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pre-nursing mom of 3 needs advice

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by Lgoodson614 Lgoodson614 (New) New

I have 3 kids. 1,2, and 4 yrs old (almost 5). My oldest goes to school all day starting in the Fall. I was accepted to RN program at my local community college starting in the fall but it's during the day so I would have to put my other 2 kids in daycare. I feel soooo guilty as to the mere thought!!

I have my B.S. degree in Psychology. I've completed all the gen-ed's and pre-req's so I just have to complete the 30 credits of nursing courses to get my RN.

I've always stayed home with my kids ... I work part-time in the evenings in a call center so we've never had to pay for childcare in the past.

The alternative is that I could wait 4 years (when they are all in school) and do a RN or BSN program. Because I already have my B.S. degree, I can go to an accelerated program (60 credits) (4 semesters) once the kids are older ...but still, that is a big committment ...all day everyday schooling.

I thought about taking the slower route and doing RN first and then BSN ... spanned over a total of 4 years but taking less credits per semester.

Anyway, I could also apply for an evening/weekend program at CCBC which is about an hour away from me. I could start Fall 2011 providing that I get it. That way I avoid the guilt, can still go to school, and the kids don't have to go to daycare. Is that the better option?

I'm having such a hard time deciding!!! Any input from mom's that have gone to nursing school while their kids were still young is greatly appreciated! Would you do it again?? Should I just wait until they are all in school? Should I do evening/weekend program?

KristeyK

Specializes in Private Practice- wellness center.

I have not started nursing school quiet yet, but up until a month ago I was a mom who worked outside of the home. (Let's be real here, being a stay-at-home mom IS a full-time job!) I had no choice but to go back full time when my son was 20 months old. I thought it would KILL me to put him in daycare ALL day long. Turn out he flourished and loved it, I still had the mommy guilt because I just wasn't spending all that much time with him anymore. It took me a good year to not be bothered by someone else "raising my kid", but not that I am no longer working, I see how much he misses it. (And consequently, feel bad that he cannot go! lol)

It's not an easy decision, and no one can really make that determination except for you and your family. HOWEVER, if I were in your shoes, I would do it sooner rather than later. When the kids get older, there will be all of the after school things you will be missing out on. KWIM?

Good luck! :D

JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP

Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy. Has 8 years experience.

Hi, I'm a mom of 7 here, finishing up an accelerated BSN program.

I was in the same dilemma as you were. I did pre-reqs at night or online to minimize the amount of time I spent away from home. When it was time for me to enter a nursing program I found one only a mile away from home, and the clinical sites have also been close to home. I do need to put my younger ones into day care but they are basically happy. I'm not saying it's ideal or my first choice; I'd love to be able to continue being a SAHM but bills have to get paid and we all do what we need to do.

I stretched out my schooling process in order to get a BSN rather than ADN, and to limit the amount of time away from home at once. But if you can get it all over with quicker, I'd say to do that.

I completely understand the guilt you speak of....I'm a stay at home mom of 2 and waiting on an acceptance letter from an adn program. Just know there are alot of us mommies out there going through the same thing, so you're definitely not alone. I, too, have struggled and gone back and forth on whether or not to go back to school and if I go when is the best time to go. This may not make you any more at ease, but I don't think it will ever be easy. My youngest is starting kindergarten this year and I've been feeling guilty because right now we attend all of her older brother's school events and eat lunch with him just about every day, and I'm not sure how often I will be able to do that with her when she starts. It is tough, but I agree with the post above...it's better to begin sooner than later. There are going to be so many school activities...field trips, awards assemblies, etc...later on that you don't want to miss. I say sacrifice a little now and it will definitely pay off later. You're doing the right thing going to school and even though your babies are still young, they will understand later on and I'm sure they'll be proud of you. :) Good luck with everything!!

Of course the ideal method would be to do this before marriage and kids. :)

This is my second career - I waited until my youngest was in 1st grade and I had 3 kids.

I became a nurse at 40.

