Orlando Tragedy - "Why Does It Bother You So Much?"
Because a nurse I am friends with asked me why it mattered so much to me... I thought I would share this with all of you as well. LGBTQ culture is one of shared experiences. In the same way that nursing culture exists, so does LGBTQ. In the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, I find myself needing an outlet to express the fear and sadness that comes with it. My hope is in doing so, I can help those who do not know or understand the culture, get a small glimpse into it from my perspective.
This past weekend is still something that has struck fear into the core of my community, even though I live on the other side of the country. I'm not going to debate about how it could have been prevented, because hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not going to debate it because there are as many different ideas on how to prevent it as there are people who know about it. What I want to do is expose myself, and explain why something that happened so far away from me could affect me on such a personal level.
No matter what you call it, LGBT(Q,+,A), QUILTBAG, or my personal favorite Alphabet Soup Gang... there is a community out there for those of us who don't quite fit the norm. My favorite comes from the fact that we are all a bit alike, all a little different, and we're all floating in this big huge bowl we call Earth. Also the letters change all the time depending on who you talk to and if I am going to offend someone for using the wrong ones, at least I'm going down in style.
I get a little flack at times from the community, at times, for not getting it, because "you pass... no one knows unless you choose to tell them." See, I'm not what most people think of when they think of the LGBTQ. Mostly because I don't get all twiterpatted when I see someone posed in what someone would consider sexual nature. My response tends more towards "Oh... look at that... "and insert interesting bit of biology about their tattoo, a mole, or the muscle structure. I'm someone who dates for romance and companionship instead of physical attraction. I was married when I was younger. I'm Christian. I can easily come off as heterosexual with no time or too conservative to join the local dating scene. Personally I don't care about someone's gender. I date people for being interesting and kind hearted with similar interests. In the community I'm often referred to as panromantic. I don't usually bother with a label though.
At the same time, I've also been on the receiving end of attacks from people mad at me for not being interested in them. Be it because how dare I not be attracted, or because they think I just haven't met the right person yet, or just because I find comfort being around the others with the same experiences. Many of my first experiences out into the world involved going to the local "gay bar" to sing karaoke with all the other people who just didn't feel like they fit society's expectations for them. Going to a friend's place to support them because someone had threatened them.
Our culture, as a community comes from the places and experiences we have been through. We've had the awkward conversations with medical professionals when they ask if we are sexually active and the follow up is about birth control or pregnancy, and we end up outing ourselves to strangers who are not always understanding. We've been bullied for similar reasons. Been told we don't really exist. That we're going through a phase. Sometimes by the medical community itself. We trade names of providers who are "safe" like most people trade the titles of their favorite books.
It bothers me because... those people who were hurt and died... I have a common thread to them. I cried when I found out what happened. Those people were someone's child, parent, cousin, friend... They remind me of my own monkey sphere of people I know. Even if it hadn't been people I know... I've seen the threats towards LGBTQ and Muslim students at my school. I go to an awesome school in a progressive area. We are great and inclusive and that things like that still happen... is scary. It bothers me that media wants to focus on who did it and how, rather than the bright and brilliant people who are lost to the community.
It's something that should bother everyone. It should bother us all. Today it was the LGBTQ community. It's happening in black communities. It happens in our schools. Even if we have no personal connection to what has happened, it should at the very least bother us, because who is to know what the next target of choice will be. If we can't find a way to be bothered that people died because someone's personally held belief was so strong they felt it was alright to kill someone... even if we disagree with the person's lifestyle, they didn't deserve this. No one does, and that bothers me.
The Orlando shooting bothered me because I was working in the psychiatric emergency room and was on call when the Columbine school shooting occurred. I vividly remember talking to one young girl who was distraught because she was alive. She told me she wanted to call her friends on the phone but could not because she feared they were dead. She kept saying she could have died and wanted so much to do something for them. This girl had intense survivors guilt. The shooting was hard for everyone in the department. Some of the staff had great difficulty. More support was needed as the trauma was so intense and pervasive. There are wounds still healing.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
The shooting bothered me because I have a niece who is the male part of the homosexual team who is married to her female counterpart, and I would hate it if either one of them was shot or killed.
Way to hijack a site. Now we are going to debate that modern errant health care kills 4000 each week?????? versus why are we upset about what a "not mentally healthy" person can do with a gun?????
Please enlighten us to where, when, how, these health care killings are happening? Inquiring minds want to know.
This was a terrorist attack against the United States of America. Americans. That's what bothers me about this event. The particular target was an LGTB club. If it were a Cuban themed club or an African American Church or a Catholic church or a Chinese restaurant, the attack would have been the same: against Americans. There is danger here in one group taking possession of it as their own, and I think that's what is happening.
