Old nurse won't retire

[Emergent]

I have a work friend, we'll call her Barbara, at my side job. She's over 70 and works part time in the ER of a tiny hospital. Since I've worked there she's given several deadlines of when she's going to retire, the latest of which was this October. She made a beaded necklace with the amount of beads of days left, taking one bead off at a time, sharing with everyone, even the DNS, who took her off on the Oct schedule.

I talked to her yesterday and she let me know that she's changed her mind again. She says that with the cold days approaching, this isn't the right season to retire, she'll just be sitting in her house. She said that she only has to give 3 weeks notice, and hasn't done that yet, and was upset that she was off the October schedule.

Barbara is a very likable woman, but frankly, she needs to retire. She is not very fit, and limps with a bad leg. She calls in frequently, which has a bigger impact on a small hospital. She never had kids and her husband died years ago. She doesn't seem to have hobbies.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip. Well, that's been going on for a while, but people are being patient since she's been sharing with all about her impending retirement. She needs to retire with dignity as planned .

[Aunt Slappy]

If people actively choose never to marry or have children, they're choosing to be old and alone, aren't they? I mean in the sense of having people who love them and will care for them as they age. They may have friends, but in the family sense of the natural progression where kids take care of their older parents, they choose not to have that when they choose not to reproduce.

There's also the whole thing where parents treat their kids so badly that they also choose to end up old and alone, but that's another story....

[Wuzzie]

If people actively choose never to marry or have children, they're choosing to be old and alone, aren't they? I mean in the sense of having people who love them and will care for them as they age. They may have friends, but in the family sense of the natural progression where kids take care of their older parents, they choose not to have that when they choose not to reproduce.

There's also the whole thing where parents treat their kids so badly that they also choose to end up old and alone, but that's another story....

Well of course if they actively choose not to be married then they shouldn't be surprised that they grow old alone but I'm getting the sense that you think everyone who doesn't get married does so by choice and that simply isn't so. Believe me I had an entirely different picture of how my life was going to go than how it actually went. So will I not deserve some compassion when I'm old and alone? Frankly it's sucks right now that I go home to an empty house and I'm not elderly yet. Regardless of what you think I DID NOT choose this. It's simply the hand I was dealt. Look my point is that not all lonely, elderly people made choices that caused them to be old and alone. Nor were they all horrible people that beat their children and kicked the dog. You seem to have a very black and white view of this. Not sure why but I'm sure there's a reason. And I sure as heck hope that if I get to that point in my life where Barbara is somebody treats me with some compassion instead of blaming me for circumstances that I didn't choose.

[bitter_betsy, BSN]

Wuzzie - I met a couple not long ago that was celebrating their 3rd wedding anniversary. She was 88 and he was older - but I don't remember how much older. I remembered her age because she is the same age as my gramma. Never give up. Your future honey may be right around the corner!!

[TriciaJ, RN]

As to the issue of her not having a spouse or kids, and being alone as she ages, the vast majority of the time that's a choice. I have sympathy for people who are alone because they suffered tragedies along the way. However I have none for people who chose to remain alone throughout life and now have the consequences of that choice staring them in the face.

Getting married and having children does not guarantee one won't have a lonely old age. Spouses and children can be very disappointing; sometimes they all die. All the great choice-making in the world notwithstanding. It's hard to judge anyone's circumstances unless you've known them intimately their WHOLE life, and even then...

But back to Barbara: it's not a good choice to keep working past your ability to be an asset to your employer. Especially if it's just because you wouldn't know what to do with yourself. Start looking for things to do; it's not that hard.

[Aunt Slappy]

Regardless of what you think I DID NOT choose this.

Never said I thought you did. If you didn't choose it, my comments don't apply to you, do they?

[Julius Seizure]

Never said I thought you did. If you didn't choose it, my comments don't apply to you, do they?

Wuzzie's point is that your comments likely don't apply to "the vast majority".

[Aunt Slappy]

Vast majority =/= 100%

[macawake, MSN]

As to the issue of her not having a spouse or kids, and being alone as she ages, the vast majority of the time that's a choice. I have sympathy for people who are alone because they suffered tragedies along the way. However I have none for people who chose to remain alone throughout life and now have the consequences of that choice staring them in the face.

As to your statement about no one choosing to be old and alone, that's patently ridiculous. The fact that some people don't like how their choices turn out in no way invalidates the fact that they made them.

