Plz read!!! Nurse using drugs what should i do???

[J-Star]

I have a friend, not a best friend but close enough to where she trusts me with her personal information and lifestyle,

When I decided to leave my engineering job, after careful consideration I decided on nursing. This is when red flags started to go up for me.

This friend I have - she is a HEAVY DAILY marijuana user. She has even told me that she "HAS" to (yes, as in - she believes it is absolutely necessary for functionality) smoke before she goes to work - excuse me, before she DRIVES HERSELF TO WORK in the wee hours of the morning.

This is only part of my problem with the situation.

Now, I live in a moderate size house with one child and my husband. Everyday we STILL feel like there is always something more we can do for him. You know, corners to cut so our son can have more. This friend has two birthed children and one on the way. She lives in a small questionable apartment complex, in a two bedroom apartment. Her infant in the crib is sleeping in her room and her son has his own small room. They live here because it is all she can afford. Her husband doesn't work. Now, my friend, she is pregnant with her THIRD child within a 3 year period and claims constantly that this is even MORE REASON TO SMOKE IF NOT SMOKE MORE!!! She tells me, I tried to quit smoking for a day and I just felt really sick so I HAD TO SMOKE... )=

My internal response to this? WELCOME TO BEING PREGNANT!!!!!

I can't lie or be a hypocrite, I smoked when I met her 2 years ago - I have quit since then, obviously. I am not against LEGITIMATE medicinal use, but NOT for common recreation. She tells me that they spend over $1000 a month, sometimes exceeding $1500 a month on marijuana alone. She used to make fun of me for worrying about spending $100 for marijuana in six weeks by saying "Thats all?!?hahaha" I understand the misconception of a person hidden in the fog that "marijuana is safe and is illegal for -dot dot dot - fill in the blank with a million self righteous statements.... I know that it feels like it can be okay to do when you are doing it. When I quit I felt so guilty for having smoked for the amount of time that I did - for the money and time it had cost me. I have tried EVERY conceivable way possible to express my concern to her about this and I have actually cut off communication with her because of this. But this post isn't about me...

It is about the trouble I am having making a responsible decision.

Here are the facts - some are only opinion but this is what I am weighing: (not necessarily in order of importance because I am not sure what order they should be in!!!!)

1.) I believe strongly that the amount of money she spends on this drug is considered child abuse via financial neglect to her responsibility of being a parent with financial capability and means

2.) I am afraid she may wreck her car driving so early in the morning while stoned - no matter how in control she feels.

3.) She is dishonoring her oath she took as a nurse - this is very dishonorable no matter how you look at it

4.) She is in denial about her use in MANY MANY aspects and will not hear reason or logic

5.) She will quit long enough for a urinalysis but thats all she is "capable" of doing - I am saddened (and shocked) she doesn't feel the guilt of not being sober during these periods - what does this speak to her mission as a nurse?

6.) She claims she is seeking a PhD in medicinal marijuana research for therapy in particular for pregnant women.

7.) She is living at poverty level because of her expense for marijuana.

8.) If I report her she loses her license and cannot provide for her family.

9.) SHE MAY KILL SOMEONE OR NOT SAVE SOMEONE (SAME DIFFERENCE??) IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR HER HELP!!!!! I WOULDN'T WANT A STONED NURSE!!!!!

10.) Science hasn't dictated whether or not marijuana is harmful to an unborn baby - but why is she risking it?!? I want her to stop really bad for this reason!!! (amongst others of course)

So - what would YOU do? I am very concerned for her well being, though, I am an honorable person and want to keep ignorant mistakes that could be prevented from happening. I mean, what if I save many peoples lives before becoming a nurse by preventing her from killing someone or preventing a good nurse from caring for this friend's current patients. Does any of this make sense. I have worked myself up so badly on occasion over the matter that I begin to cry my heart out. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want her to hurt someone else. I am not a whistle blower type, but I feel wrong for not doing anything. She has no support and is as nice and honest as anyone could ever be. She would never hurt anyone intentionally, and loves her family. I think she is really psychologically addicted to marijuana and needs help...

Someone - anyone - if you made it this far in my rant , please help me by sharing your opinions or similar experiences. This is a very very big problem for me.