Those not in the LGBT community died as well. They certainly sympathized with that community, but that wasn't everyone's identity. What truly ties everyone together that died, their moms and dads, their families, the community is that they, we, are all Americans.
These people don't need a reason to kill us. Whatever particular circumstance in which we die is coincidental. Yes, he specifically chose that club because of its culture. Just like Fort Hood, and just like San Bernadino and New York and on and on and on. What counts is our American-ness.
Divvying up and laying claim to murderous assaults like this by different groups is dismissive of the true threat that exists and in a way invalidates the loss of those who just happened to be killed along with the rest that didn't belong to the "targeted group". And that's not right.
This shouldn't be a LGBT thing. Its an American thing.
I think because of the nature of the club, it just brought out other issues that some Americans face. You are right. They were all Americans and the majority of them were LGBT. But others weren't. Just proves that we can all get along and we are all individuals and different in our own ways. No one is the same as anyone else. Sexual preference doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. We are all people who bleed the same when shot. That is all the killer cared about was killing Americans. He just decided to also target what is apparently his most hated types of Americans. No matter what, this was a horrible tragedy and created an unspeakable pain for so many families and friends.
The posts in response to this article have me in tears. In these posts the LGBTQ community is basically called a bunch of sissy crybabies for attempting to express a grief response to this slaughter. So many dismissive posts with the tone of "how dare you try to make this about you again". Comparisons to criminals committing heinous crimes. So many claims that "it's a free country so I can hate you if I want to".
49 people, part of a marginalized population, were gunned down in a place they thought was their "safe" place. Today, there are funerals happening and there are people outside of those funerals protesting, preaching hate while their loved ones come to grip with their tragic loss.
For a group of people that I thought were supposed to be compassionate, I hear almost nothing but hate. I'm ashamed to be aligned with you today, absolutely ashamed.
But this is what I know. The LGBTQ community is strong. This community has heard every single one of your hateful things said before, over and over again and survived. Every comparison to peadophiles, murderers and those into beastiality, every "sissy crybaby", every hateful word. They have seen every hateful glance, and felt every punch, spit, stab, trip, push and rape thrust upon them for being who they are. They have and they will survive your hate. Yes, the number of survivors will be less than hoped, yes many will die in their attempt to survive, but survive they will. As this is what we have endured for so very long.
Sending peace, love and understanding out to everyone on this post. If you don't understand what all the fuss is about and care to try to understand, ask someone who can try to help you understand. Love will win. Love has to win.
I apologize if if this wasn't as well worded as it could have been as I wrote it through tears.
Sorry, but that's absurd, seeing as the transcripts from his call to 911 specifically made claim to Isis and that his attack was in direct response to American action in Syria. He also had writings and notes about Anwar al-Awlaki in his car who is known to be the terrorist that inspired the 911 terrorists. But let's just keep pretending that it isn't happening like in Europe...that's working out great for them.
In Europe we are well informed and well aware of the constantly present local and global terrorist threat, I don't know what makes you think we aren't- perhaps your media? Please don't infer that we have a head-in-the-sand approach which is contributing to the terror attacks we have suffered.
There has been a huge amount of sympathy from us in the UK for the victims of the Orlando shooting, for their friends and relatives and for the LGBT community. We thought of the nurses who cared for the injured and dead and anyone else who might be affected. I wept looking at the pictures and the bio's of the victims that were featured, there were just so many bright young lives cruelly taken.
Is it a crime chiefly against the LGBT community, America, all of humanity, against male homosexuals because of a previous HIV +ve lover or simply pro-ISIS? It was anti-LGBT as it took place at a specific LGBT club and has shaken that community all over the world. It is the biggest mass attack of LBGT people in US history. The shooter is reported to have said it was to repay America for bombing Iraq and Syria. A former lover has shown up to say the shooter wanted revenge on the gay community for "using him". The shooter had ISIS links. It seems like it could be all of these but primarily it was a loss of innocent lives for senseless reasons of hate- whatever they were- and that should make us all sad.
Because the LGBT community suffer hate, abuse and violence just for existing I can understand why this would have a huge impact beyond the loss of lives. I hope people are not vastly more scared for daughters, sons, friends or themselves- this was a very extreme and unusual situation, created by a twisted, weird mind. The usual levels of animosity are still there however.
Any talk of gay people being abominations or compared to child-killers is also full of hate and is not appropriate or sensitive. You are free to hold those opinions but you maybe don't show yourselves in the best light by displaying them in a discussion of raw hurt and mourning. Or at all.
I will be the first to say that the LBGT community's practice is an abomination to Gods will. But I would NEVER refuse as a Nurse or Christian to provide medical care.
Well, that is really BIG of you..being willing to take care of "abominations" because you're such a great nurse and "Christian."