It is never too late.

I'm not a fan of day care - just so you know. :redbeathe

steph

I'm glad I found this thread!

I'm a SAHM to 4, youngest is 10 months, oldest in 1st grade. In my mind I would love to attend an accelerated BSN program but that's just not practical to do right now if I want to be a mom at all. (lol). I have, however, found a 20 month program near me that is evening and weekends only to complete an LPN/LVN. I would be home with my littles all during the weekdays, 2 nights a week of classes (I have someone who can help with kiddos if hubby is late home from work) and I would be gone most of Saturday and SUnday.

Thoughts? Input? I'm 39 now so if I wait til all are in school FT (in five years) - well, let's just say starting now will be easier than in 4 years, KWIM? But being a mom to the kiddos is prime for me. I'm not a big day care fan myself, so that just isn't an option for me.

thanks for letting me vent here, lol, I have so many thoughts swirling about my head...especially the one saying, "Why didn't I try to do this BEFORE kids??"

Suz

You all sound so amazing. I have 4 kids with my youngest started K this year. I have only been going part time for pre-req's and I am praying to get accepted into an LPN program next year. I also worry about how I will manage the children home and full time school. There is never going to be a perfect time for school when you are a Mom. I say all the time I wish I had started a long time ago. My kids have not ever had daycare but I am going to try and see if there is a family member we can pay to do it when the time comes.

suz, Im 39 too and know exactly how you feel. Have you checked out the application deadline and when the program would start?

Im doing A&P 2 all summer and apply by Sept 1. I think our program starts next Jan.

I don't mean to be rude, but didn't you realize when you were taking your prerequisite courses and applied to the program that you would have to take classes during the day? From reading your post, it seems like you just woke up today and was told that you were going to have to go to nursing school in the fall. Please do yourself and everyone who is willing and able to take the classes during the day, give up your spot so it can be offered to someone that will be able to do it. I would hate to see you start the program and end up feeling too guilty and dropping out...a spot that could have been filled by someone else. Take your time, try to get into an evening program if you can or wait until your kids are older.

I would never dare to tell anyone else what to do. For me, I waited until my oldest was in a day program before I began attending classes. I started out very part-time. I chose to have my kids, and it was important to me that I took care of them, not a stranger. It was hard sometimes, putting my own desires on hold, but I don't regret any of it. Kids grow up very fast, and I didn't want to have any regrets afterwards. Good luck with your decision.

Nurse SMS, MSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development. Has 10 years experience.

Well, you'd be in good company with your guilt - I am in first semester of an ADN program now and all my classmates with small kids suffers from it. It affects their school work and their general sense of happiness in life quite a bit.

This is a personal decision only you can make. If you can't release the guilt, give it up until they are older. Otherwise nobody wins. You won't make the grades, your kids will be in daycare, you will be stressed out, miserable and guilty inside doing something you aren't even doing particularly well due to the time constraints from trying to be a good student and trying to still cram enough time in with your kids to make you feel like you are still a good mother in your own mind. Your school work WILL suffer if you feel guilty for putting them in daycare. Because they will be there all. the. time. Not just during class, but for exams outside of class time, remediations, lab time, clinicals, group work, study groups and private study time.

There's no pretty solution here. You have to decide what you can live with. There are not a lot of night programs for nursing. You have a hard decision to make. I too am kind of wondering if you just thought you would not get in? How did you envision it working when you sent in the application?

Did I read that right, that you want advise only from moms who have put their kids in daycare to go to nursing school? Or did you not mean to exclude the perspective of moms who waited to go to nursing school to avoid sending their kids to daycare?

KristeyK

Specializes in Private Practice- wellness center.

