-You go to the hospital to be waited on...if your nurse bends your straw and fluffs your pillow, you will get better faster.
-Nurses are also there to wait on family...they will be happy to run to the cafeteria for your wife or change your baby grandson's diaper.
-RNs in small rural hospitals have all sorts of extra time...LPNs and CNAs are not nearly as capable of helping you to the bathroom or cleaning your dentures as the RNs are.
Nurses who think patients should do things they don't WANT to do (get OOB, DB, swallow pills they don't feel like taking right now) have no compassion.
Nurses just show up to work and get handed a list of patients rooms they're assigned to for the day--we know nothing else about these people.
Or, conversely, we know EVERYTHING about the patient. ("You mean you don't know the name of my husband's regular doctor? Are you sure you're his nurse tonight?")
The nurse knows EXACTLY how much better (or worse) the patient's condition is right now, as opposed to an hour ago, but just refuses to tell you.
Because the person has been admitted to the hospital, EVERYTHING is significant. ("She says she still feels like she has to sneeze!")
It's possible that you'll bleed to death if you've already lost 10cc of blood.
>>It's possible that you'll bleed to death if you've already lost 10cc of blood
Ohhhhh yes! How could I forget? What about when she complains because the lab just took FIVE tubes of blood! He just had some labs done this morning, do you really feel he can lose that much blood in such a short time?
Specializes in Telemetry, ICU, Resource Pool, Dialysis.
>>It's possible that you'll bleed to death if you've already lost 10cc of blood
Ohhhhh yes! How could I forget? What about when she complains because the lab just took FIVE tubes of blood! He just had some labs done this morning, do you really feel he can lose that much blood in such a short time?
"Does the doctor know he just lost 5 tubes of blood? Are you gonna call him and tell him? Don't you think you should, hon?" "And can you get me some coffee while you're out there?"
I had a patient who was admitted with a GI bleed. He pooped about 300cc when I first came on at 7pm. H/H ordered at MN. A little dizzy, BP OK, HR OK. Admission HGB of 10. Daughter freaked out. I explained we expected some bloody stool, that is what a GI bleed IS. He's OK. Happens alot. We'll check his blood. If he starts feeling worse, we'll check it sooner.
At 8pm, he poops again 300cc. A little dizzy, everything else OK. Daughter freaks out. I talk to her, she's mad. I move the H/H to 9pm to make her happy. "Have you ever even SEEN anybody have poop like that?" I'm across the hall with a patient being intubated.
Next thing I know Dr is on the phone - "Is Mr _______ hemhorraging from his orifice?" Uhhhh, no, he's had 2 dark stools. "Oh, the daughter told me he was bleeding to death from his orifice and you weren't doing anything about it, you were paying more attention to another patient" OooooKaaaay.
If you don't eat within one hour of arrival to the ER the potential is very high for starvation...
It is okay to spit on, yell at, threaten, curse at, kick, bite, and not cooperate with your nurse...that's what she is there for...
Sitting down to write your notes constitutes "having a break"
One dose of tylenol should make the fever go away...forever...and if the fever comes back 10 hours after the only dose of tylenol...the tylenol is not working...
My asthma is in "remission" (Had that one the other day, when I asked what pts pmh was)
Nurses enjoy putting your un-cooperative drunk-a** back to bed for the 8th time in 15 minutes...and we also enjoy putting your c-collar back on each time as well...
Nurses miss IVs on purpose with the sole intent to cause you as much discomfort as possible before we try to help you...
The nurses are being rude because we didn't let your 5th cousin twice removed on your father's side in to visit with your paralyzed and intubated grandma with her head bleed while they were putting her ventric in...
stitches don't hurt...or leave marks
The lab runs all tests STAT...haha that's a good one...
If you don't eat within one hour of arrival to the ER the potential is very high for starvation...
Reminds me of the time I was going from one side of the hospital to the other where ER is. I saw a young woman who works in the kitchen and she was holding a tray. This is a woman that is always on a dead run and I don't think I know anyone that works harder than she does. She saw me and said she'd walk with me since she was on her way to ER. I told her I'd take the tray as I'm going that way anyway. (Truth is, I didn't think I'd be able to keep up with her!)
When I got back to ER people saw me with a tray and they all started giving me their food orders as though ER has their own waitress who wears scrubs and a steth around her neck. They did, they gave me their food orders such as a grilled cheese with extra cheese, pork chops... what the heck???
With my extra special tone of voice I explained where the cafiteria is.
I love the alert and oriented patients who refuse to learn how to work the buttons to raise and lower their bed heads and foot. Yet they figured out how to use the call the nurse/CNA button within 10 seconds of being admitted to their room.
If you tell them they can use those buttons themselves, it's considered rude and disrespectful.
When nurses perform nursing interventions - like neuro obs, phlebotomy, pressure care - it's because we have nothing better to amuse ourselves with. Nothing we do is aimed at improving the patient's condition.
Oh, and if you're acutely short of breath, massively overloaded, oliguric, hypertensive, tachycardic... getting you a cup of tea is a much better use of my time that taking an ECG, bloods, vitals, putting on "that d**n mask", giving you diuretics etc, because all you need is tha aforementioned cup of tea.
BTW yes, it is too much to ask for. Just shut up and concentrate on breathing.
I am allergic to all mycins and all generic drugs....I must have the Brand name only.
Don't forget, her *doctor* TOLD her she HAS to have brand name only.
Or, I'm allergic to Toradol, Tylenol #2-#4, darvocet, NSAIDs, and aspirin. I am not allergic to Oxy's and Vicodin, however.
Or you get some lady in and she has no problem pronoucing medroxyprogesterone and she can tell you word for word what her OR report said without mispronouncing a word yet she stutters and has one heck of a difficult time pronouncing that medicine her doctor tells her she MUST take three times daily.. it's z... um, zaa...
Nurse: Zantac?
Patient: No, umm.. zaaaaaa....
Nurse: What are you trying to say, dear?
Patient: Oh, you know... that drug that starts with an "X"?
Nurse: Not sure what you are referring to, I'll come back in a bit and see if you remember.
Patient: OH! I just remembered, it's Xanax!
These people can pronounce every drug in the book yet they think we are so stupid we can't figure out what they are doing. Xanax is a stumper for them but medroxyprogesterone is a piece of cake.
RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN
8,498 Posts
:chuckle I LOVE IT, CAUSE IT IS SO TRUE AS WELL