EDIT: I have not claimed to want to report her for anything - I simply am trying to determine if inaction is wrongful. This is a situation that is close to me and I wonder if I am too close to make a reasonable judgment. I am not being overtly opinionated about any of my facts, I am just merely including the items that I think hold weight in it.

[lifelearningrn, BSN, RN]

I haven't read all the responses yet but there are two very major issues with this woman.

1. She goes to work as a NURSE stoned. Driving and then taking care of others high is unacceptable. Her employer doesn't do random drug testing?

2. She is smoking dope while PREGNANT. Again, completely unacceptable.

At some point you need to determine what your investment in this friendship should be. You don't agree with her lifestyle, her choices, her parenting, how she spends her money, or her drug habit. Yet you passively sit back and let her poison her unborn child, neglect her other children, and risk her patients.

By not doing anything you condone this behavior.

This woman needs help.

[SlightlyMental_RN]

Wow what are friends for?

I will keep co-workers so far away after reading your post.

I will continue to seperate my private life from anyone I work with.

Thanks for this lesson.

Did you know that oral sex is illegal, you may want to call the cops on her for that.

J walking, seatbelts against the law and very deadly.

Calling all cars be on the look out for....fill in the blank my friend.

Nice....The OP is not a coworker but an outside friend. Posters on this site that are condoning nurses going to work under the influence are displaying utterly reprehensible attitudes. Frankly, I'm appalled by this type of behavior.

[leslie :-D]

2. She is smoking dope while PREGNANT. Again, completely unacceptable.

At some point you need to determine what your investment in this friendship should be. You don't agree with her lifestyle, her choices, her parenting, how she spends her money, or her drug habit. Yet you passively sit back and let her poison her unborn child, neglect her other children, and risk her patients.

By not doing anything you condone this behavior.

This woman needs help.

so, shall we go after pregnant women who smoke cigarettes and drink etoh while pregnant?

or what about parents who spend their money recklessly (on whatever!), seemingly neglecting their kids needs?

i agree that going to work stoned, commands intervention of some sort.

but when our moral and parental ideals, conflict with another's...does that warrant interference from others?

again...unless the children are being physically/mentally abused, not fed/underfed, and/or neglected in other pertinent areas of their lives....

we need to draw a line as to what constitutes absolutely reportable.

yes, what she is doing is illegal, and that itself would validate one's concerns.

but if one is protesting on moral grounds, then we need to be consistent on other women who are harming their born or unborn children.

a very slippery slope, me thinks.

leslie

[FLArn]

I haven't read all the replies so if I am repeating someone else I apologize. You don't need to do anything more than you have already done because there is enough detail about her life in your original post that if she has vented about her situation to anyone at her workplace they will recognize her. I would think twice about telling you any of my business unless I wanted posted on a public forum!

[lifelearningrn, BSN, RN]

so, shall we go after pregnant women who smoke cigarettes and drink etoh while pregnant?

So a pregnant woman should be allowed to damage her unborn baby with no consequences to her? FAS is a well documented disease caused by alcohol use during pregnancy. There isn't a lot of 'evidence' of the effects of pot on a fetus because it's not exactly something pregnant women line up for to be studied. We have a lot more data on alcohol and nicotine because for decades we've been able to study it (not illegal substances) in pregnant women.

Are you suggesting we shouldn't do anything about woman abusing drugs and alcohol during pregnancy? This may not be a popular opinion but I believe that woman are given a choice under the constitution if they want to continue a pregnancy, and once they make that choice, the well being of the unborn child should be as important as the well being of the mother.

I don't totally disagree with you about how parents decide to spend their money. I don't think that, in and of itself, is cause for 'neglect'. Doing drugs while pregnant, while that is outright abuse, imho.

[leslie :-D]

So a pregnant woman should be allowed to damage her unborn baby with no consequences to her? FAS is a well documented disease caused by alcohol use during pregnancy. There isn't a lot of 'evidence' of the effects of pot on a fetus because it's not exactly something pregnant women line up for to be studied. We have a lot more data on alcohol and nicotine because for decades we've been able to study it (not illegal substances) in pregnant women.

