this time, I was always trying to reason with them but you cannot tell grown folks what to do. I finally washed my hands of it so that they can learn life's lessons much harder than I had to.

You are NEVER doing too much unless YOU believe your endeavors are beginning to have adverse effects on your life. There are those that will judge you. As The Commuter said, misery loves company. Now when I go back home, I hear all kinds of stuff about me and I haven't even lived in my hometown since 2004! Even then, I never shopped there, didn't get gas for my vehicles there, didn't hang out there or anywhere else. The latest talk is that I'm a grandmother who drives a 2-seater, 6-speed convertible. So *******what!! (Lord, I love that car!!!) I served my years with a 4-door sedan and baby seats in the back. My baby is 26 years old. My kids had their kids AFTER graduating high school and becoming adults. I gave up my life for my kids...well not really because as an LPN, I was able to take them to the beach and zoo and park and anywhere else I liked to go. My point is when I want to go somewhere with my grandchildren, I will drive my car to them, park it, and get in one of the three vehicles that already has the baby seats locked down in the back. I don't know about these nosey-*** neighbors, but my grandchildren have parents as did my children. My parents's vehicles didn't have baby seats, they weren't required when I was a little girl and they were not required when my kids were babies. I had one because I got tired of looking in the rear view mirror only to see my kids standing in between the two front seats. They were some hard-headed little cusses! :roflmao:

On darn! I went way off topic, didn't it? :blink: What I came here to say was, let them talk. She knows that if you keep it up, you won't be her neighbor for long. Keep doing what you're doing. That should encourage the COPD lady to lay off the cigarettes so that she will have the breath to keep talking about you! And as long as you can hear her talking, you don't have to do CPR.

By the way, I did receive my RN license 3 years ago and should be done with the BSN by summer. Victim of the environment? Hell no! I did what I did, except the LPN, on my on terms. Keep it moving while it's moving. You will have greater rewards sooner than you think!

anotherone, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

keep going and finish school. Some people like to keep others down: sadder yet some really have a ghetto mentality of living in misery instead of working hard or furthering education. Just wait until you are done and the same people act like your "riches" fell from the sky.......also the comment of "doing too much" what was the context? 3 kids amd school is a lot to do . That doesn't mean I think you should quit or live on welfare in the projects forever.

littlerayofsunshine, BSN, MSN · Aug 18, 2013

As previously mentioned, many times those people who wish they'd done things differently try to bring down people who are trying to better themselves. You are ambitious for your family and yourself. You only have to answer to yourself and your family. Feel pity for your neighbor if you want to, but don't let her opinion stop you. You are doing great! Be proud of yourself.

cincinursemary · Aug 18, 2013

When you finish school and get your first RN job, you can move out of the projects and you will have a new neighbor and won't have to listen to her try to keep you down. Be proud of your accomplishments and look to your future and the future of your children. It looks like a very bright future to me.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

cincinnursemary said it for me......just think when you finish you can move and KNOW that she can't follow you. Stick to your guns and be proud!

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

Every poster has stated what I wanted to state to you. :yes:

I remember when a few people told me I was doing "too much" (these were coworkers/colleagues in healthcare)...well, it helped me further my career successfully...your "too much" will get YOU in the best position for YOU and your kids...sometimes you have to let people talk; it makes them feel good at their situations; it has NO bearing on you; you just do YOU.

lhflanurseNP, APRN · Aug 18, 2013

Keep going! You are a GREAT role model for your children as well as others. There are many people out there who resent those who achieve. Surround yourself with positive people and you will attract more and more positiveness into your life. Remember, nursing is a profession not a "job". A profession is an occupation that requires extensive education or specialized training. This means it becomes your life. Nurses are nurses inside and outside their place of work. We are always "assessing" people whether at work, at the grocery store, in a restaurant. My husband is a physician and the two of us invariably talk about what we "see" in people outside the work place.

EaglesWings21, ASN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

Congratulations first of all for all of your accomplishments!

Like you, I also have three kids, am in an ASN program, and work. I also used to live in a not so nice neighborhood. It wasn't the projects but it was pretty bad. When I first started going to school my mother in law and grandmother in law would try and put me down and even laugh at the thought that I was going to be a nurse. I took that negativity and use it to fuel my drive to accomplish my goals. Are you doing too much? Am I doing too much? Maybe it is a lot to take on; maybe we don't get to spend ever waking moment with out kids, but we are ensuring a bright future for them and setting an example of how to be a productive member of society? Do you think that the lady that smokes and drinks all day contributes to society? No. Keep doing what your doing, buy a nice home for you and your kids sometime in the future, and hang in there!

Nurse ABC · Aug 18, 2013

Well you are doing too much if your goal is to be a 43 yr old who does nothing to contribute to society, live with someone else, smoke cigarettes that you have to beg someone else to buy, in poor health who blames everyone else for their problems, etc! She's looking at the choices you're making against the odds and it's striking a nerve in her. If she can get you back to her level she'll be more comfortable. Avoid her. No matter what you will tell her, she will come up with some sob story about how she's always had too many problems for her life to ever be any different. Don't worry, you'll probably see her again when she's your patient in the hospital complaining her dilaudid was due 5 min ago in no obvious distress.