We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.
Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!
We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!
Be sure to enter our two previous contests for more chances to win...
Last week I had a pleasantly mildly confused man who had just started HD. He told me "do you know what I'm doing? I'm masturbating". My answer? You do what you need to, but I don't need to know about it!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I had a pleasantly confused fellow in my LTC who was occasionally incontinent of stool. One night when the CNA and I were cleaning him up, he asked us what we were "doing back there". I told him he'd had a bowel movement and we needed to wash him and change his briefs. Whereupon he replied, "Well hell, that sure ain't gonna make me any friends!"
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
A 12 year old patient once asked me, casually making conversation while I was drawing blood: "So do you make the big bucks as a nurse? If I had to guess I would say at least $10 an hour"
Specializes in Med/Surg/Infection Control/Geriatrics.
Once while doing a rectal temp on a gentleman who couldn't tolerate oral, the probe had slipped off its' base and moved further into the rectum than I felt was safe. While I gently tried to remove it, the patient had a muscle spasm and I was worried that the probe would slip too far, so I had to reach a bit further as it was slippery from the lubricant and hard to grasp. "Honey," he asked jovially, "Are you minin' for diamonds?"
Golly such much to choose from over the years. I still crack up when I think of an elderly man who stated after he woke up after he had a full arrest and RoSC that he was "thankful you nurses didn't have to crack my cervix" doing compressions."
I just sputtered "What?" and stared at him trying not to laugh as pointed to his sternum. "You know, my cervix coulda gotten cracked you guys thumpin' on my chest."
a totally lucid person said after hearing they would be admitted for a few days, "disconnect me from my IV, I'm gonna run to walmart and get some things, I'll be back."
VERY confused patient having flashbacks to some type of Cold War/East Germany military experience. I heard quite a bit of what must have been classified intelligence in the 1970s!
This patient kept trying to get out of bed forgetting the fact that he had no legs. So he spent a lot of time in a heap on the floor. One time he just reached up and got his pillow and blanket and just got comfy for a nap in the floor. I came in and said, "Oh, no Mr. M, you fell again! This is the second time today!" He said, "I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."
Not actually saying but something written on thank-you note the patient gave to NM. It went approximately like this: thank you, nurses (names) for providing excellent service for me. I couldn't expect the better waiting on me, all my wishes were satisfied so perfectly, I was feeling like I was the most important person for every nurse who waited on me every day.
Should I also say that it was the one patient everybody wanted so much to see wheeled out of sight that when it finally happened the whole shift had a pizza party after work, paid by the said NM for our sufferings?
One of my favorite patients was deaf and blind. He kept the call button in his hand at all times but never ever used it. He could feel the vibrations of people walking past in the hall and call out to them. I was going down the hall one evening and heard this little voice go, "Helloooo? I could eat a cow!"
Twinmom06, ASN, APN
1,171 Posts
Last week I had a pleasantly mildly confused man who had just started HD. He told me "do you know what I'm doing? I'm masturbating". My answer? You do what you need to, but I don't need to know about it!