Wow, amazing that you felt the need to come to a thread about the MURDER of people simply because they are gay and make sure they know they are "abominations" at the same time you toot your horn for being so tolerant as to actually DO YOUR JOB in spite of the fact that you judge them so harshly.
Well, that is really BIG of you..being willing to take care of "abominations" because you're such a great nurse and "Christian."
Wow, amazing that you felt the need to come to a thread about the MURDER of people simply because they are gay and make sure they know they are "abominations" at the same time you toot your horn for being so tolerant as to actually DO YOUR JOB in spite of the fact that you judge them so harshly.
DISGUSTING.
OK good, so I'm not the only one who was appalled by this response then. I was hearing crickets for a while. I'm used to that though...not a lot of people usually jump to our defense because, you know, it's just the queers. Unbelievable hypocrisy and sense of entitlement in that post. Thank you for your interpretation...very well put.
In Europe we are well informed and well aware of the constantly present local and global terrorist threat, I don't know what makes you think we aren't- perhaps your media? Please don't infer that we have a head-in-the-sand approach which is contributing to the terror attacks we have suffered.
I'm British actually. Born and bred in London. Judging by last night's referendum, it looks like a whole bunch of my fellow Brits are concerned enough about open borders and terrorism to vote out of the EU.
The posts in response to this article have me in tears. In these posts the LGBTQ community is basically called a bunch of sissy crybabies for attempting to express a grief response to this slaughter. So many dismissive posts with the tone of "how dare you try to make this about you again". Comparisons to criminals committing heinous crimes. So many claims that "it's a free country so I can hate you if I want to".
49 people, part of a marginalized population, were gunned down in a place they thought was their "safe" place. Today, there are funerals happening and there are people outside of those funerals protesting, preaching hate while their loved ones come to grip with their tragic loss.
For a group of people that I thought were supposed to be compassionate, I hear almost nothing but hate. I'm ashamed to be aligned with you today, absolutely ashamed.
But this is what I know. The LGBTQ community is strong. This community has heard every single one of your hateful things said before, over and over again and survived. Every comparison to peadophiles, murderers and those into beastiality, every "sissy crybaby", every hateful word. They have seen every hateful glance, and felt every punch, spit, stab, trip, push and rape thrust upon them for being who they are. They have and they will survive your hate. Yes, the number of survivors will be less than hoped, yes many will die in their attempt to survive, but survive they will. As this is what we have endured for so very long.
Sending peace, love and understanding out to everyone on this post. If you don't understand what all the fuss is about and care to try to understand, ask someone who can try to help you understand. Love will win. Love has to win.
I apologize if if this wasn't as well worded as it could have been as I wrote it through tears.
Don't let it get to you. Use this as a tool to make you stronger. I had the same response immediately afterwards, and for about the first few days too. Now I realize that out of this we will become more visible and more vocal. I used to be very out in the 80s and 90s and now I feel like I have been going back into the closet. If I touch my partner when we're in our yard and the neighbors come outside I jump back and stand away. I look around to make sure no one is there when I kiss her goodbye in the morning. We close our blinds before we embrace or hug. We're scared. I don't tell people that I don't know. I realize I have become scared and am hyperaware of my surroundings. But because of this attack I feel like now is the time to become MORE vocal and MORE open. Anger and outrage has made me feel that way. I will not be made to feel ashamed. I want those to cast hate and judgment at us to feel ashamed and so I will shame them whenever and wherever I can. It is time for us to demand that the hate stop. Use this momentum for the good. Hugs to you. There's more of us than you think...and certainly more than they think. If we all came out they'd realize how deep it goes.
I'm British actually. Born and bred in London. Judging by last night's referendum, it looks like a whole bunch of my fellow Brits are concerned enough about open borders and terrorism to vote out of the EU.
If you are so in touch with what is happening you should know it was a lot more complex than British people voting to leave because of terrorism. In fact, that has barely been mentioned. FWIW- I think we've made a stupid decision- I voted to stay in the EU. Apologies to the OP- the majority of my last post was on-topic but I didn't want my country be misrepresented in a global forum.
Edit: Just read your post about feeling scared to touch or kiss your partner in your neighbourhood. I'm really sorry to hear this. Two of the things that have made me feel more positive about the world around me is a greater acceptance towards LGBT people than ever before and the increase in same-sex marriage. Both represent a step towards a more civilised society.
priestesse1
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The Orlando shooting bothered me because I was working in the psychiatric emergency room and was on call when the Columbine school shooting occurred. I vividly remember talking to one young girl who was distraught because she was alive. She told me she wanted to call her friends on the phone but could not because she feared they were dead. She kept saying she could have died and wanted so much to do something for them. This girl had intense survivors guilt. The shooting was hard for everyone in the department. Some of the staff had great difficulty. More support was needed as the trauma was so intense and pervasive. There are wounds still healing.