Are you suggesting we shouldn't do anything about woman abusing drugs and alcohol during pregnancy? This may not be a popular opinion but I believe that woman are given a choice under the constitution if they want to continue a pregnancy, and once they make that choice, the well being of the unborn child should be as important as the well being of the mother.

i'm not disagreeing w/you, mj.

let's say i'm out to dinner w/my husband, and the next table over, i see a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette and having a few cocktails.

while it personally sickens me, do i have a "right" to say something to her?

fwiw, i have done so, only to be told to mind my own f'ing business.

i guess what i'm questioning, is morality versus legality.

if it's legal, then none of us have a 'right' to try and enforce our ideals.

and while i do take (strong) issue w/any woman harming her unborn/born child, i also need to recognize that if it's legal, there is no recourse.

and so, if we're going to report this woman for smoking pot (r/t it being illegal), then morally, we need to question a woman's right to harm her fetus, ONLY because it's legal.

am i making any sense?

leslie

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Yeah, Leslie you are making sense. I agree that the pure illegality of the substance that this person is subjecting her fetus to warrants some kind of action. But who will blow the whistle? I think a random drug test will solve that problem quickly.

Oh, and sissy...I wanted to comment on your post, but I am still too flabbergasted to put anything comprehensive into words.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

I find it very troubling that a few people here seem to have the impression that pot is not a big deal to smoke at work, or before, whatever. What is wrong with you?! As a professional of any sort, especially when we are in a position of trust, and people's lives are at stake, there should be no rationalizing that.

[SarahMaria, MSN, RN]

Do any other family/friends know about this? If so, perhaps an informal intervention may help. Discuss your concerns about the children, finances, and work. Suggest she get some sort of treatment for her substance abuse. Attempt to find out the underlying reason for her addiction (i.e. abuse, mental illness) and see if she'll get treatment for that as well.

[iNurseUK, RN]

And so you should mind your own business.

Nowhere is there a mandate for nurses to act as the "Health Police" and if you do so on your own imagined authority you will come across as no more than a self-righteous, preaching and intolerant person.

My own mother smoked throughout her four pregnancies. Hasn't killed me or my older brothers and sister yet.

You can advise certainly....but proscribe? No. Did prohibition stop folk drinking alcohol?. Not at all it just drove the problem into illegality which made it harder to tackle.

Nurses are not there to judge but to help.

[Coulter630]

It makes me sick to see how rude people can be on these threads.......like thriving on drama or something to that nature. Here is my opinion, if you are concerned about her and the unborn baby's health, I would express my concern with her and tell her exactly how you fell....again. However, remember that they can only help themselves and nothing you say or do will make her stop smoking pot. As far as the oath, here's the deal......for those of you that express you opinion to an extreme, for lack of a better "phrase", "would you want a stoned pregnant nurse caring for your ill Mother that is on her death bed?" Maybe "stoned" is not the right word....maybe someone whose thought processes have been altered due to drugs. Most people would say absolutely not! My Mother has just come out of a critical care unit having almost died and I certainly would not want and would report someone that looked/acted high. Just do some research on the effects of marijuana. It amazes me the people who say "just pot"? Just???? There is evidence that smoking just cigarettes can have such a huge effect on the unborn child. What do you think pot will do to your unborn baby. Plus, who's to say that there aren't other forms of drugs, i.e., cocaine mixed in with the marijuana? Honestly, having my experience with family members on drugs, they have to want to stop....period. If there unborn child or even children can't stop them, no one will is how I look at it. I would let this take it's course and have limited contact with her as you will loose your license as well if something ever happens and she's caught while your with her. I would also be sure not to enable her and stand your ground any time it is discussed or even if she is broke and needs to borrow money. Don't enable. That's really all you can do. She will eventually get caught. That's what I would be worried about. No one wants to be a "snitch", I wouldn't. And as for expressing your concerns over her living situation, etc......she is simply expressing her concerns for her, her children, and unborn childs life; in general!!!! As a REAL friend would!

[OCNRN63, RN]

I simply can't believe people would look the other way when they knew bloody well a nurse they were working with was impaired. "Don't snitch"? What is this, a hospital or the "hood"? How would you feel if she harmed a patient and you knew she was working impaired and you could have prevented that patient from being harmed?

We have a duty to protect our patients first. If that means doing something that could potentially ruin a friendship, so be it. And how much of a friend can this woman be if she puts other people in such an untenable position?