It sounds to me as if she is asking for advice period. Not people questioning whether or not she should have applied in the first place, or people questioning how good daycare is or isn't. We all have our doubts about things, even nursing school. We all also have choices to make, and those of us who will have a child in daycare while we're in school aren't any worse than those who wait until their children start school. (I look at it from the perspective of "I want to go to afterschool activities, field trips, football games...if I start NOW, I will be able to do that.) I have an only child, so the social skills he has gained from being in daycare far outweigh the skills I could have given him on my own. (I'm assuming we have all taken some sort of psychology or sociology class that talks about how important it is for these kids to have cohorts to play with regularly.) Since he has done so well with daycare in the past, I will not have any issue with letting him go while I am in school.

To the OP- if it helps any- try non-traditional daycares. There are many churches that have daycare centers, someone's home- you have the time to find a situation you'd be comfortable with. :D

This is such a personal decision, and can be a very touchy subject! My answer if you NEEDED the money, would be to just put your guilt aside.

That being said, I have 4 kids and we dont need two incomes right now (it would be nice). I have put off nursing school for quite a while and questioned if thats even what I wanted to do. I think putting my own desires on hold has made it that much sweeter for me:) Does that make sense? I almost want it even more than I did 6-8 yrs ago. You also have to ask yourself what you would regret more, not going to school sooner or missing out on time with your kids while they are little. Only you can answer that. Once I made the decision to just enjoy this time I have with them, I felt a huge weight lifted off. Now I am taking it slow, or or two classes at a time and when I do go they will be 8-15. There will be some activities you miss, but I am finding with my ten year olds that there are so many activities its ok to miss some here and there. Plus its only for two years.

hayleyh31

Specializes in NICU, Cardiac. Has 1 years experience.

I'm glad to read this post. I'm also a mom of 3 little ones (almost 4, almost 2 and 6 months) and right now, I'm working FT outside of the home. I also have my bachelor's degree in history, so all I need are my pre-reqs and I'm looking at going to NS in Fall 2011. I'm so nervous about how I'm going to balance life with three small children with NS, so I'm glad to know that there are many other people in the same boat.

bhanson

Specializes in Cardiac. Has 2 years experience.

I'm not a mother and I don't have any kids but here is my two cents.

When I was younger my parents arranged their life so one of them would be with me at all times, they felt this was important. Growing up I always wished they provided more social opportunities for me at a very young age. I distinctly remembering entering kindergarten and not having a clue how to interact with other children without being the weird kid. This took me quite a few years to get over and stumped my social growth significantly.

(Parenting advice from a non-parent so take it with a grain of salt I suppose):

I would encourage you all to not shelter your children too much from the world as in some cases it may cause more harm than good.

I'm not a mother and I don't have any kids but here is my two cents.

When I was younger my parents arranged their life so one of them would be with me at all times, they felt this was important. Growing up I always wished they provided more social opportunities for me at a very young age. I distinctly remembering entering kindergarten and not having a clue how to interact with other children without being the weird kid. This took me quite a few years to get over and stumped my social growth significantly.

(Parenting advice from a non-parent so take it with a grain of salt I suppose):

I would encourage you all to not shelter your children too much from the world as in some cases it may cause more harm than good.

I don't want to make this a thread about day care but I have to respond to your idea that only being in day care socializes a child.

Parents do that first. And you are still able to be with other kids on play dates and at the park and at the swimming pool and Sunday School and neighborhoods and many other things.

I'm not criticizing folks who use day care - I just made a different choice.

But I do have to take issue that ONLY day care would have made Kindergarten easier for you. Some kids are just shy - regardless of how much social interaction they get.

steph

bhanson

Specializes in Cardiac. Has 2 years experience.

I don't want to make this a thread about day care but I have to respond to your idea that only being in day care socializes a child.

Parents do that first. And you are still able to be with other kids on play dates and at the park and at the swimming pool and Sunday School and neighborhoods and many other things.

I'm not criticizing folks who use day care - I just made a different choice.

But I do have to take issue that ONLY day care would have made Kindergarten easier for you. Some kids are just shy - regardless of how much social interaction they get.

steph

I didn't mean to imply that day care is the ONLY form of social interaction for very young children. Instead I intended it as an alternative perspective that shows in certain ways it can be beneficial.