If a pt cramps on hemodialysis, it's because the nurse doesn't know what she's doing. The fact that the pt just put on 8kg of water weight in two days, and so the staff has to try to get it off in four hours has nothing to do with it.
Also, the nurses get paid more if a pt stays on hemo tx longer. In fact, when the pt is not looking, the nurses add more time to the pts' treatment and then lie to the pts about it, so the nurses can get paid more. All hemo pts know this.
1. Food tastes better if the nurse handles it..I have had many patients who see I'm a volunteer when I answer their call light. They say "you're just a volunteer, I want the nurse". The nurse comes in, to be greeted with "I need my food reheated". That especially annoys me because the whole point of volunteers is to do stuff like this & give the nurses a break
2. Volunteers are in charge of a patients diet orders...So what if the patient's own Dr., 2 0r 3 residents & an RN or two have all told someone he or she's NPO. Just pitch a fit with me because I can disregard all of the above & bring whatever food they want. (Not bloody likely!!)
Nurse to chronic hemodialysis pt of several years:
"I have your Epogen here."
Pt: "What 's that?"
That's not even funny! I'm a 10-year hemo patient, and I cannot believe how many long-term dialysis patients not only don't know anything about their treatments, they don't WANT to know anything!
It's a real shame that there isn't a minimum requirement of dialysis knowledge for patients, like required reading or quizzes or something. It stands to reason that people who don't understand the reasons behind fluid, dietary and treatment compliance won't follow them, and trying to dialyze these people is a losing battle.
Here's one I used to be guilty of: If I get cramps the last hour of my treatment, I can avoid them if I just come off the machine one hour early! (Thankfully, my nurses explained that the cramps will just come one hour earlier since the machine now has to pull harder in the time remaining... alas, no easy way out!)
We all know about 'dialysis dementia'... I think there's such a thing as 'dialysis nurse dementia' from dealing with wing-nut patients! :)
Nurse to chronic hemodialysis pt of several years:
"I have your Epogen here."
Pt: "What 's that?"
That's not even funny! I'm a 10-year hemo patient, and I cannot believe how many long-term dialysis patients not only don't know anything about their treatments, they don't WANT to know anything!
It's a real shame that there isn't a minimum requirement of dialysis knowledge for patients, like required reading or quizzes or something. It stands to reason that people who don't understand the reasons behind fluid, dietary and treatment compliance won't follow them, and trying to dialyze these people is a losing battle.
Here's one I used to be guilty of: If I get cramps the last hour of my treatment, I can avoid them if I just come off the machine one hour early! (Thankfully, my nurses explained that the cramps will just come one hour earlier since the machine now has to pull harder in the time remaining... alas, no easy way out!)
We all know about 'dialysis dementia'... I think there's such a thing as 'dialysis nurse dementia' from dealing with wing-nut patients! :)
MedicalZebra
(An ex wing-nut)
All nurses are the same person. If a pt.has told one person in this facility the answer to a specific question, every other person in the facility should know the answer. If a relative or a friend has a gripe about how a particular nurse talked to mother in a hospital 2 states away, I, as a nurse should have to answer for it. Oh and my personal favorite(from non-nursing administrative personnel) a nurse is a nurse is a nurse. If you have spent the last 5 years working as a psych nurse, you should have no problem taking a caseload on ICU which is where we are going to float you to tonight.
I know YOU.You are the old grey haired nurse who.......this on a unit with 4 50-ish white/grey haired Nurses none of whom worked when whatever happened, happened.
I need an enema...I always got an enema when I was in the hospital last time.......1959.
Mama has been waiting 9 minutes for her.......bath, coffee, pain pill, pillow to be fluffed, doctor to make rounds......NINE minutes-imagine!
Them: Blank stare like I am the biggest idiot in the world for not having my patients geneological trees memorized.
Or the nurses are interchangable theory. I know my patients, but your family member may not be mine, ergo I have no bloody idea. Sorry I am not omniscient. And no I cannot just medicate another nurse's patient with Vics from my narc drawer.
"Mom needs...." Try using the call light, our aides are pretty responsive to those pretty little lights and ringing bells. Oh you want me to jump up and run to her side with a fresh cold glass of ice water. Oh and it should be a ratio of 1/3 ice 2/3rds water and the straw needs to be bent at exactly a 32 degree angle? Sure let me just hop right on that.
"I'm not taking that pee pill, it makes me pee too much." Guess its working.
"I'm telling my doctor you don't like me." Bet he hates you, cause I know he refused to follow you at this facility and only did so because our medical director ponied in.
And yes threatening the nurse with bodily injury always assures top notch care.
Not to mention my all time favorite, family telling me to medicate the patient with a "little extra" morphine, that they wouldn't mind ending his suffering......Umm last time I looked grim reaper was not in my job description.
Specializes in Telemetry, ICU, Resource Pool, Dialysis.
When in the hospital, always be sure to mention that "my son is lawyer." This well get everybody's attention, and ensure that you recieve better care than anybody else.
When you call the unit, there is no reason to ask for _______ ___________'s nurse! Just state your name and ask how your mom's doing today. It is not unreasonable to assume that whoever answers the phone will know who your mom is, what her condition is, what the doctor said that morning, what time she will be dismissed tomorrow, whether she ate her supper...
If some rude person mentions something called HIPAA, just have a temper tantrum, ask for the supervisor, and you will get all the information you want on your friend from church. Mentioning that you are a lawyer will help speed things along.
Hospitals are really clean, so it's perfectly OK to use the bathroom located between your husband's room and the room next door.
Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN
2 Articles; 3,563 Posts
Pt: "If you don't give me what I want right now, I'm leaving!"
Nurse: (to self) Don't let the door hit you in the a**.