Since you shared your opinion that you think that another poster comes off as bitter and borderline misogynistic, I assume that you don't object to straight talk? I hope you don't, because I'm not inclined to sugarcoat things.

In my opinion the opinions you express in the above quotes, sound extremely rigid and quite judgmental. I'm not sensing much kindness and understanding for the fact that human emotions can be complicated and that human lives are often rather messy affairs. Things don't always work out as a person has planned or hoped...

Before I became a nurse, I locked people up for doing all sorts of things that the law says they shouldn't. Those of the offenders whose crimes involved wilfully hurting other human beings, is pretty much the only category of folks, that I can't easily summon up empathy and compassion for.

Unless a person has spent their life actively hurting others, I say they deserve kindness and compassion if they are alone and afraid. Regardless of age. Regardless if they chose to procreate, or not.

By the way, wouldn't having children for the sole purpose of not being alone in old age, be the height of selfishness? To me that would be a very poor reason to bring a life into this world.

In my old job I worked with a man who I'd spend time with off-duty as well. You know, just hanging out and having a few beers. We became friends. He was married, no kids. I knew the no kids parts was his choice, but for many years I didn't know why.

After a particularly stressful super crappy shift when the worst that mankind has to offer was on prominent display for ~ten depressing hours, he, I and a few others went out for a couple of drinks to decompress. That's when I found out why he didn't want to have children. As a child he'd been sexually abused. He was deathly, and in my opinion irrationally, afraid that he would perpetuate that legacy if he had kids of his own. I trusted this man with my life at work and I'd trust him around children, but he couldn't get past his fear. He made a choice and because of it, I guess there's a chance that he'll be alone in old age.

I think it's profoundly sad that the childhood perpetrator had, or was given, so much power that it has affected his major life decisions. He's a good man and he sure as hell deserves kindness and sympathy if he ever becomes lonely and afraid. Despite the fact that the choice to not have children, was 100% his own.

If a person makes the choice, whether that choice is an active one or just life happening, I highly doubt that the choice is made because the person is hoping that they'll spend their old age feeling alone.

Life is complicated.

[Paws2people]

How is this woman any different about pulling her load than the young nurses who are looking at FB while at work,talking with an ear piece,chatting up the residents,or outrageously throwing themselves at the attending males, the respiratory crew or anything with a dick and balls.How many call bells go unanswered because Miss Chatty Cathy is too busy socializing,showing her latest vacation trip photos or describing how she cooked for 20+ for dinner and now feels so tired.Then Miss big mouth has to regale everyone with what she did in bed with her boyfriend/husband the week before and if there is any time left she will spend it looking over the schedule trying to get three weeks off when everyone else is limited to two.

Gee. And here I thought it was only my hospital that this went on in! Lol. :)

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

If people actively choose never to marry or have children, they're choosing to be old and alone, aren't they? I mean in the sense of having people who love them and will care for them as they age. They may have friends, but in the family sense of the natural progression where kids take care of their older parents, they choose not to have that when they choose not to reproduce.

There's also the whole thing where parents treat their kids so badly that they also choose to end up old and alone, but that's another story....

I find your post ridiculous on so many levels. One not every marriage or relationship works out. Two children might not be able or willing to care for you in old age especially now when most people work and many people move far from their parents.

Ironically getting involved with the wrong person can end up costing you your life as was tragically the case for Shanann Watts and her children. How could she have known this was how it would all end.

So to smugly state people choose to be alone and deserve that if life doesn't work out just sounds cold and heartless.

[applewhitern, BSN, RN]

Every time I read or hear someone ask, "Am I too old to become a nurse?" I tell them that ageism is alive and well. Most of the old nurses I've worked with carried a wealth of knowledge and experience. Maybe it just looks like they are slower than younger ones, simply because they spend more time with their patients, rather than rushing off to get back to facebook or something. I notice the younger ones that I personally work with do not respect older people, do not respect authority, do as little as possible, yet complain about the older workers as if THEY are the problem. OP, are you sure this woman is really that much slower than you, or do you think you might be a little biased or simply discriminate because of age?

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

I find this thread just very sad. Wish everyone could be seen as fully productive until they are emotionally ready to retire.

What does this mean? People should be in denial about a co-worker's diminished work ability and/or lie about it until the person is "emotionally" ready to retire?