Old nurse won't retire

[Emergent]

I have a work friend, we'll call her Barbara, at my side job. She's over 70 and works part time in the ER of a tiny hospital. Since I've worked there she's given several deadlines of when she's going to retire, the latest of which was this October. She made a beaded necklace with the amount of beads of days left, taking one bead off at a time, sharing with everyone, even the DNS, who took her off on the Oct schedule.

I talked to her yesterday and she let me know that she's changed her mind again. She says that with the cold days approaching, this isn't the right season to retire, she'll just be sitting in her house. She said that she only has to give 3 weeks notice, and hasn't done that yet, and was upset that she was off the October schedule.

Barbara is a very likable woman, but frankly, she needs to retire. She is not very fit, and limps with a bad leg. She calls in frequently, which has a bigger impact on a small hospital. She never had kids and her husband died years ago. She doesn't seem to have hobbies.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip. Well, that's been going on for a while, but people are being patient since she's been sharing with all about her impending retirement. She needs to retire with dignity as planned .

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

I think a full-time or near full-time volunteer opportunity would be my ideal resolution to this situation. Imagine the good she could do for the facility, the good it would do her socially and personally.

My retirement plan includes being the substitute grandma volunteer for tech dependent kids whose parents cannot be with them in the hospital due to work, distance and job constraints.

[Wuzzie]

That doesn't give you any justification to keep collecting a paycheck for a job you're not doing.

I didn't say it was. What I said was I highly doubt ego has anything to do with it at all.

And FTR I'm doing my job just fine. In fact, I actually excel at it.

[Aunt Slappy]

And FTR I'm doing my job just fine. In fact, I actually excel at it.

*sigh* It was a general "you."

[Wuzzie]

*sigh* It was a general "you."

Cut me some slack, it was kind of hard to tell.

[vanessaem, BSN, RN]

Maybe this job is what keeps Barbara going. Please leave her alone. It's not up to you to decide what she should do with her life tbh. If management feels she's unfit and wants to terminate her or force her into retirement, it's up to them. I've come across quite a few older, retired nurses, who have come back in one capacity or another because nursing is all they've ever known and have no idea what to do with themselves otherwise. :)

[cleback]

So, are her colleagues supposed to pretend that she's carrying her weight and that working with her is fair when those things are clearly not true? They're supposed to play make believe to support her ego?

No need to be defensive. I said nothing of the sort. I just said it struck me as sad... in the sense that I also find it sad that people get dementia.

[macawake, MSN]

I find this thread just very sad. Wish everyone could be seen as fully productive until they are emotionally ready to retire.

So, are her colleagues supposed to pretend that she's carrying her weight and that working with her is fair when those things are clearly not true? They're supposed to play make believe to support her ego?

Aunt Slappy, I don't think that's at all what Cleback said.

I agree with Cleback. It is a sad situation and it's easy to feel empathy for a woman who sounds like she could be quite lonely and perhaps scared of how her life will be after she retires.

I'm afraid that management will start writing her up for her attendance to get rid of her. Even though I love her, she doesn't pull her weight anymore. I don't want to sign up for shifts with her and have to do 3/4 of the work. It'd be a shame to see her be forced out.

One time she told me to let her know when she is starting to slip.

Emergent, not all conversations are comfortable and easy to have and this will likely be one of those. I think the kindest thing you could do for your coworker friend, is to do exactly what she has already given you permission to do. Talk to her. Be honest with her. As another poster has already said, I'm sure you can do it in a nice way and make her feel that you have her best interest at heart.

Do you have volunteers at your hospital? Perhaps that's something she could do, that could soften the transition into retirement for her and help fill her days with something meaningful?

A couple of years ago, a surgeon I used to work with was pretty much made to retire. He was past the age of retirement and did well for a couple of years but then we noticed that he started slipping with some work-related things, so some of us had a honest and quite painful talk with him about it before it got to the point that patient safety was compromised.

I and one other nurse and a handful of his physician colleagues meet up with him regularly. Personally, I meet him for a coffee about once a month or so, to do a bit of gossiping :) I know that retiring was painful for him. He's a widower and has also lost their only child. Ageing can be cruel. He was a great coworker and a highly skilled surgeon who helped thousands of patients through the years, and I guess my heart just goes out to him. Plus he's a interesting person to talk with so those coffee "dates" are a win-win situation :)

(Edit: I took a break to fix a snack in the middle of writing this post, and now I see that Cleback has made a post after I started writing this post).

[Aunt Slappy]

macawake's post is a perfect example of how you keep caring about people while being honest about their true capacities.

[Aunt Slappy]

Cut me some slack, it was kind of hard to tell.

Point taken. I should've used "her" and "she" instead of "you."

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

I can tell you right now that retiring with "full pensions"as you say ,is not any guarantee that they have enough income or health,especially if the hospital was cheap on offering healthcare benefits.Things are very expensive and prices keep going up not down.

I understand your situation,and it would be more bearable if there was only one person that you had to pick up their slack not several,then the shift is unbalanced against you.

Hope you find a solution.

[Fiona59]

I can tell you right now that retiring with "full pensions"as you say ,is not any guarantee that they have enough income or health,especially if the hospital was cheap on offering healthcare benefits.Things are very expensive and prices keep going up not down.

I understand your situation,and it would be more bearable if there was only one person that you had to pick up their slack not several,then the shift is unbalanced against you.

Hope you find a solution.

I'm in Canada. Their union pension is over $3K per month. Add in their Canada Pension payment, they are doing better than I am right now,

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

So, are her colleagues supposed to pretend that she's carrying her weight and that working with her is fair when those things are clearly not true? They're supposed to play make believe to support her ego?

How is this woman any different about pulling her load than the young nurses who are looking at FB while at work,talking with an ear piece,chatting up the residents,or outrageously throwing themselves at the attending males, the respiratory crew or anything with a dick and balls.How many call bells go unanswered because Miss Chatty Cathy is too busy socializing,showing her latest vacation trip photos or describing how she cooked for 20+ for dinner and now feels so tired.Then Miss big mouth has to regale everyone with what she did in bed with her boyfriend/husband the week before and if there is any time left she will spend it looking over the schedule trying to get three weeks off when everyone else is limited to two.

It is a difficult sensitive situation and should be handled with the same respect we show for any patient off the street.How callous some of the comments here,shame on you.That nurse could be your own mother.