We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.
Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!
We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!
Be sure to enter our two previous contests for more chances to win...
I was putting an IV in a LOL who pulled her IV out. She also was needing her NGT reinserted, and she was so angry. She looked at me and said "Just let me die so I can sue you". I told her that was not how that worked and that I was not going to let her die.
VERY confused patient having flashbacks to some type of Cold War/East Germany military experience. I heard quite a bit of what must have been classified intelligence in the 1970s!
Way back when, I had the same experience with some elderly gentleman pt, BUT ...
He was talking erratically in Dutch or German or some middle European language. Restless & struggling all around. A housekeeper walking by stopped for a moment to listen.
She then told me she thought he was having flashbacks as a captured WWII POW and he was trying to escape the enemy restraints (our posey).
This is the reason I never liked restraints for confused pts.
Specializes in Peds Urology,primary care, hem/onc.
I had a teenage boy as a patient for years with lots of urologic issues. He was complaining of a lot of dysuria and I needed to watch him void to assess his stream. Since he was a minor, Mom had to be in the bathroom with me while I watched him go. He was a good sport about it. As he was standing there trying to relax so he could void, his mother was pestering him about how he was standing, pulling his pants/underwear down etc (why I do not know since this was embarrassing enough as it was for him). He looks over at his Mom and without missing a beat and completely deadpanned says, "Mom, this is not my first rodeo, I DO know how to pee!!!". We could not stop laughing!! Bless his heart!
Specializes in Pediatrics, Women's Health, Education.
While working at a women's health clinic an older patient needed help keeping her legs open while the doctor performed a biopsy on the labia. There were 3 or 4 of us helping position her and she looked up and said, "it feels like prom night!".
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
I had a 15 year old coming off of ketamine sedation for a fracture reduction recite the ENTIRE Old Spice commercial in a Spanish-type of accent (the one that goes "look at me, now look at your man, now look back at me"...) when the doctor asked him how he was feeling. After the doctor left, the patient continued to speak with this accent and said "where did this accent come from? I do not have an accent. What did you did?!"
I was taking care of an older gentleman and was warned that he had a potty dirty mouth. I had him in his wheel chair and while I walked away after parking him he asked me to see my lady parts, but in a much dirtier term. I ignored him so that mad him more determined. As I walked further down the hall he started yelling again and again "let me see your *****, I know it looks good." I turned 50 shades of red and the hall seemed to get longer rather than shorter.
I got report on a little old demented lady years ago. The nurse told me, "this one is so sweet. If you need a pick me up just go in and talk to her. All she does is tell everyone how pretty they are"...well, I guess she didn't think I was that pretty because when I went in to introduce myself as her nurse I got, "Damn you to hell! I hope you get what I've got!", a hard stare, and a tight grip mark on my arm where she grabbed me and wouldn't let go.
CIWA patient of mine I had in 4 points. FINALLY agreed to letting me put a Foley in as long as I gave the morphine and Ativan together (no prob homeboy had 64 mg of Ativan previously over the course of 16 hours and was still just chillin). So we had ordered a smaller catheter the night before to "ease" his mind. He later tells me and my coworker the reason we got a smaller catheter was for and I quote "'my little d**k*". So I start laughing and he later proceeds to tell me "you can't have everything in life, that's why I got a high drug tolerance and a little d**k. I couldn't contain myself.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Another tale from the LTC world...
I worked nights on a combined skilled/ICF wing, and one of the residents who often accompanied me on rounds was a sweet little Southern lady named Silda. She'd lived in Oregon for 50 years, but she never lost her Georgia drawl nor her ladylike mannerisms. One night she came up to me in her wheelchair and asked politely how I was. I told her I was fine, and asked her how she was.
"Ah'm fine," she said conversationally. "But mah p***y hurts."
Asked a patient who presented positive for cocaine why she hasn't stopped using drugs or tried to get help. She sat up, smiled, and said "When I first got high I had an orgasm so good it felt like I f&$(ed the devil himself! Ain't had an orgasm like that since then but I'm hoping for another one." My face must have frozen in time cause she started laughing and said "Breathe." What is there to say to that?
Working in ortho, I had a 90+ year old patient who had fallen and broke his hip. As I placed the tele leads, I said "I'm not getting fresh with you, you could only be so lucky." It's a line I use often and usually gets a chuckle. Without missing a beat he said " that's too bad, this is the most action I've had in years." I had to step out to catch my breath.
nrsang97, BSN, RN
2,602 Posts
I was putting an IV in a LOL who pulled her IV out. She also was needing her NGT reinserted, and she was so angry. She looked at me and said "Just let me die so I can sue you". I told her that was not how that worked and that I was not going to let her die.